I really think we should replace the SAS and MI5 personnel with Yodel drivers.

[HoneyDragon]

Seriously. Their skill at getting to houses entirely undetected is unparalleled. No note through the door; no ring of the bell, no actually sighting. Even though you’ve tracked them on the damn app for three hours. Then BOOM “we tried to contact you but you were out”. And their van apparently PROVES they came to my house. Now that’s some technology that the MOD could use.

In fairness many Parcel Force employees could also join up given their training is so advanced they can practically teleport a we tried to deliver you parcel slip into your house; rather than like, just bang on the door and hand you a parcel.

(IANBU)

(This is also a very very very very serious suggestion (very) and not at all lighthearted in any way what so ever)

[sirlee66]

Brilliant suggestion! Who can we contact to recommend these stethy dilivary drivers for mi5??

[strawberrysparkle]

Completely agree! Twice this weekend I've had Mother's Day flowers dumped at our gate when the address clearly isn't ours and had to go deliver them. If I wasn't an honest person it would have been a cheap Mother's Day for me!!

[WorraLiberty]

The Yodel deliverers around here are the total opposite.

They've perfected banging on doors so loudly and aggressively, the whole street thinks there's a police raid.

[WorraLiberty]

In fact during Summer months, I'm worried they're going to throw a stun grenade through an open window.

[HoneyDragon]

I don’t know who to contact, or worse I do contact MI5 and get assassinated by DHL as it turns out this has been their training plan all along. Hence the drivers just disappear one day never to be a seen again.

[HoneyDragon]

Worra

We tried to deliver. But your parcel requires a signature and the household were unconscious please call 0870 £££££££££ to arrange redelivery

[carryondoctor]

They're also really good at being offensive.

My old flat in London was on a street where half of it was one name and half the other (like St. John and st Mark) but the mansion blocks all looked the same.

Delivery driver was buzzing me at 7am (and waking the toddler). I refused to let him in the block as he had the wrong name. He got really aggressive over the intercom.

Eventually he left. Then he buzzed again.

"It's meant to be st Mark," he said accusingly, like it was MY fault he was too thick to read the street signs. "So you can fuck off!"

I was so that I actually rang them to complain, but of course they did fuck all about it.

[HoneyDragon]

You obviously got a frontline berserker

[Jaxhog]

Yodel drivers are also able to throw parcels a long way too.We have a flight of stair to our front door, so they fling the parcels over the wall to land just by the front door. Nothing broken yet, but it's just a matter of time... If they need a signature, they just sign it themselves!

Can you imagine how good they'd be with knowing a knife?

[MrsArthurShappey]

I've just sent this to my brother. He's...erm...connected

[RavenclawRealist]

I have concerns about how they would handle top secret info!! Top secret documents delivered to the wrong country left under the door mat I think it might be a security nightmare!

[sirlee66]

Oh another concern: Could we trust them to turn up in the event of a special dilivary mission? thinking about kfc

[londonmummy1966]

I've always wondered how they train them to run down a flight of steps so quickly. By the time I've got to the front door to answer the knock they've run down the front steps, out of the gate and are getting into the van.

[rowdywoman1]

MrsArthurShappey
Connected as in MI5? The SAS?
Waits to see OP disappear undercover ....

[Slightlyperturbedowlagain]

My greenhouse (tiny wood and plastic thing) signed for a parcel delivered by My Hermes just before Xmas. It clearly signed its name as ‘Greenhouse’. Maybe I should rent it out to the security services to teach other outhouses how to write? Think of the spying opportunities they could present?

[PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks]

I think it was Yodel who tried to deliver a tablet DS2 was product testing for MN to the upstairs flat. They took a photo of the door. I emailed EmmaMumsnet and eventually stuck a note on upstairs's door saying "PLEASE DELIVER DOWNSTAIRS. THANK YOU YOU PRICKS."

[Frequency]

The Yodel deliverers around here are the total opposite.

They've perfected banging on doors so loudly and aggressively, the whole street thinks there's a police raid

Don't ever, ever whisper a single complaint about it, Worra. Royal Mail used to knock so hard on my door the entire house shook and myself and both my neighbours would come to the door.

I asked, politely, if they could knock on the door like normal people do. They have never knocked since. I just get the cards through the door since telling me they've tried to deliver. I was actually sat in the living room once and watched them walk past the window. They did not knock on the door. I'd ask politely if they could start knocking again but I'm afraid they'll go back to attempting to smash through the front door with a strength that rivals The Hulk.

[HoneyDragon]

Right. They are now working in cohesion with Argos to place me under house arrest, I think they’re on to me.

I can’t go anywhere for four hours in case Yodel want to come back. But they might not come back and as they’ve not left a card they can’t say when they’ll be back. Ie Argos have to pay for and set up another collection.

[TooManyPaws]

I was waiting for an Amazon delivery yesterday so when the dogs started barking I went to the door only to see the van driving away. The parcel was found in one of the outhouses. 🤨 My car was in the drive, the gate was shut and the dogs were in so I was obviously in, seeing as the dogs weren't being walked and I hadn't taken the car away from our out in the boonies home.

So what part of spy/special forces training do Amazon cover?

[Jaxhog]

Hermes, though, are the masters of parcel hiding. Useful for concealing a hot information drop perhaps? They hid one parcel in our paper recycling bin, which fortunately we spotted. They hid another one around the back of our garage which we didn't find for more than 2 years. By then, we'd got a replacement from the supplier.

[SoupDragon]

Hermes managed to attempt delivery of a parcel twice when I was in all day both times and the parcel wasn’t even in their car (they admitted this on the third attempt. Apparently there wasn’t room).

[JennyOnAPlate]

Hermes are absolutely the masters of parcel hiding. We had a parcel hidden under dh's car, right in front of the back wheel. You can guess what happened next.

[WorraLiberty]

Good advice Frequency. I'll keep it buttoned

[falsepriest]

Yodel truly are the homeopathy of delivery companies.

[PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks]

😂