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To feel upset and entirely offended?

(32 Posts)
LittleMissPassiveAggressive Tue 13-Mar-18 22:21:42

A friend of mine has lost something in her home. She feels that the item may have been stolen as she can't find it and has had many people in her house since she saw it last.
Unfortunately, I was in her home around the time of its disappearance. Now, instead of asking me if I'd seen the item or even if I had TAKEN said item, my friend has taken to accusing me of stealing it but in a very sly and backhanded way. She says that she suspects every single person that had been in her home since she saw it last. Which would include yours truly.
I'm so offended! If this friend knew me at all she would know that I hadn't and wouldn't ever do anything so awful!
I want to ask her if she outright thinks it was me but don't know how to say it.
This has already massively affected my relationship with her. I understand that she's upset that something has potentially been taken from her home, I'd be upset too, but to accuse someone that you count as a close friend wouldn't even cross my mind.
I don't know what to do. I want to tell her about herself but I also don't want to lose her as a friend.

Please, any advice would be very much appreciated.

Thank you

Yarboosucks Tue 13-Mar-18 22:23:39

Say what you said hear to her….

LanguidLobster Tue 13-Mar-18 22:24:03

I understand it would upset you, but her mind's confused at present. Has she definitely not misplaced it?

Has she spoken to the police?

mumgointhroughtorture Tue 13-Mar-18 22:25:38

She obviously isn't as bothered about losing your friendship so what have you got to lose?

ButteredScone Tue 13-Mar-18 22:25:47

My first advice: don’t be offended. Taking offence is for little people, snowflakes and needy types. Never be offended.

Second: she is a loon. Focus on that instead and take a step back. Just treat this as an unpleasant episode that the she needs to get over.

SharronNeedles Tue 13-Mar-18 22:25:57

Just ask her if she thinks it's you

LittleMissPassiveAggressive Tue 13-Mar-18 22:27:07

She has looked high and low at home.
Obviously I do understand that she's upset, of course, I would be too, but I feel like addressing this so upfront would cause more friction that there already is.
I do need to just bite the bullet and say it to her, I guess I'm just worried about it all going sour.
She's said she's contacting the police, I said I'd be there for her/ go to the station with her but I don't know if she has.

whywhywhywhywhyyy Tue 13-Mar-18 22:29:24

What exactly did she lose?

Pleasebeafleabite Tue 13-Mar-18 22:29:47

Jeremy kyle is your friend here

LittleMissPassiveAggressive Tue 13-Mar-18 22:30:25

It was an item of jewellery which meant a lot to her. Not a family heirloom but something that she worked hard to get for herself.

LittleMissPassiveAggressive Tue 13-Mar-18 22:30:59

Haha! Yeah, I'll get on Judge Rinder too!

ClemDanfango Tue 13-Mar-18 22:31:04

Encourage her to go to the police if she believes it’s truly been stolen it will make her think twice about suspecting you and then if you’re still hurt about it you can begin to distance yourself.

LittleMissPassiveAggressive Tue 13-Mar-18 22:33:18

I suggested getting the police involved from the moment that she mentioned that something had gone missing and she couldn't find it at home.

WinnieFosterTether Tue 13-Mar-18 22:34:40

I'm confused why you're waiting for her to ask you specific questions. Just volunteer the information ie when you saw it, if you saw it, anything else you remember.
Don't be insulted. If it was stolen from her home, then it was taken by someone she trusted so it's not odd that she is reconsidering everything and everyone.

Branleuse Tue 13-Mar-18 22:36:27

shes lost something precious to her and is probably not feeling great about the fact she doesnt know which of her friends has stolen from her.
I dont think you need to make it all about you.

AnyFucker Tue 13-Mar-18 22:36:43

You sound like you are protesting a bit too much to me

She said she suspected everybody that has been in her home. Why are you taking it so personally ?

LittleMissPassiveAggressive Tue 13-Mar-18 22:38:09

I told her that I hadn't seen it.
I've been the victim in the past with this sort of thing so I know that it's upsetting to think that someone that you trust would do something like that to you.
I know I shouldn't wait for an outright accusation, but I'm unsure about how to broach the subject without our relationship being damaged beyond repair.
I'll be genuinely devastated if she says "Yes, actually, I think it was you"
I'm just torturing myself

Bazzle Tue 13-Mar-18 22:41:13

I'm literally shocked that you consider this person a close friend. No actual friend would do this!
If I were you I'd end the friendship immediately - be by accused of stealing is awful.

ButteredScone Tue 13-Mar-18 22:41:26

Seriously, just tell her it wasn’t you. Then change the subject. That’s it.

ClemDanfango Tue 13-Mar-18 22:42:12

If she still suspects you after you suggested that I think it’s fair to feel the way you do.
If you do want to confront her you can say something like
“When you said you suspect everyone I assume that includes me, whilst I’m hurt that you might suspect me I’d appreciate the chance to clear my name officially.
Will you take it to the police so I can do that? I feel like I’ve been accused along with everyone else and that’s reallg hurtful considering how close we are. I hope you can understand why I’ve brought this up.”

Obviously edit it to how you normally talk to each other but I think it’s quite non confrontational and hopefully shouldnt antagonise her.

Bazzle Tue 13-Mar-18 22:42:30

The police really won't have time for someone who lost some jewellery in their own home tbh.

ClemDanfango Tue 13-Mar-18 22:44:22

No probably not but hopefully OPs insistence of involving them will prove she can’t be guilty. Even if she wants to end the friendship, I’d still want to end it having proven myself innocent as much as I could.

Sara107 Tue 13-Mar-18 22:52:08

My mil lost a necklace and accused my dh of stealing it. In her mind t was the only possible thing that could have hàppened. Necklace was gone, he was the only one who had been in the house. 3 months later she found it, exactly where she had put it. But it was incredibly hurtful to be accused, so I do feel sorry for you op.

AnnieAnoniMouse Tue 13-Mar-18 22:57:55

Does she have the type of ‘friends’ that would steal something? I could leave my friends in a room full of bank notes and know that every single bank note would be there when they left.

Any very small children been to visit? They might have taken might be in a bag or pocket.

Chances are it’s down the back of the sofa or attached itself to a pice if clothing or something.

It’s something she bought herself she can claim on her insurance & replace it. At least it doesn’t have any sentimental value.

Gemini69 Tue 13-Mar-18 23:13:35

why does she have a circus of people traipsing through her home ?

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