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Is this over involvement on my part?

(25 Posts)
Luckyaide Tue 13-Mar-18 14:06:59

Try and be brief, changing a few details so as not to out myself.
Visited family, ds there too who is in early stages of pregnancy. Had been chatting about scan, dates etc.
At time of leaving I say goodbyes, have good week etc, to ds are you 12 weeks tomorrow then? She replies yes. DM says 'leave her alone, her baby not yours.' I feebly laughed it off and left. But still thinking wtf.
Was I BU?
Ds and dm v close If that makes any difference?

Luckyaide Tue 13-Mar-18 14:08:52

*ds = sister not son grin

Trinity66 Tue 13-Mar-18 14:09:19

What a weird thing to say, you were definitely not BU. I'm not sure why her and your mother being close would make any difference, it was a weird thing to say

smoothliminal Tue 13-Mar-18 14:09:56

How weird. It doesn't sound from what you've said like you are over-involved!

LeighaJ Tue 13-Mar-18 14:10:24

That's a very weird response from your mother when you asked your sister a pretty normal question.

Trinity66 Tue 13-Mar-18 14:10:41

also she's your sister, you have every right to be as involved as your mother

DailyMailFail101 Tue 13-Mar-18 14:13:47

Huh? I don understand what she meant, you asked a reasonable question.

PositivelyPERF Tue 13-Mar-18 14:14:12

Your mother is a fucking weirdo. How did your sister react?

Luckyaide Tue 13-Mar-18 14:15:49

Thank you. Sounds very odd replaying it back. Perhaps that's why I'm posting on a forum instead of talking to someone in rl.
I mentioned they were close in case a hidden agenda, perhaps sister had said something to dm to suggest concerns I might take over??!!! I don't know!! I don't even see them that often , usually every 6 weeks or so.

Luckyaide Tue 13-Mar-18 14:16:28

Sister said nothing.

Trinity66 Tue 13-Mar-18 14:18:26

Luckyaide If it were me I'd have to bring it up with her and ask her what she meant by it. That you thought it was a strange thing to say and it was a bit insulting when you were just being interested in your sister and her pregnancy

childmindingmumof3 Tue 13-Mar-18 14:18:31

Depends what else has been said when you were chatting about scans.

DayKay Tue 13-Mar-18 14:18:42

It sounds like there’s a strange dynamic between you, your sister and your mum. Does your mum want to be closer to your sister than you to your sister?

There was nothing wrong with what you said.

implantsandaDyson Tue 13-Mar-18 14:19:13

On the face of it as a comment to your one off question about her being 12 weeks, yes it's a bit wtf but when you were all chatting during the visit, is there any possibility you may have overstepped a bit? I don't know if you have kids but I've been in situations where someone has asked a question about baby scans/dates/ seemingly innocuous chatter and then proceeded to steer the whole conversation to their experiences, which is a right pain in the arse.
Or maybe your sister is worried/nervous and has been talking to your mum about it and she has handled it in a cack handed way - that may just be my mother!

UnicornRainbowColours Tue 13-Mar-18 14:20:15

Why don’t you ring your mum up and ask her what she meant?

Nocabbageinmyeye Tue 13-Mar-18 14:21:52

Weird confused <--- that would have been exactly the face I would have pulled too

Luckyaide Tue 13-Mar-18 14:31:30

Possible that sister is worried, yes that may make sense. Don't think I talked about my experience of scans. We did talk about how parenting advice has has changed, my sister told me what's advised about what you can and can't eat and I mentioned that weening advice has changed to 6 months. (My DC are all practically grown up now, I was advised 3 months I think. )DM asked how I knew this, if I'd been looking it up. I hadn't just see a lot of stuff on here!
There are lots of other things going on in the family at the mo. Don't feel I can bring it up with DM. Some years ago I fell out with sister. DM took her side and didn't speak to me or my DC for 6 months so I'm fearful. I think this is a warning that I need to keep my distance emotionally. Makes me sad though. Thanks for answers I just wanted to check that it sounded strange to other people too.

Trinity66 Tue 13-Mar-18 14:42:59

That's a shame that your mother would stop contact with not only her daughter but her grandkids too over an argument that wasn't even hers. Unless you did something truly awful I don't understand that but you shouldn't have to tip toe around them to have a relationship with them

TheJoyOfSox Tue 13-Mar-18 14:44:43

Ignore it.

But ignore the pregnancy too, don’t ask how dis is, how scans went, how anit-natal appointments go etc.
When your lack of interest is pointed out quote your mother “her baby, not mine” and remind them that it was your mother that told you to “leave her alone”
I’d continue with the ignoring until after your new dn has arrived , but I’m a bloody stubborn old goat. You may well be more mature than me.

Yanbu, I found it a very strange thing to say from your mother!

WinstonlovesJulia1984 Tue 13-Mar-18 14:46:56

This sort of pointed remark is nearly always the tip of a very big iceberg, so your follow-up post about falling out with your sister and your mother taking her side is no surprise. The mature way to deal with it would be to ring your mother up and ask her what she meant, but of course you may open a whole can of worms or get further cryptic comments. I sympathise.

DayKay Tue 13-Mar-18 15:07:48

How do you get in with your sister now? Do you contact her or see her without your mum at all?

I agree with a pp - unless you did something really awful, it’s an odd way for a mother to behave. I would have thought most mother’s would try to encourage a reconciliation.

VladmirsPoutine Tue 13-Mar-18 15:11:41

How very odd. Have you been banging on about your sister's pregnancy?

Even so it is a very bizarre thing to say to you. If they're as close as you say, i.e. have a closer relationship with each other than each of them have with you then I think it'd be safe to assume some words might have been said between them that didn't paint you in a good light.

Luckyaide Tue 13-Mar-18 17:03:50

Thanks all. Experience tells me a more direct approach will blow this up into something huge which at some level will impact on my sister which obvs wouldn't be great,plus Im unlikely to get any resolution. Cest la vie.

MyBrilliantDisguise Tue 13-Mar-18 17:08:47

I think your mum wants to stay close to your sister and feels you threaten that for some daft reason. Is she normally quite self-important?

And any mum who could stop seeing her child and grandchildren because of a row she had with someone else is really awful.

SpringHen Tue 13-Mar-18 17:08:50

I dont think we can say either way. You may have been overbearing up to that point so it wasnt just about the 12 week question at the end IYKWIM

I do think its a bit overwhelming for a 1st time pregnant women in the first trimester for you to be bringing up weaning...bit soon innit when shes still trying to get her head around being pregnant.

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