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Phone taken away dd on sleepover?

(667 Posts)
upsideup Sat 17-Mar-18 11:16:07

DD(10) was on a sleepover last night, first sleepover with this girl but we have had the girl at ours a few times before, her mum has always asked that we take her dd's phone off her before bed which we have done( we plug it in outside dd's bedroom so she could still get it if she needs it) but I remember having the conversation that my dd likes to have her phone with her on sleepovers so she is able contact us.
The mum took dd's phone of her at 8 last night and put it in her bedroom, dd did ask if she could keep it turned off in her bag but she wasnt allowed, shes' quite anxious about sleepovers and knowing she can text us to come pick her up etc without talking to the parents make her more comfortable, she also does contact us a bit anyway to say goodnight and check when we are picking her up etc. Shes also didnt get her phone back untill we picked her up at 11 because she was too nervous to ask for it.
We were a bit worried that she hadnt replied when we text goodnight and we were on are way, but I had assumed she was having too much fun and hadnt thought to check her phone not that she wasnt allowed to.
DD was upset when we picked her up, obviously not to tears or anything but it did make her feel uncomfortable that someone else took her phone and she wasnt able to contact us, she wasnt able to get any sleep because she was worried about it.

AIBU in that she shouldnt of done that without contacting me first?
The girls are quickly becomming close friends so its likely dd will get more sleepover invites, can I or how can I tell the mum that I would like dd to keep her phone?

Sirzy Sat 17-Mar-18 11:18:56

I think it is right. Group of children on a sleepover plus mobile phones is a recipe for trouble.

If she had had a problem then she could have spoken to the adults you presumably know well enough to have trust to have her over. You also fully knew the mothers views on mobile phones in rooms so if you had an issue you could have spoken to her before

EleanorXx Sat 17-Mar-18 11:19:23

Yanbu

Takeoutyourhen Sat 17-Mar-18 11:19:42

Explain all the reasons you have just listed here to the friend's parents. I hope your DD has a much more relaxed sleepover next time smile

Jellycatspyjamas Sat 17-Mar-18 11:19:56

My kids aren’t at that phone or sleepover age yet but if nephews and nieces come over their phones are kept downstairs at bedtime. If something happens and they want their parents to pick them up I’d want to know about it before someone turned up at my door for them.

I think this idea of everyone being contactable 24/7 in all circumstances isn’t a good thing and I wouldn’t be supporting it.

PrettyLittIeThing Sat 17-Mar-18 11:20:07

Yabu

MyDcAreMarvel Sat 17-Mar-18 11:21:08

Yabu , the mum rightly didn't want her dd to have unsupervised access to a phone over night.

PotteringAlong Sat 17-Mar-18 11:21:54

If your 10 year old is panicking because she’s had 14 hours without a phone you’ve got bigger problems than a sleepover

MsGameandWatching Sat 17-Mar-18 11:21:59

I don't think it's right. It was switched off on her bag and she should have had the chance to show she wasn't going to be messing about on it, especially as you had had a conversation where you said she preferred to keep it. I think the other parent over stepped. Just as you followed her wishes with regard to her child and phone, she should have done yours and I tell her most politely that you prefer for your daughter to keep her phone.

Minestheoneinthegreen Sat 17-Mar-18 11:22:00

Agree with Sirzy. If she can't cope without her phone don't let her go next time but I think it's a v sensible rule.

Veterinari Sat 17-Mar-18 11:22:06

It’s a house rule
You can’t expect the other mum to give your DD mobile phone access when her own daughter doesn't Have it.

If your DD is too uncomfortable to speak to the adults at the house she is staying in if she has a problem, then she’s probably not ready for sleepovers

EleanorXx Sat 17-Mar-18 11:22:17

My kids aren’t old enough for sleepovers but I’d be pretty annoyed if a parent took away my kids phone without my permission.

Candlelights Sat 17-Mar-18 11:22:42

I think you need to help her feel less reliant on her phone tbh. Phones get forgotten, left uncharged, or even lost or stolen. She needs some coping strategies. And at 10 she should be able to speak to a friend's parents and sleep over without needing to text you goodnight.

cece Sat 17-Mar-18 11:22:42

I'm afraid I agree with taking it away. Phones and sleepovers are not a good mix. However, perhaps they should have prewarned your dad that would be the rule.

Cleanermaidcook Sat 17-Mar-18 11:23:36

Yabu

TheAntiBoop Sat 17-Mar-18 11:24:20

Only happened to me once but I took all tech away because they kept playing games under the blankets. Our house rule is no tech upstairs at night and I stick to that with sleepovers now. It's not something I would expect to have to tell parents beforehand.

As pp said, i would expect the child to come to me if they had a problem and if the child doesn't feel able to then I don't think they're ready for a sleepover. My ds didn't go on sleepovers for a long while for that reason. I'm perfectly happy to be woken in the night if child wants to call parents etc

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 17-Mar-18 11:24:24

YABU, their house and their rule applies.

AnUtterIdiot Sat 17-Mar-18 11:24:47

Can't she just ask them if she wants to phone you? That's what we did in the 70s, 80s and most of the 90s when we were kids staying at other people's houses. It's not like she's walking down a dark street on her own at 3am.

BeyondThePage Sat 17-Mar-18 11:25:01

Phone abuse at sleepovers is rife - "Lets all take ugly pictures of the first one to fall asleep", "let's mock so-and-so's pyjama choice" etc.

You can ask that your child is allowed to keep their phone, they may not be invited back.

House rule here is no phones after 10pm (or whatever curfew we choose depending on behaviour) - all go on the landing on the windowsill charging.

Totsntantrums Sat 17-Mar-18 11:25:05

But you knew the mums house rules before you allowed DD over to sleep.

This should be a consideration when you allow her over. You have to submit to “her house her rules” and if you disagree then you make this a condition beforehand or you don’t let DD sleep.

Evelynismycatsformerspyname Sat 17-Mar-18 11:25:06

Talk to the parents about it certainly.

The only time we've ever had a problem on a sleepover (3 kids, many sleepovers) was with a girl who kept her phone all night though - prank messaging which turned quite nasty, taking photos. We had no way of knowing it was happening til the shit hit the fan the next day. I wouldn't let a child sleeping over at mine keep her mobile on her either. Everyone in our house, including the adults, leaves their phone in the living room at night. Of course a sleepover child could go and text her parents from the living room as easily as getting up to use the toilet, but no phones in bedrooms after bedtime.

Yvest Sat 17-Mar-18 11:25:09

Yabu. Presumably you had the mother’s number and she had yours? Then you could have contacted each other if there’s a problem. My kids didn’t have phones at 10 and all comms were done through the parents. I agree you have bigger issues if your DD can’t be without a phone over night at 10. The mum did the right thing IMO and you should have had the conversation with your DD that all families have different phone rules and that she needed to accept that some children aren’t allowed phones over night before she stayed

Viviennemary Sat 17-Mar-18 11:25:29

It's your child and if you feel uncomfortable with the way this parent does things then don't let her go for a sleepover there again. I think it's a sensible rule the other Mother had. If your DD doesn't feel safe in the house without her phone then really it's better she shouldn't be there. TBH I wouldn't like a child in my house that didn't feel safe without her mobile phone at the ready at all hours of the day and night.

Deadwood58 Sat 17-Mar-18 11:25:34

YABVVVU

There were no smartphones when my dd were at first sleepover age, but they did have Nintendo DSs.

On one memorable occasion we found out that they'd stayed up playing on them the entire night, and zero sleeping had been done.

After that, nintendos had to be in my room before lights out.

Fattymcfaterson Sat 17-Mar-18 11:26:02

Honestly I think If your DD cannot communicate properly with the adults she is staying with then she is not ready for sleepovers.

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