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DP wants a lie in every weekend

(335 Posts)
IWantALieIn Sun 18-Mar-18 10:08:12

Not sure who is BU here. He says me, I say him.

I have a toddler from a previous relationship, who doesn’t see his dad. DP is very good, looks after him like he’s he’s dad and is very good at housework, cleaning, whereas I am shit at it. DP is helpful, kind and generally wonderful.

However he sleeps 12 hours a day. He says he needs to and it’s not a choice. Therefore, he can’t get up in the morning. I harassed him to go to the GPs and his thyroid seems to be slightly underactive and he's got a follow up for that. He also has depression, as do I, but he says his sleep has been like this since before he was depressed.

Now here’s the issue. DS gets up at 6am. He sometimes doesn’t sleep through. We have the agreement that DP will get up in the night, because he doesn’t like mornings, I’ll get up with DS.

However, on the nights DS sleeps through, DP still thinks I should get up every morning because “he needs 12 hours sleep”. I said we should take it in turns, so one night he sleeps through, DP gets up in the morning, next night I do it, or vice versa. He says this isn’t fair because he needs his sleep and I said I’d do the mornings. I said but otherwise I get no benefit of DS sleeping.

I also have bad joints, and take prescription painkillers. In a morning, in the winter, my joints are stiff and sore and I can’t take my meds if I’m looking after DS alone.

Is he being u? He says I am because he does most of the housework and needs his sleep. I also think maybe I am because DS isn’t his son?

IWantALieIn Sun 18-Mar-18 10:09:22

I meant to include he willingly stays up till 1am to get “me time” where he reads, goes on the PlayStation and stuff...then he doesn’t get up till in between 11 and 1.

YellowMakesMeSmile Sun 18-Mar-18 10:11:24

Depends on how many hours you both work a to who should do nights and lie in, there's not enough detail in the post.

On the issue of a step child, MN usually tells step mums that the child is the responsibility of the father and not down to them to provide care etc so the resonses will be interesting the other way round, I expect they will be very different.

Aprilmightmemynewname Sun 18-Mar-18 10:11:34

I wouldn't bank on him being a keeper, and tbh I wouldn't want to keep him anyway. He put a his place in the family way way above you and your dc. That not the recipe for a happy future imo.

DelphiniumBlue Sun 18-Mar-18 10:11:37

Why can't you take your meds if looking after DS alone?

FoodGloriousFud Sun 18-Mar-18 10:12:04

Not his child. I think the fact he willingly gets up in the night is lovely.

BlondeB83 Sun 18-Mar-18 10:12:44

Do you both work?

pigeondujour Sun 18-Mar-18 10:13:05

Your second post, plus 12 hours sleep - what the fuck? How is that sustainable? I'd say the lie in is the least of your problems. What's he doing proactively about his health issues? Does he work? Do you?

DaisysStew Sun 18-Mar-18 10:13:17

Honestly, and I might get flamed for this, but yes Yabu. DS is not his child he’s yours and the responsibility of getting up with him in the morning lies with you. It would be nice if he offered every once in a while but he is in no way obliged to do it.

ShutUpBaz Sun 18-Mar-18 10:13:42

Depends on the work situation I think.

peachypetite Sun 18-Mar-18 10:14:18

It's your child so your responsibility.

ikeepaforkinmypurse Sun 18-Mar-18 10:14:40

I understand you must be tired, but I don't think he's not that BU, he sounds helpful. It might mean you have to go to bed ridiculously early to have enough sleep yourself.

Why can't you take your medications though?

NorthernKnickers Sun 18-Mar-18 10:14:42

Well to be brutal (but not meaning to be unkind here) he IS your son. If your DP doesn't want to get up in the morning to look after him, then quite honestly, why should he? Your agreement is that DP gets up in the night...not do the morning shift. You agreed to that!! I think you're very lucky that he gets up in the night quite frankly, so I'd stop moaning! Yes you are BU.

moita Sun 18-Mar-18 10:15:28

Do you get to spend much time together if he's in bed until 1pm? That's an awful lot of sleep.

IWantALieIn Sun 18-Mar-18 10:15:34

We’ve both recently finished university (I had DS young), starting work soon.

He’s got another doctors appointment to discuss the sleeping, thyroid issues and the depression.

He is a lovely man and is very selfless about everything other than this.

Guavaf1sh Sun 18-Mar-18 10:15:53

YABU. It is not his child and the same goes the other way around. Yellow is right here.

BrieAndChilli Sun 18-Mar-18 10:16:34

I’m a bit confused about why you can’t take your meds? If you were still a single parent what would you do?!

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sun 18-Mar-18 10:16:46

Needing more sleep than average; especially with health conditions, is alright. Some days I need a lot of sleep to feel okay.

Getting up with your son in the night is quite lovely; and it sounds like he pulls his weight in other ways, too. Does he also work? Do you?

Staying up until 1am, whatever he's doing, and then sleeping until 1pm? No. Whether it's gaming or reading or binge watching TV doesn't matter - you have to grow out of this in your late teenage years. Everyone does. Then you go to bed earlier so you can get up earlier.

If he's not ready to give that up; then I don't think he's ready to be in a family. It'd probably still annoy you if he slept 9 - 9; but he'd probably need less sleep as your son sleeps through more so it's less broken, and at least he'd be around in the actual day.

NorthernKnickers Sun 18-Mar-18 10:16:54

And I don't get the 'meds' issue AT ALL!! How would you go about taking them if you were a single Mum? How do you think the rest of us do these things? 🙄

Ragusa Sun 18-Mar-18 10:16:55

If he has an underactive thyroid he will be feeling awful, and that possibly explains the depression as well. He needs to get that treated pronto.

Sound like you are both struggling.

I don't know what to suggest really!

IWantALieIn Sun 18-Mar-18 10:16:55

Do you get to spend much time together if he's in bed until 1pm? That's an awful lot of sleep.

No, not as much as I’d like. And he gets annoyed if I go to bed at 10, but doesn’t realise I have to because of DS.

And my medications knock me out and make me fall asleep, so I can’t take them when I’m the sole cared.

Shoxfordian Sun 18-Mar-18 10:17:04

It is your responsibility to get up with your child but he could do more. If he does the majority of the housework then I think this is fair

IWantALieIn Sun 18-Mar-18 10:17:45

Staying up until 1am, whatever he's doing, and then sleeping until 1pm? No. Whether it's gaming or reading or binge watching TV doesn't matter - you have to grow out of this in your late teenage years. Everyone does. Then you go to bed earlier so you can get up earlier.

I’ve told him this multiple times.

Spam88 Sun 18-Mar-18 10:18:51

That's the agreement you made, so I think YABU. That being said, how on earth do you put up with your DP not getting up until after midday?? Totally separately from the DS issue, that would absolutely do my head in.

Why can't you take your medication? Do you mean you don't physically get a chance, or it makes you drowsy and unable to look after him?

BrieAndChilli Sun 18-Mar-18 10:18:55

You need to get different meds, what would happen if your partner had to get up and go to work? You wouldn’t be able to take your meds then,

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