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To be annoyed at friend who got herself fired after I recommended her for the job?

(157 Posts)
Trovi Fri 16-Mar-18 16:22:55

Hi all, I work in a middle management position at a multinational company. I have been here for a few years and I think I have built a solid reputation for myself.

A couple of months ago a dear friend of mine whom I have been knowing for a few years, found herself unemployed. She is 27 and, after trying to make it as an actress in her very early 20s, she had been working in waitressing/ shop assistant type of jobs. She was desperate to get a professional job and start a "proper" career (whatever that means) and she asked for my help to get a job at my organisation.

I had to pull quite a few strings as her CV was frankly not qualified for any office-based position, but I managed to get her an interview for an entry level position. I happily recommended her to the hiring manager, who is my peer, who decided to give her a chance in spite of her lack of qualifications and hired on a generous salary for the position.

5 weeks into the job, she told me she was going out to London (we are based 1 hour by train from London) for a night out with friends on a Wednesday. Much to my dismay, the next morning she did not show up at work and didn't contact me or her manager to explain what happened. Her manager and I got really worried as we thought something terrible might have happened to her. She did not pick up the phone or got back to our texts for the whole day.

That evening, she finally called me back and said that she got wasted on her night out, ended up having a ONS with a guy in London and woke up very late and hungover the next morning. Apparently she did not think she should have reached out to her manager or me to give us a heads up. She said she was "too hungover to think" hmm

I was genuinely furious with her for carrying herself so unprofessionally barely a month into a new job I recommended her for, on top of making me sick with worry. She genuinely did not understand why I was so upset, as she did not think it was a big deal at all and "she just had some fun, people make mistakes every once in a while and it is fine".

The next morning she came in at work and her manager pulled her into a room and essentially fired her. Apparently her work had been ok but not stellar, and this incident was serious enough to make her manager reconsider the decision to hire her. Her manager also talked to my manager, who then mentioned to me that perhaps the next time I recommend someone I should be more careful about who I recommend.

Now I feel frustrated and upset that I gave my word and damaged my credibility at work, to help my friend get a job, and she wasted the opportunity and put me in a tricky position at work. My friend is devastated by her manager's decision to fire her, and she can't believe how "unfairly" she has been treated. She is even threatening to involve a lawyer! On one hand I am sorry for her, but honestly I am incredibly annoyed by how childishly and unprofessionally she behaved and I think she wasted her chance.

AIBU to be very annoyed at my friend? Or should I be more sympathetic?

PaperdollCartoon Fri 16-Mar-18 16:24:23

No YANBU, your friend is an idiot.

AverageSnowflake Fri 16-Mar-18 16:25:31

Your friend is an immature tool. Don't feel sorry for her. She needs to grow up.

yawningyoni Fri 16-Mar-18 16:26:28

She's not your friend. She should have been aware enough to know that being unprofessional would reflect badly on you. I don't think your friendship will recover

ReinettePompadour Fri 16-Mar-18 16:27:01

YANBU but in future NEVER recommend a friend no matter how well you think you know them.

I hope that your reputation hasn't been ruined by this.

Dancingmonkey87 Fri 16-Mar-18 16:28:07

Golden rule never get jobs for friends.

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Fri 16-Mar-18 16:28:19

I’d not only be more careful who you recommend at work but I’d also be ,ore careful with choosing your friends.

AnneLovesGilbert Fri 16-Mar-18 16:28:46

Don't feel sorry for her! She's an absolute fool who's shat all over the kindness and opportunity you and your company have offered her.

I'd be livid. She owes you a big apology.

Let's hope acting works out for her as she doesn't sound fit for much angry

halfwitpicker Fri 16-Mar-18 16:29:26


Always dangerous territory, recommending mates. Live and learn.

She's an idiot btw. You don't get many chances like that.

halfwitpicker Fri 16-Mar-18 16:29:54

Yes, do not feel sorry for her at all.

DownTownAbbey Fri 16-Mar-18 16:31:19

How on earth did she not know that this would not be ok? You did a lovely thing and the ingratitude would seriously piss me off.

Trinity66 Fri 16-Mar-18 16:32:05

YANBU unfortunately doing people favours like this will alot of times come back to bite you on the arse. As the great Judge Judy says No good deed goes unpunished

MissionItsPossible Fri 16-Mar-18 16:32:06

Your friend is an absolute Twat! She sounds very immature hmm You say she likes acting? Well this is her drama, let her star in it.

I do feel sorry for your credible reputation being called into question though. Hopefully they will realise she is nothing to do with you but I’d think more carefully about recommending someone so unreliable in future!

couchparsnip Fri 16-Mar-18 16:35:34

What an idiot! She hasn't much idea of what having a 'proper job' entails does she.

midnightmisssuki Fri 16-Mar-18 16:37:42

i feel bad for you. YANBU. I would question my friendship with this friend of yours....

TalkinBoutWhat Fri 16-Mar-18 16:39:02

Your friend is an idiot and needs to grow up. However, be bloody careful in saying anything like that to her. If she is foolish enough to hire a lawyer anything you say will be brought up.

Iloveacurry Fri 16-Mar-18 16:46:51

Your friend is an idiot.

MerryShitmas Fri 16-Mar-18 16:47:35

yanbu for being angry with her but you were being U to recommend her in the first place.
She wasn't an ex co worker or employee she was a friend. You had no reason to verify her in a professional capacity (by sticking your neck out for her) and you essentially gambled on her worth as an employee. It didn't pay out and you've damaged your own credibility and word by recommending her.
In future, only recommend people you have actually worked with and can 100% bank on being trustworthy and good employees.
As for her... I'd be seriously considering cutting her off. She knew your reputation was at risk here and she did it anyway and didn't even think to ring in with a remotely convincing excuse in a timely manner (which may have saved her skin this time at least). She has no right to be whining to you about it when she's caused you problems.

purplemunkey Fri 16-Mar-18 16:47:49

Yes, I agree with pp - never get jobs for friends. I learned this very early after getting a friend a bar job in the same nightclub I worked at. Within weeks she got the sack for being too drunk to stand up behind the bar. I was watched like a hawk for a short while after that as my trustworthiness was now I'd question because of her.

We were only young then and but when she wanted more career help many years later I veered well way from actually suggesting positions in my place of work and offered CV/covering letter help only.

Sorry this happened to you. It'll blow over and be forgotten about soon enough.

Ellie56 Fri 16-Mar-18 16:52:26

YANBU. Your so called friend is an ungrateful twat who needs to grow up.

Clickncollect Fri 16-Mar-18 16:53:08

YANBU - when I was 18 working for an investment bank, I recommended a 'friend' for a role and they didn't even turn up for the interview!
I was mortified but thankfully it didn't seem to be held against me as I worked there for 6 years after.

frankchickens Fri 16-Mar-18 16:54:57

YABU for using the phrase “should have reached out”

Trovi Fri 16-Mar-18 16:56:29

frankchickens "YABU for using the phrase “should have reached out”


ModreB Fri 16-Mar-18 16:57:04

She needs to grow up. If she had an acting job, how would they feel if she just didn't turn up for a performance? It's the same with an office job.

A job is a job, and if you take a job, you have a responsibility to actually do the job as required.

If you don't want to fulfil the responsibility, you leave and find another job.

Perhaps you could point this out to her.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Fri 16-Mar-18 16:57:10

What Merry said. You pulled strings to get a job for a friend; you had no basis at all in which to "recommend" her. Hardly surprising it's compromised your own position.

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