Finances and moving in together

[Goodgonegirl]

My partner and I are moving in together. We have discussed finances and have decided that salaries will be paid into a joint account, bills and joint spending will be paid out of that account, then we will both take out the same amount of money to spend on ourselves.

He earns a little more than me, but not much. He however has more savings than me.

We will need some money upfront to pay things like deposit in rented flat, some furniture etc, so WIBU to suggest that he puts a little more into the pot to cover these initial expenses, or should we go halves? I have 4K in savings, he has around 10k. If I put in 3k, and he put in 4.5k, would this be fair? I would be putting in less, but a higher percentage of total savings.

Thoughts?

[bettinasofine]

I'd put in the same amount.

[Littlelambpeep]

No - I think you should go halves. If you earn the same and he has more savings - that is his to keep I think

[Goodgonegirl]

Fair enough, but the amount we need would be around 7.5k total, and that would leave me with almost no savings, if that makes a difference? Although not living together before, we have been together for five years and regard ourselves as partners, not just boyfriend/girlfriend.

[FawnDrench]

What's his view on it?

[Firesuit]

My first though was that as you have half as much savings, you should put in half as much as him. But if he's saved that much more without earning that much more, then I don't think he should be penalised for saving, you should each put in half.

[Goodgonegirl]

His savings mainly came from family (generous Xmas presents etc), I have less as my living costs were higher. Also to point out, his living costs will go down when we live together, as he will be paying less rent and bills etc

[Barbaro]

First thought us that's a lot of money for furniture and deposit. Do you not have some furniture already that you can use? I'd not, maybe try second hand or just get essentials and buy as you go along?

But yeah splitting in half sounds better, or maybe pay him back in installments? My boyfriend and I do that sometimes as he doesn't spend most of his money whereas most of mine goes on my hobby, so if I need to pay something for us, if I can't afford it he pays and I pay him back. Not ideal but he doesn't mind thankfully.

[Goodgonegirl]

Ok, so try to cut costs and put in same amount each? I just want to keep some savings of my own, having been in a financially abusive relationship before and would feel vulnerable without any savings of my own. I don’t think that is unreasonable?

[Littlelambpeep]

Fair enough.. don't blame you for needing security. .don't spend that much at the moment. Totally agree with taking your time - we bought our sofas on Gumtree and we are high earners. Lovely stuff out there second hand . Or ikea stuff

[Barbaro]

Yeah don't buy everything brand new. Some people give away really good sofas for free to make way for their new one. Same with beds, wardrobes etc. If you have 2 bedrooms, don't buy 2 beds you only need 1 for now. Get the essentials first, bed, sofa, storage for clothes. The rest isn't essential and can wait.

[LemonSqueezy0]

You do need to cut your cloth accordingly.

You don't want to become financially abusive by making decisions about his money and taking over how he spends his money. Keep talking to him, and only commit to spending an amount where you can comfortably afford 50% of the cost....