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To ask you to tell me my son will be OK.

(19 Posts)
DanaScully83 Sun 18-Mar-18 06:42:10

My 8 month old DS has his first full day at nursery tomorrow - I'm going abck to work initially 4 days per week and then back full time 5 days per week. He has had 3 visits and seemed happy each time. However, I'm sitting here getting his stuff ready, in tears and having a major wobble. He's still so small and I'm worried that I'm being selfish and an awful mum for looking forward to going back to work. I love him so much and I'm really going to miss him. Please tel me he's going to be OK - tomorrow is going to be horrible.

FifiVoldemortsChavvyCousin Sun 18-Mar-18 06:44:24

He will be fine.

Work on breathing and calming exercises for yourself. If he sees you think it’s ok/fun he will be fine. If you’re crying/acting scared he will be nervous too.

SofiaAmes Sun 18-Mar-18 06:47:06

Of course he is going to be ok. It's important that you are happy too. It's not selfish to go back to work if that's what your soul needs. Your mental health is important to you AND your child. I went back to work when dc's were little because I needed the intellectual stimulation and would have been a nightmare mom, if I'd stayed at home any longer. My dc's are teenagers now and ds has some serious medical and mental health problems and I've had to pretty much stop working and it's making me crazy.

bastardkitty Sun 18-Mar-18 06:47:37

It feels so huge to leave your baby and go back to work. He really will be okay. He sounds like he will settle easily. I enjoyed work once I knew baby was settled and safe.

Prusik Sun 18-Mar-18 06:47:54

He'll definitely be fine. He'll play with new toys, have new experiences and meet new people. I imagine it'll be worse for you than it will for him

BuckleTrow Sun 18-Mar-18 06:48:39

I felt just the same as you do when my DS went to nursery. The first time I dropped him off I wept buckets.

Honestly there were a couple of weeks of tears but going back to work was the best thing I ever did. He absolutely loves nursery and I love being back at work. I promise you he will be fine.

Mrscog Sun 18-Mar-18 06:54:53

He will be fine - both of mine thrived at nursery, and I get so much enjoyment from work that it makes me a better mum!

Triangularsquare Sun 18-Mar-18 06:58:00

He's going to be absolutely fine and so will you. The fact that he'll be there 4/5 days a week means he'll get settled in quick and end up feeling really happy and confident there. Mine started at 11 months. He's now 16 months and had so much fun. He's also learning so much more because of all the things they do with him that I would never think to or don't have the space to. Tomorrow might be a bit rough (probably more on you than him) but it really will change so quickly. I was dreading going back to work but looking back I can see I was starting to go a bit stir crazy and I'm now a calmer, happier, more engaged mum during the time I am with my son

GreenDiscovery Sun 18-Mar-18 06:59:53

My DD started childcare at 9 weeks, three days a week so I could return to university. Your son will be absolutely fine. It's good for his learning and development!

MollyHuaCha Sun 18-Mar-18 07:02:06

Poor you. I remember this moment so well from a few years ago. And yes, we both survived. But it was difficult for me at first.

Corblimeyguv Sun 18-Mar-18 07:05:43

It’ll be fine. All the other children playing in the nursery when you saw it- they all had a first day/week/month, and they all settled in.

It’s brilliant for your DCs development and you are NOT being selfish or awful. Many parents do this, and your little one will be fine. Your time together will be all the more precious.

Good luck flowers

PlugUgly1980 Sun 18-Mar-18 07:07:39

He'll be fine! My 2 and 4 year old both started at that age, doing 4 then 5 days and they've loved it. They settle much much quicker than those just doing 1 or 2 days. They both go in without any problem, but are always happy to see me at pick-up. The key is being a 100% happy with your Nursery choice and also being prepared for what will seem like weeks of never ending illness as they pick up every bug going when they first start...but that does ease after the first 6-12 months (I only mention it as I'd never really considered it with my first, and it actually turned out to be the hardest part of sending them to nursery).

Llanali Sun 18-Mar-18 07:09:15

He, and you, will be fine. This is the right decision for you both.

Go to work, get really busy, drink actually
Hot coffee, and you’ll be at home
Time before you know it.

Blankiefan Sun 18-Mar-18 07:11:28

He'll be fine. My dd started nursery at 6 months 5 days per week.

She's thrived there - has great relationships with the staff, has had loads if play experiences she wouldn't have had otherwise and a great group of wee friends who'll all move up to school together later this year.

It'll be harder on you than her!

mrsbear81 Sun 18-Mar-18 07:17:43

We are 2 weeks in! My little one has settled so quickly it's amazing. I walked in on Friday to pick her up to the hugest smile and lovely cuddle. It's hard but they soon settle and from what I've seen already have a fantastic time.

BusyBeez99 Sun 18-Mar-18 07:36:11

You will be fine. Mine went at 3 months. I cried all the way to work. But then it was easier each day. Enjoy work - it's a welcome relief to be able to have a coffee in peace believe me

FurryLippedSquid Sun 18-Mar-18 07:51:30

So agree with BusyBeez99. I went back when eldest was 3 months (now 21) and was miserable for weeks beforehand thinking about it. But loved using my lunchbreak to catch up with all the 'nipping' chores that I couldn't do easily with a baby in tow - going to the post office, picking up a bag of groceries, buying birthday cards, getting my hair done (extended lunchbreak obvs). It seriously kept me sane and I'm so glad that I kept working through all those baby years (I had 3 DCs). Now two are at university and I have two jobs (both PT) that I love and I wouldn't have done it any other way. Good luck and know that you will be fine and so will your baby smile

Momo27 Sun 18-Mar-18 07:57:50

I felt exactly the same as you beforehand as maternity leave drew to an end so rest assured it’s completely normal, but when you realise they’re absolutely fine and thriving, you’ll feel completely different.

I returned 3 days a week and I’m so pleased I took the plunge and kept working. I think I’d have missed out on a lot of opportunities if I’d given my career up. Sounds like your ds is settling well and honestly within a week or two you’ll wonder why you felt so upset

Sophiesdog11 Sun 18-Mar-18 08:04:02

Op - my DS is 20, we got max 6mths ML back in those days, so he was in nursery from 6mths old, albeit only 3 days/wk. DD followed 2+ yrs later, despite being born with a serious heart defect.

Maybe I am an awful mum as I never felt selfish!!!

But - both have survived it well! DS in his 2nd yr at uni, lots of friends. DD just finishing college, very social. Both lovely young people (albeit with a few teen tantrums 😂😂😂)

Meanwhile I am still working 3 days but more importantly am still relatively sane, which I know I wouldn't have been if I hadn't carried on working. I also have a reasonable pension to look forward to, thanks to continuous work.

We also have a good amount of savings, for same reason, meaning DC have a comfortable life eg we can help them with uni, bought basic cars when driving, planning a NYC trip later in year for their 21/18 birthdays.

Both he and you will survive and settle into your new regimes. Just dont compare your life with anyone else, particularly with different/no childcare.

We have a close friend who was made redundant when pregnant. Her DD and my DS born a few days apart. She put all her energy from work into being a SAHM for a few years. I used to wonder if there was something wrong with DS - as her DD did alphabet jigsaws at 2 and he just stared at them 😂😂. 18yrs later and he is definitely more well rounded as a person than she is (and knows his alphabet!!!!).

A different friend said at the time - maybe the SAHM (who always planned to work FT) envied my good fortune in having a career to carry on.

You will both be fine!

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