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To be annoyed?

(40 Posts)
3month Mon 12-Mar-18 21:05:38

I’ll try to be brief...

We have a 4 month old DD.
Colleague at my husbands work has a 1 month old DS.

When our girl was born, not a single colleague at my husbands work gave a card/gift/flowers/ nothing. Barely acknowledged our exciting news of our first child.

When other colleagues second child was born a couple months later, they get flowers delivered to the house the next day, and gifts from management?

We are not grabby at all (honest, I know it might come across like we are) but it’s just the unfairness of it? How can they give to one employee but not the other? And it was from management on behalf of the whole company. It wasn’t a private personal gift, which would be different, but still why give a personal gift to one employee but not the other, when both employees are at the same level and appear to get on ok with management?

This post is on behalf of my husband. Any good comebacks/ comments he could make to show how upset he is at this?
Or are we making something out of it more than it is?

Thank you smile

LeighaJ Mon 12-Mar-18 21:10:41

Is the other colleague female? If so the visibility of her pregnancy as well as her being the one carrying the child could explain the difference in their treatment.

hidinginthenightgarden Mon 12-Mar-18 21:10:55

YANBU. It isn't worth the fight.
My DH's company put £500 is a trust when staff have a baby.
We adopted so didn't get it. Colleagues were very generous with gifts though.

rjay123 Mon 12-Mar-18 21:11:25

At my place, it’s the line managers responsibility to alert Hr and management to it, so a baby box and card can be arranged.

Many your DH has a useless line manager.

Allthebestnamesareused Mon 12-Mar-18 21:12:36

Was the other colleague female? Ie was it actually the employee who gave birth?

I have never worked anywhere where presents were bought for the make parent but we've always bought for a female employee who has given birth to the baby

Justdontknow4321 Mon 12-Mar-18 21:12:43

Not that it’s right but it’s because he’s male And I presume she is female. They can see she’s pregnant etc so makes it more real

Allthebestnamesareused Mon 12-Mar-18 21:13:17

* male not make - bliddy phone!

Crispbutty Mon 12-Mar-18 21:14:41

If it’s a female employee then while I agree it’s unfair I can understand how it has happened

pawpatrolearworm Mon 12-Mar-18 21:15:13

* Any good comebacks/ comments he could make to show how upset he is at this?*

Anything would only serve to make him look foolish.

Like pp I assume that the other person was female, which I do think makes a difference.

ThePinkOcelot Mon 12-Mar-18 21:15:57

YANBU or grabby. That’s shoddy for sure!!

WillowWept Mon 12-Mar-18 21:17:06

Depends on whether colleague was Male it female.

WillowWept Mon 12-Mar-18 21:17:20

Male or female

SomeKnobend Mon 12-Mar-18 21:18:07

For goodness sake, she has pushed a baby out of her vagina. She deserves some fucking flowers. They're not for the baby! When he pushes a baby out of his crotch, his work will send him flowers too. Tell him to get a grip.

3month Mon 12-Mar-18 21:21:12

Sorry should have said both are male.

When the colleague had his first child, my husband gave a gift and card personally to the colleague, and actually gave to another man in the company who had a child.

No gifts in return.
Not that you give to receive, but you know what I mean??
Even if everyone signed a card, would have been nice. But nope! Glad we aren’t the only ones thinking it’s not ok.

SomeKnobend Mon 12-Mar-18 21:24:10

OK sorry, in that case wtf? Did everyone know he was having a baby? Did he take paternity leave? Did he email baby news and photos the next day and if so what response did he get?

MissEliza Mon 12-Mar-18 21:25:26

That seems really mean. I don't blame you for feeling miffed.

3month Mon 12-Mar-18 21:27:59


They were both male employees?

I’m not sure I have understood your post?

The flowers were sent as a congratulations to the colleagues wife I suppose, but then why did I not get flowers? I guess my 36 hour labour doesn’t qualify for flowers. confused
( sorry, I don’t mean to sound bitter... maybe just a bit!)blush

MyBrilliantDisguise Mon 12-Mar-18 21:28:29

I think this is so bad that he could quite legitimately bring it up with his manager. Differentiating between staff like that is completely wrong.

SomeKnobend Mon 12-Mar-18 21:34:13

Yes I got that when you said it op, I meant, in that case it's wtf were the work thinking because that obviously unfair. Unless somehow they were not aware of your baby, or I suppose if a new staff member organised the gift.

3month Mon 12-Mar-18 21:35:41

Yep, he had been going on about it literally for months, telling everyone he was going for scans, had to take time off urgently when I became unwell at 36 weeks.
Yep, emailed / WhatsApp’d work to let them know/ sent pics- I suppose they replied with the usual congratulations, etc. I never saw the messages so I wouldn’t know.

Then went into work after paternity leave, a tiny announcement made at a staff mtg ( along the lines of ‘ oh and ( husbands name).... became a dad recently..... lovely, aye, and onto the next item on the agenda)

Then other colleague returned today after his paternity and told husband all he had received thinking we had got the same. Only we hadn’t. Awkward.confused

3month Mon 12-Mar-18 21:37:24

Oh and Ive just realised... my husband has actually been at the company longer than this other guy.

13 years compared with approx 10 years.

I’m just annoying myself with all this now.

dontcallmethatyoucunt Mon 12-Mar-18 21:38:31

*My DH's company put £500 is a trust when staff have a baby.
We adopted so didn't get it*

OMG shock that is utterly offensive and a disgrace.

AjasLipstick Mon 12-Mar-18 21:38:59

This happened to me OP! My colleague had a baby and the manager got her a gift and card.

When I had mine, he got me nothing! Weird.

Avasarala Mon 12-Mar-18 21:45:03

Is he friendly with any of the managers? At my old work, we'd just have been like "hey, where's Mine!" And made a wee joke out if it - managers would have made a joke back but would have sorted it out.

GreatDuckCookery Mon 12-Mar-18 21:45:56

That's really weird OP and I'm not surprised you're upset.

Do you think someone cocked up where your flowers and card are concerned? For whatever reason they just didn't get sent?

Is DH liked at work? Sorry that's a bit blunt I know I'm just thinking of all the reasons that could be why you didn't get anything.

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