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To pursue ASD assessment?

(92 Posts)
FullOfCatholicGuilt Tue 13-Mar-18 19:47:17

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FullOfCatholicGuilt Tue 13-Mar-18 20:49:27

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WishingOnABar Tue 13-Mar-18 20:54:48

What does DS want? Is he struggling at school and would therefore benefit from the support a diagnosis would bring?

FullOfCatholicGuilt Tue 13-Mar-18 21:00:15

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BackforGood Tue 13-Mar-18 21:03:04

Does his Dad think they tattoo a diagnosis on to his forehead?
If ds doesn't want people to know, then he doesn't tell them.
However, as you are finding out, a diagnosis can take a looooong time to get, so if it all starts to fall apart at secondary - where life is very different from Primary, and your ds could have 10 different teachers on his timetable - he will already have that diagnosis.
If he isn't needing additional support / adjustments made for him at the moment, that isn't to say he won't as he gets older.

BackforGood Tue 13-Mar-18 21:06:37

x posted.
Well it sounds like your ds isn't happy, and he might well manage better if he understands why he is wired differently and if he can access some support.

monkeysox Tue 13-Mar-18 21:11:23

Definitely persue so he gets help at school esp secondary

User3656438769 Tue 13-Mar-18 21:14:00


Well my advice would be to think long, hard and honestly about why you want a diagnosis and what the pro's and cons might be, and what is in your DC's best interest.

I have seen all sides of this. On the plus side, if you need SEN support for your DC at school, he might need a diagnosis.

On the other hand, I worked therapeutically with a young adult who'd had a diagnosis from the age of 12. It had a massive affect on his self identity, what he thought he could and couldn't do, how others perceived him, and what he thought of his future. We reassessed him age 22 and he was not found to meet criteria for diagnosis at that age when assessed using a full ADOS. You can imagine how confusing that all was.

Some kids are on the spectrum and always will be. You could just see them as a bit quirky, and support them and their traits, and they will do just fine. A label often means limits. My DH is probably on the spectrum - but how would it help him to have a diagnosis? He is just who he is, is perfectly happy and successful being himself, and I love him and all his quirkiness! He's a great dad too.

However, if your DC is really struggling and the label would lead to extra support, maybe have the assessments and subsequent label, but hold the label lightly and never let your DC feel the diagnosis limits them in any way.

It's a tough one OP and probably feels a hard decision to make. Best of luck with it all flowers

angularmerkel Tue 13-Mar-18 21:15:46

My advice would be to definitely pursue a diagnosis. Our ds has aspergers, got diagnosed at 12 and the relief for him in having a name for his differences was tremendous. He felt he could finally be himself. I wished that we had gone for a diagnosis years before as it's an enormously long process.
I'm not saying that it's been easy but being able to have a name to help understand and to help other people to understand has been priceless.

FullOfCatholicGuilt Tue 13-Mar-18 21:16:39

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WishingOnABar Tue 13-Mar-18 21:20:03

Yes, IME you are looking at around 2 years to get to that diagnosis and he will probably need additional support especially with Sats and transitioning to secondary school.

It’s not a public information announcement, so not like it will affect all of his interactions.
My ds knows he has autism, we have discussed some of his difficulties (handwriting, coordination, anger management) and he is aware those things are down to “different brain wiring”. I actually feel it makes him happier to be able to put a name to that and know it is not his fault rather than just feeling different to others and not knowing why.

Ds’s class (with his permission given to the teacher) watched some programmes about autism to help them understand, and most have been really great at supporting him when he gets overwhelmed or is struggling with classroom noise or his work

FullOfCatholicGuilt Tue 13-Mar-18 22:12:13

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shouldwestayorshouldwego Tue 13-Mar-18 22:15:27

The flip side of secondary school is that there is a bigger pastoral/SENCO/ support team. They will have more experience with dc with special needs because they see more of them. There is a wider cohort of friends to draw on. Yes there is the timetable to master but they know what is coming next, the teacher won't suddenly cancel art because they need to do more maths. They might not like all of the teachers but they only have the ones they don't get on with a few hours each week. I am not saying it is a walk in the park and obviously if he will need a specialist placement then you will need to push that on forward, however secondary school has some benefits too.

BlackeyedSusan Tue 13-Mar-18 22:25:54


emotional decomposition on transfer to secondary school is a thing...leaving you picking the pieces up of a very traumatised child.

BackforGood Tue 13-Mar-18 22:28:22

Your last post is incredibly eloquent, and I think sums up why it has to be in his best interests to have that assessment. flowers

TheSconeOfStone Tue 13-Mar-18 22:31:37

My daughter was diagnosed at 8. She knew for some time before that she was different. It’s been a massive relief to all of us to be honest. She knows that her feelings are totally real and we have been able to access support, it’s not easy but would be impossible without he diagnosis.

We don’t see ASD as something to be ashamed of. Teaching her to open up about her challenges and anxieties is helping us prepare for the future and limit the mental health problems associated with not understanding the condition.

Good luck. I hope you and your son get some support.

ItsBeenAHellofaDay Tue 13-Mar-18 22:33:51

OP your last post was beautiful. You are clearly an excellent mum who wants the best for her son. Can you show your DH that post? (Or this thread) so he can see where you are coming from? and you can both have the conversation again(?)

By the way - you don't need to be full of catholic guilt. I expect you have nothing to feel guilty for, even if you've been made to feel that way. You could call yourself something kinder flowers

vayab1 Tue 13-Mar-18 22:34:55

I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 11 and as soon as I was I wasn’t so angry at the world. I’d been so angry at primary school because I knew I was different and so did the children but no tests were done until year six. It helps me understand why I’m now finding a lot of the normal transitions into adulthood hard (I’m about to turn 18) but also helps me with coping mechanisms for mental health issues (which can be very different than for people with “normal” working brains). However some parents I know were worried about the impact of a child growing up with a label and so never told their child until they were older but schools and other necessary systems were informed so the right support was given, maybe that’s an option? Obviously your child is old enough to understand what’s going on but perhaps you can turn it so he never questions what the results are?

theeyeofthestormchaser Tue 13-Mar-18 22:40:24

Your last post was beautifully eloquent, and summed up just why your ds should have an assessment.

I agree with you. Show your dh this thread?

If you are on the spectrum, that is totally different to your ds’s situation. He is not coping. He is not happy. Girls tend to be better at masking...

He’d Benefit from a diagnosis. What does your h think will happen?

FullOfCatholicGuilt Tue 13-Mar-18 22:46:09

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theeyeofthestormchaser Tue 13-Mar-18 23:27:00

Sounds like he’s in denial. Sad that he’d put his own feelings above his ds’s needs. I hope you can convince him.

Pesto37 Tue 13-Mar-18 23:49:17

Hi OP,
You sound like you are in a good position to continue pursuing a diagnosis, his needs are best served when they are identified. I have been down this road and even though my little boy (also 9) receives very little in terms of extra help it is so useful to have strategies advice and support on hand. All the best to you x

FullOfCatholicGuilt Wed 14-Mar-18 09:15:18

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SluttyButty Wed 14-Mar-18 09:19:09

I wanted the assessment, my ex, son's father didn’t. The assessment went ahead because I have residency.

FullOfCatholicGuilt Wed 14-Mar-18 09:20:48

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