Unfair school run?

[upsideup]

Up untill last year my DH was sharing the school run to the junior school with our NDNs, so he would drive their two one day and they would drive ours the next. last september another neighbours twins started at the school and as he is the only one with a 7 steater he's the only one who can take all 6 children at once so has slowly ended up doing all drop offs and pick ups.

To take the other twins aswell he has to use our bigger car which costs a lot more in petrol, they never say thankyou, often cause arguements about where they are sitting, needing to swap seats and nedding DH to pull over so they can g to the toilet every journey, they also make so much mess of the car spilling food and leaving rubbish on the floor.

AIBU to think this is incredibly unfair? Can we just stop offering the lift to the twins unless the favour is returned in someway? What can we suggest?

[Namechangetempissue]

YANBU. Just say the arrangement isn't working for you anymore and sort yourself out. You don't need to explain yourself.

[Fishface77]

Just say there’s a problem with 2 of the car seats and they aren’t safe.
And even if you do start using them say oh we found we preferred it with just 5 people on the school run so we won’t take them anymore.
I know people here say no is a complete sentence but it can be difficult.
Whatever you do don’t apologise.

[Namechangetempissue]

Thing is, if you start making up excuses like things being broken, you inevitably get the offers of help to repair, and then persistent asking about if they are fixed yet etc etc. Far better to just be up front and say from so and so date we won't be able to do the school runs anymore as our situation has changed. Short, polite and enough explanation for cheeky fuckers people you know on a casual basis through your kids.

[WineIsTheAnswer]

Why did you agree to a car share situation where your car would be the only one used? It's clearly unfair.

I would either say it's become unworkable for you or ask the other parents to both drive the 3 families one day and you'll do the next. So all are doing every other.

[Thistlebelle]

I wouldn’t take children who misbehaved or spilled food regardless of other concerns.

But no, it’s not fair and you should either stop or charge petrol.

[YBR]

If you feel guilty about just stopping, you could state your frustrations and say that it will either cost £x (make it reasonable) and goes by your DH's rules, or they can sort them selves.
Give it a trial period to see if you can make it work.

[KatharinaRosalie]

So instead of sharing the school run, he is doing them all? Of course it's not fair.

[Lizzie48]

You should just say that it doesn't work for you, I know that it's hard to say no sometimes so you should rehearse what you're going to say beforehand, because it can be hard to think what to say when in the situation.

'No' is a full sentence - that's something I've learned from Mumsnet.

You could also say you'll have to start charging for fuel, they should have offered really.

[FetchezLaVache]

So he's taking two sets of neighbours' kids to school as well as your own, they never take a turn, the kids are a PITA and he doesn't get so much as a thank you? Fuck that.

Tell both sets of neighbours that the arrangement no longer works for you, you'll continue until the end of next week, but after that, you're afraid they'll have to make their own arrangements.

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

I don't get why you changed your original agreement to include the twins in the first place?

[FullMetalRabbit]

Just say there’s a problem with 2 of the car seats and they aren’t safe

no! don't make any excuse they can solve

this isn't working for us anymore should suffice

[AnathemaPulsifer]

So he's taking two sets of neighbours' kids to school as well as your own, they never take a turn, the kids are a PITA and he doesn't get so much as a thank you? Fuck that.

Couldn't have put it better myself 😀

[AnotherOriginalUsername]

How long is the journey that they need a toilet break?!

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

Go talk to the newer neighbours, tell them you won't continue to give their twins lifts as they are messy, unruly and generally a bit of a pain. Maybe when they have grown up a little bit, learn to share, go to the loo before they leave home etc....

But generally, just stop being a bloody doormat!

[MadameJosephine]

They are taking the piss. I’d just be straight and tell the other parents that while you were happy to have a mutually beneficial car sharing arrangement you are not prepared to do all of the school runs so from now on (or maybe next week if you’re feeling generous and want to give them a bit more notice) you’ll only be taking and picking up your own DC

[HeebieJeebies456]

Start charging for petrol - in advance.
Create a no food or drink rule in the car and insist they be taken to the toilet before he picks them up.

He's no longer in a shared arrangement -he's being used as the official taxi driver so you need to adjust your rules.

What happens if for some reason your kids don't go to school one day-will he still be expected to take theirs?
Personally,i'd stop taking the kids and let their parents take back responsibility, or at least stop using the big car unless they start paying towards petrol/insurance/maintenance etc.

[CrumbsThatsQuick]

I am sorry, but the current school run arrangements are not working for us. Yhe current system, where DH does all the runs is not sustainavle for us. We will have to put in place some new rules for the Summer term.

1. No eating in car.
   
2. No swapping seats.
   
3. No stopping for toilet en route.
   

Please could you also have a chat with the kids about not arguing in the car as it ia very distracting.

In addition, we have to ask for Xp per mile contribution fuel/insurance/wear and tear. (Make it reasonable, but also so that you are not out of pocket)

Altenatively, if you are able to offer reciprocal lifts, to share the load, we won't have to charge obviously!

All the best, etc etc.

[ZenNudist]

Dont even know how people let others railroad them into these things.

Stop doing it. See if you can go back to original arrangements

[CruCru]

I agree with MadameJosephine. Tell them now - don't let this become an even more settled arrangement.

[WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo]

I think you're mistaking car share with free taxi service.

[15star]

Just be honest! Say its costing too much in time and petrol and it's unfair to be lumped with all the school runs. I see 3 options-

1. Completely stop arrangement and you all take your own kids
   
2. Stop taking twins and go back to previous arrangement
   
3. Continue current set up but get petrol money off both parents and have words about kids behaviour

[Stillwishihadabs]

I had to do this last term, cheeky fuckers who don't understand that favours have to be repaid !!

[Topseyt]

They are all massively taking the piss.

I wouldn't bother putting rules in place or this arrangement will never end.

Just tell all of the neighbours that this is not working for you, so after the end of this week you will no longer be providing a taxi service for their badly behaved brats children.

You are not a free taxi service.

[pawpatrolearworm]

AIBU to think this is incredibly unfair? Can we just stop offering the lift to the twins unless the favour is returned in someway? What can we suggest?

The real question is why did you offer/agree to do a lift share that is completely unworkable in the first place? Lift swaps only work if all parties have the required room, you knew from the start that you could not get the lifts back you gave. You can't blame anyone else for it being unfair.

[KittenBeast]

Bollocks to that, have them pay you as much as a taxi to the school would cost, or just say no.