My in laws dislike me

Laurasdiary22 · 2018-03-18 08:38:51

I'm sure this is a common topic for this thread but at times these people make me feel like I'm losing my mind and it really affects my marriage. This is not from my husbands pov but mine ... sometimes I look at him and see them and I get so mad. My husbands family are completely wild , when I met them it was nothing I'd ever experienced .. the mum and dad are separated after my fil had multiple affairs when my husband was a child. The fil is now a self made millionaire whilst my mil is an alcoholic who lives with a bit of a no hoper. However she is an amazing woman. Both the mil & fil take cocaine and have always since I met my OH. They still do now. My fil other half is totally loopy , they have threesomes and she calls up the family to tell everyone .. she drinks and takes drugs and has also threatened to commit suicide on numerous occasion , she has spent thousands on rehab and been in NHS facilities ... this has been the case for about the last 7 years. My fil is a cruel man who will treat this woman badly (affairs , flirting with other women etc) and bad mouth her to the family but always end up back with her expecting us all to act like nothing has happened. It's a pattern of behaviour exhausting to all involved. 2 years ago my OH and I made the decision not to be involved with this woman (at this point she had spread rumours that my fil had abused his daughters) and agreed we would see my fil but not his girlfriend. We have 5 children 4 of whom are very aware of this circus like behaviour. Last year my OH's younger sister was getting married and his older sister had a cardiac arrest at the wedding and ended up in a coma. Whilst she was laying in a coma the girlfriend went out and got drunk (claimed the family were leaving her out ) and had to be sectioned - in th same hospital where my sil was laying in a coma !!! This is quite possibly the most selfish behaviour I've ever witnessed in my life .. this woman even sends suicide notes to her children when she does this (it's happened more than once). Every time this woman acts recklessly the whole family are expected to forgive her and carry on as normal (my fil is quite charming and manipulative so this works on many people) but my husband and I refuse to be involved with her or let our kids be around her. My fil now will have no involvement with our kids because we don't want them around her. We have 5 kids and one is only 4 months old - he's seen her 4 times. He sees his other grandchildren pretty much everyday. Today we are burying my fil dad's ashes and again he is bringing this woman (at the original funeral she was drunk the whole way through and was also drunk when we turned of his life support) so we are choosing to attend the church service but not go to the family meal if he chooses to bring her - which he has. My fil mother come to my house last week to tell me we must get on with this woman ... she even went so far as to tell me some things about my husband that he was forgiven for in the past (things I didn't know) and that we have to get on with this woman. Every part of me does not want to roll over and let this person back into our lives .. she is selfish and dangerous and has caused so much trouble amongst my husbands family. I'm at the point where I'm totally done with my fil and his toxic girlfriend but I feel that my kids miss out on having a grandad because of it. My fil hates me for this ... he has his two son in laws working for his company and is openly affectionate to them .. at the last wedding he gushed in his speech about how much he loves them and didn't mention me and my husband except to say WE make his life EVENTFUL !! We don't do anything !!! I have never done anything outrageous to my in laws and sat back and kept quiet when they have taken drugs or acted spoilt and controlling. My husband also works for the family business but not in the office ... he is undervalued and constantly slated but his family but he takes it on the chin now because I think somewhere inside him he thinks they are right. I will say my mother in law is not part of this. We are basically treated as the family outcasts because we have said no to this toxic behaviour going on around us but being frozen out is hurtful and sad. This family are the opposite to mine - parents been together 40 years and no drink or drugs in my family. Am I just naive in my thinking that this behaviour is unacceptable and should I just lap it up and get on with it ? I feel like I'm losing my mind as well as my integrity and common sense lately ... do I stand by my morals ?

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