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“I apologise if I’ve offended you”

(345 Posts)
MadMaryBoddington Tue 13-Mar-18 09:19:23

AIBU to think this is a mealy-mouthed, patronising, inadequate excuse for an apology.

Just had ‘words’ with a van driver who had mounted the kerb and was driving with two wheels along the pavement on the village high street this morning.

Five year old ds was running ahead of me on the way to school, and suddenly there was this van driving along the pavement towards him. I yelled at ds to STOP, he did, about three metres in front of the van. Van carried on moving. I raced up to him, grabbed ds, and the driver then pulled off the kerb as I approached his window to yell at him.

He did not appear to think he’d done anything wrong. He ‘apologised if he had offended me’. Offended! I asked if he had children and how he would feel if he saw his child running along a pavement with a large vehicle approaching along it. He said he did have kids, and that he could assure me that he ‘was in full control of his vehicle the whole time’.

I’m raging. The high street is narrow. This happened at a pinch point where vehicles cannot pass side by side if they are large. Legally they should wait for a gap, but often they mount the kerb instead, especially at rush hour. It always makes me angry but they do at least usually stop dead if they see a pedestrian and pull off the pavement straight away. This guy carried on driving.

I normally keep the dc close to me or hold their hands along this stretch of road so that I can grab them if necessary. It’s typical that this morning I had my hands full with musical instruments and bags and so on and was momentarily distracted by saying something to dd behind me, and ds had run further ahead than I’d have liked.

Ironically it was a Highways Agency van.

piratequeenio Tue 13-Mar-18 09:23:27

You have over reacted.
You were rude and aggressive .
He was in the wrong.
He apologised.

Move on.

And next time you are on a narrow busy road hold your kids hands.

SmashedMug Tue 13-Mar-18 09:25:53

Yanbu, it's not a proper apology. Along with "I'm sorry you feel that way".

I do agree that you should have been holding hands on a path where drivers regularly mount the kerb though.

Pickleypickles Tue 13-Mar-18 09:27:50

You over reacted and his apology was a bit shit BUT seen as nothing actually happened im not sure what you were expecting hin to apologise for?

Babyplaymat Tue 13-Mar-18 09:28:15

It's a classic "sorry not sorry".

I would make a complaint.

GreatDuckCookery Tue 13-Mar-18 09:29:15

YABU. He shouldn't have mounted the kerb but should have waited for his side to become clear but he apologised. Get a grip of your dc and don't let them run ahead in future.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Tue 13-Mar-18 09:30:05

The van was on the pavement, Queenio
Last time checked vans do not belong on pavements, pedestrians do.
A five year old boy was running slightly a head of his mum. What's wrong with that. Lots of children run on a head. You don't expect vehicles to start mounting pavements.

piratequeenio Tue 13-Mar-18 09:30:17

A complaint?


Hello - one of your drivers drove on the pavement so I screamed at him and he apologised and no one was hurt.

But do go on, it will brighten someone's day in the office at the very least.

Dungeondragon15 Tue 13-Mar-18 09:32:51

YANBU. He shouldn't have been on the pavement and then he compounded the situation by giving a classic "non-apology". I would make a complaint.

GreatDuckCookery Tue 13-Mar-18 09:34:24

He did apologise. " I apologise if I offended you " is an apology. The OP was offended because he went on the kerb. He said sorry.confused

krustykittens Tue 13-Mar-18 09:35:51

YANBU- he shouldn't have mounted the pavement and he certainly shouldn't have kept driving with a child directly ahead of him. I'd complain about the knobber too

Bodicea Tue 13-Mar-18 09:35:59

Disagree with the other posters. A child should be able to run along a pavement without fear of being hit by a van. The road is for cars the pavement is for pedestrians.

I have a four year old who turns into the exorcist when I try to hold his hand. It’s an ongoing battle but he does have the good sense to stay on the pavements and I shouldn’t have to worry about cars mounting the pavement.

He should have just admitted he was in the wrong.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Tue 13-Mar-18 09:37:04

Driving on the pavement is illegal and he nearly hit a pedestrian. Your 5 year old has right of way on the pavement, so it is not reasonable to assume you should have hold of his hand in case he gets hit by a van.
Report him to the police, if it's the high street there may be CCTV cameras or his employer may have installed a dashcam.
He needs charged with dangerous driving and ideally banned, it is never acceptable to drive on the pavement and put pedestrians in danger.

GreatDuckCookery Tue 13-Mar-18 09:37:57

Disagree that children have the right to run ahead on the pavement. In an ideal world they should be able to but you cannot control how people drive so should have your dc near to you preferably holding their hands if the road is busy.

Dungeondragon15 Tue 13-Mar-18 09:39:48

Hello - one of your drivers drove on the pavement so I screamed at him and he apologised and no one was hurt.

Do you actually consider "'I'm sorry I offended you" to be an apology?! It is a classic non-apology. And mounting pavements when there are children around is incredibly dangerous and illegal. He was a total dickhead.

keepingbees Tue 13-Mar-18 09:39:55

YANBU and I dont think you overreacted (and even if you did it was probably because you panicked.)
He was in the wrong for driving on the path and it could have ended very differently if your child hadn't heard you calling or stopped in time.

AuntLydia Tue 13-Mar-18 09:40:12

I can't believe some of the responses on here. The van was driving on the pavement - he mounted a pavement with a kid on it and drove along. His driving couldn't have been any more dangerous and reckless. And yes his 'apology' was bollocks. Op wasn't 'offended' for fucks sake. She was angry that he put her child in danger. Op, I would complain to the highways agency, I would also bring this issue to the attention of your local police officer and council if it's regularly happening.

Firesuit Tue 13-Mar-18 09:40:30

He knew that he had seen the child and there wasn't a problem. He probably should be taking the rational anxieties of various pedestrians into account, but maybe he was too busy concentrating on higher priorities, not hitting things. (That sounds a bit sarcastic, but I'm serious. As a driver sometime you have to focus on the more important things.)

Hotpinkangel19 Tue 13-Mar-18 09:40:57

That road sounds dangerous, a narrow pavement on a high street? Why were you not holding your 5 year old's hand? The driver was wrong to mount the kerb but if there's one thing you can learn from this is to have better control over your small child near a busy road.

Dungeondragon15 Tue 13-Mar-18 09:42:10

For anyone who doesn't know the highway code:

BezzaMezza Tue 13-Mar-18 09:42:15

He was in the wrong and should have apologized for nearly running over a kid on the pavement not a crap apology for "if he had offended the op"

Firesuit Tue 13-Mar-18 09:42:46

I agree he was in the wrong for not stopping.

Dungeondragon15 Tue 13-Mar-18 09:43:24

I can't believe some of the responses on here. The van was driving on the pavement - he mounted a pavement with a kid on it and drove along.

I'm surprised too but there are plenty of dickheads around who do this so perhaps they are posting on here.

Firkinell Tue 13-Mar-18 09:44:10

I would be cross. Maybe channel your anger into trying to get something done about the issue - a rail along the pavement so the cars/vans cannot mount the kerb, maybe.

Sorry there are other posters getting at you: it must have been a scary moment, and I'm not surprised you reacted as you did. Kids have been killed and seriously injured in such circumstances.

FifiVoldemortsChavvyCousin Tue 13-Mar-18 09:45:05

I know of a child who was killed this way. A van cannot see something that far down, on his far side. Could be a dog, could be a toddler.

‘Sorry, not sorry I killed a child’ well no one died just by luck.


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