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Who should pay for this ?

(94 Posts)
Everyotherweekend Tue 13-Mar-18 20:30:06

DSS might need some extensive dental work done. DH's ex took him to the appointment, called DH after and told him the outcome 4-7k. With the view of I'll send you the stuff let me know what you want to do. (ie how you want to pay for it) We currently pay generous maintenance, school fees and anything extra on top. Everyone works - shared custody. Completely appreciate he needs it done, no issue there. But a bit perplexed as to why it's up to us to find the money. Not for her to use the maintenance or for us to share the cost. AIBU ?

InDubiousBattle Tue 13-Mar-18 20:32:03

Is she expecting you to pay it all?

LoopyLoo92 Tue 13-Mar-18 20:32:28

How old is he? assuming DSS is under 18 surely it should be free on nhs?

Allthewaves Tue 13-Mar-18 20:33:35

Has there been an actual discussion that the mum expects dad to pay?

Trinity66 Tue 13-Mar-18 20:34:36

I would say you should go halves, it should be extra to maintenance

Areyousureaboutthat Tue 13-Mar-18 20:34:38

Doesn't "I'll send you the stuff let me know what you want to do" also allow for the possibility of suggesting you share costs? This is an out of the ordinary (very large) expense, so not covered by maintenance. Why don't you suggest this, instead of assuming ex is telling you to pay it all (which it doesn't sound like)?

FlouncyDoves Tue 13-Mar-18 20:35:03

£7k?! What the fuck is wrong with his teeth?!

Also, £4-7k is a wide ranging quote. Sure she isn’t pulling a fast one?

FlouncyDoves Tue 13-Mar-18 20:35:49

As to those saying it’s extra to the maintenance...yes, if the school fees are shared.

LolitaLempicka Tue 13-Mar-18 20:36:42

Maintenance covers living costs. If she uses it for dental work, how will she feed, clothe, house the kid? Of course your dp is responsible.

Sarsparella Tue 13-Mar-18 20:37:01

How old is DS? Isn’t this covered on the NHS? If that’s a private quote find an NHS dentist!

Justdontknow4321 Tue 13-Mar-18 20:37:06

4-7k? Is it private I presume ... how old is he?! What’s so bad with his teeth.

Even if it’s 4k and you go half’s, 2k is a huge amount of money to just find with little warning

Springtrolls Tue 13-Mar-18 20:39:11

Glad I'm not the only one wondering wtf is wrong with his teeth.
Find an nhs dentist.
Or split the cost.
Neither should be solely responsible. That amount of work doesn't happen overnight.

Everyotherweekend Tue 13-Mar-18 20:39:19

She expects us to pay, not covered by PHI or NHS (not uk) ... the let me know what you want to do is the 4K or the 7k option. blush(yes appreciate that the maintenance is for food, housing etc) but then what are her earnings for ? Shouldn't she contribute?

C0untDucku1a Tue 13-Mar-18 20:39:46

It is extra to maintenance. School fees are a separate matter.

Cost should be shared. Speak to dentist yourselves. Get a more accurate quote. Then say youll pay half.

Why are you even paying at all for a child’s dentist?

ivykaty44 Tue 13-Mar-18 20:40:23

orthodontist treatment doesn’t always come under NHS, it depends on treatment

C0untDucku1a Tue 13-Mar-18 20:40:38

What do the 4k and the 7k options involve?

GeekyBlinders Tue 13-Mar-18 20:41:02

From what I gather, orthodontist stuff often isn't available on the NHS any more if it's cosmetic rather that functional, e.g.. If it's "goofy" front teeth as opposed to being unable to bite properly.

I'd saying going halves is fair. Most dentists will let you do a payment plan.

AnotherExWife Tue 13-Mar-18 20:41:56

But she's not asking you to pay for it all she's asking what you want to do. As it's an extra cost it seems fair that both parents pay half.

Iloveacurry Tue 13-Mar-18 20:43:22

You should be paying half each surely?

Justdontknow4321 Tue 13-Mar-18 20:43:38

Just tell her your either do the 4K or 7k option (once you spoke to your dh) and tell her straight off your pay HALF and no more.

Liara Tue 13-Mar-18 20:43:39

You should split it, but you should also split going to all the appointments and doing all the other work that goes with.

MidniteScribbler Tue 13-Mar-18 20:44:20

"Thank you for sending through the quote. We believe the $4k option is reasonable and have transferred $2k to Xxxxx dentist to cover our half of the costs of this treatment."

Pinkprincess1978 Tue 13-Mar-18 21:22:31

Yep half to to each parent is the only fair way. Your DH needs to be clear in his response from the start that he is only willing to pay for half.

Banana8080 Tue 13-Mar-18 21:26:09

This should be shared and as she’s put ball in your DH court he should suggest this. It’s up to her to give a reason why DH should pay in full.

Everyotherweekend Tue 13-Mar-18 21:31:36

Her reasoning we should pay is that we are a bigger income household. 2 wages, not 1.

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