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To think that no woman enjoys this and to wonder why men think we do?

(313 Posts)
AnachronisticCorpse Sun 18-Mar-18 11:51:31

I will preface this by saying I love DH very very much and this isn’t some awful deal breaker.

BUT every weekend morning DH wakes me up by grinding his morning glory against my thigh. This morning he’d actually got up really early without waking me but he came back to bed at 8.30 and STILL woke me up with the rhythmic grinding.

And then once I was awake he started talking at me about amps and effects processors (we have an agreement that I didn’t have to engage in these ‘conversations’ beyond saying ‘uh huh’ every once in a while). All through this conversation he was dry humping me.

I told him to stop and he said that a) he hadn’t even realised he was doing it and b) he always thought I liked it.

Basically it’s something I tolerate because he’s otherwise marvellous but the combination of nerd monologue AND slow Jack Russelling was just too much this morning.

But thinking about it, every man I’ve ever woken up with (a not insignificant number) has done this. Whhhhyyyyyyy? What makes them think being randomly poked is in anyway sexy or romantic?

Does ANYONE like it?

AjasLipstick Sun 18-Mar-18 11:52:52

That honestly sounds bloody weird OP. Not ok...very weird.

PNGirl Sun 18-Mar-18 11:54:13

I can't say my husband has ever done this to me in nearly 15 years! If he had, it'd have been once only. I don't want to be a scratching post.

AnachronisticCorpse Sun 18-Mar-18 11:56:03

Really? As I say, he’s not the first man to have woken me up this way.

I think he thinks it will lead to sex (it sometimes does tbf but despite that not because of it).

ShinyMe Sun 18-Mar-18 11:56:13

Jack Russelling?

Countrygirl38 Sun 18-Mar-18 11:56:32

Never had this done to me in 18 years of marriage. Also think this is odd

HopefullyAnonymous Sun 18-Mar-18 11:56:56

I have never had this happen to me 🤷‍♀️

nutbrownhare15 Sun 18-Mar-18 11:57:09

Well, I guess they are feeling sexy and think (hope) you may be too. If I'm not into it (usually the case) then I make it pretty clear and he stops. Doesn't do it every weekend morning though that would drive me nuts. And the processor talk is bizarre. What planet is he on?

SomeKnobend Sun 18-Mar-18 11:57:11

I'd like to be cuddled by dh with an erection in the morning, but I'd tell him to fuck off as soon as he started going on about amps and shit. How bizarre.

AnachronisticCorpse Sun 18-Mar-18 11:57:57

Jack Russelling is when you walk past and he grabs you and does a fast dry hump. Usually happens in the kitchen, weirdly.

Except now I feel like this doesn’t happen in other people’s houses as much as I thought and DH is just a random perve.

QuackPorridgeBacon Sun 18-Mar-18 11:58:25

Not all men do it and not all women dislike it. It seems you clearly haven’t said anything to him so he’s now just doing it without realising but thinks you don’t mind. Why didn’t you say anything when he first done it and you didn’t like it?

Greyponcho Sun 18-Mar-18 11:58:30

DH used to do this when we were in the early stages of our relationship.
I explained I need my sleep and to leave me alone until I was awake and that me moving away was not to just give him more bed space hmm
I think I made reference to Maslows hierarchy of needs, i.e. sleep trumping sex! And that I’m a better shag when I’m awake. It worked.

SpringHen Sun 18-Mar-18 11:58:46

Nope DH has never dry humped me while carrying out a "normal" conversation. Ever

SomeKnobend Sun 18-Mar-18 11:59:07

Oh, I just re-read, he actually wakes you from sleep doing that? Hell no! Make me some tea, then we'll shag talk.

AnachronisticCorpse Sun 18-Mar-18 11:59:13

The amps and processors is because he’s in the process of upgrading all his kit, this involves a deep deep amount of research (he is famously indecisive) and he talks at me to sound off. I don’t know why, I know less than nothing about any of it.

Greyponcho Sun 18-Mar-18 11:59:38

Jack Russelling... tried doing it back to him and seeing how he likes it...? grin

TossDaily Sun 18-Mar-18 12:00:06

I like it blush

I wouldn't like it with the nerding though.

Your description made me laugh, if that's any consolation grin

AnachronisticCorpse Sun 18-Mar-18 12:00:34

He does also bring me coffee tbf.

It’s never really bothered me that much but this mourning combined with the taking at me it was just all too much.

AnachronisticCorpse Sun 18-Mar-18 12:01:22

GreyPoncho, I do! I also rest my boobs on his head when he’s working at home. So really I’ve only got myself to blame.

SomeKnobend Sun 18-Mar-18 12:01:30

Jack Russelling!! Well I've learnt something horrifying new today. Put him on a lead. Or get him castrated!

BishopstonFaffing Sun 18-Mar-18 12:02:33

Jack Ruselling is my new favourite phrase.

TheQueenOfWands Sun 18-Mar-18 12:02:41

He dry humps you whilst talking about amps?

Just say, "That's enough now, darling." And push him away.

That would annoy me too. I like my sleep.

NotTheNineInchNails Sun 18-Mar-18 12:03:02

I actually really like being woken up with a sexy grind that slowly turns more insistent, but it would put me right off if he was talking about unrelated crap whilst doing it!

AnachronisticCorpse Sun 18-Mar-18 12:03:15



Ffs iPad keyboard.

thenightsky Sun 18-Mar-18 12:03:22

Its a domination thing. You need to turn your back on him, don't make eye contact, and say 'NO' very loudly.

Or is that for canines?

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