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Comments on being an "older" mum

(294 Posts)
Moominfan Sat 10-Mar-18 12:38:54

It's news to me that at 30 I'm considered an older mum. Would love to have started younger but I was giant 20 something selfish mess. Got house plants they survived, partner and a dog. Generally got my shit together late 20s. Would love a second but nows not the time. Due to finish a degree and want to do a masters that will mean I no longer have to do low paid jobs. At baby group someone commented they don't want to be in their 40s going to school picks ups they couldn't think of anything worse. Can't see myself having another for a few years taking me to mid 30s for next one. Is it really that old? I could squeeze another in now and start a masters next year but I'm selfish and I'm enjoying getting my life and relationship on track with just one child in tow. They sleep through and I never struggle with a baby sitter. To have a second I'd be spreading myself thinly and I don't think I'd enjoy motherhood that much. Anyway just ranting more than anything. Any "older" mum's put their two pence in?

ScarfAndGlassesgirl Sat 10-Mar-18 12:43:33

It probably depends on the demographic of your area and who you are socialising with but becoming even a first time mum in 30s or even 40s isn't unusual these days at all!!!
A baby in your 30s is not old

Ultimately it's personal preference though. For some people having kids 'done and dusted' before 30 is ideal and for others enjoying their 20s and having kids 30+ suits
It's so personal only the individuals involved can decide

PinkAvocado Sat 10-Mar-18 12:46:16

Amongst my friends and the people I’ve met, 30s isn’t old. Most didn’t have their first until early 30s.

ProseccoPoppy Sat 10-Mar-18 12:46:18

Take it baby group wasn’t NCT then grin I was 27 with DC1 and the youngest in the group by quite some margin! 30 isn’t old, I’m having baby 2 at 30 but most of my uni friends are nowhere near babies and are thinking more like 35+...

Onlyoldontheoutside Sat 10-Mar-18 12:48:30

I'm an older mum.The only downside is hitting the menopause as they hit peak hormones.
I think most people assumed I was younger than I was on the school run.
Only once has someone assumed I was DD's gran,DD thought it was hilarious,so did I.
So no ,yanbu,go for it when you are ready.You and your DC will be the better for it.

Fruitcocktail6 Sat 10-Mar-18 12:48:52

I work in a primary school and I would say the vast majority of parents are 40+, a significant number in their 50s and some dads in their 60s. I think it really does depend on the area.

Onlyoldontheoutside Sat 10-Mar-18 12:49:53

And now my DD is a teen I look no older than her friends mums.

StickStickStickStick Sat 10-Mar-18 12:51:36

It's so area dependent. I had first at a similar age and in one area I lived was definitely younger (professional middle class area) . I'm in a more w/c area now and definitely seen as an older mum. Most infant school parents are in 20s/early 30s having had them young. 20 isn't seen as young...

Lifeisabeach09 Sat 10-Mar-18 12:52:10

Definitely not an older mum!!!
On my school run, I'm one of the mid-ranged aged parents and I'm 38!
Sounds like you have your head totally screwed on regarding a second child so have another when you are good and ready.

BoyWithApple Sat 10-Mar-18 12:52:32

Well your baby group mum must have led a very privileged life if the worst thing she can think of in life is doing a school run in her 40s! Each to their own and all that - I was 35 when I had my son and didn’t feel especially old. The only thing I would say is that the older you get the more chance that you may experience difficulties conceiving - I have one child because a second just didn’t happen, and there was a relatively short window in which it could happen (compared to if I’d been in my 20s). I’m happy with one though so I wouldn’t change anything.

beepbeeprichie Sat 10-Mar-18 12:52:56

People couldn’t think of anything worse than doing a school pick up in their 40s?! hmm
Some women don’t meet their partners until after 30. I guess the person at the baby group thinks they would be better not bothering having children?
Most of the mums round here are 40ish with preschoolers.

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 10-Mar-18 12:53:39

OP I was 34 when I had my first and have recently had a second at the ripe old age of 45. shock I will be doing school pick ups into my 50s and will be older than some of the grans there.

I have no regrets. I loved only havingredients one child for so long. And now I love having a preteen and a baby. People sometimes say stupid stuff, don't let it influence how you make decisions about your life.

DiplomaticBag Sat 10-Mar-18 12:54:07

Yes, it depends on the demographic of your area. In general, the more prosperous your demographic, the more likely you are to delay children to your mid-thirties and forties. I was over thirty when I stopped studying, for instance. My midwife had clinics in two neighbouring but very different bits of north London. Depending on which one I went to, I was either roughly 20 years older than the other expectant women in the waiting room, or bang on average. I was 39. My NCT class met in the prosperous area, and I was the third youngest first time mother-to-be of eight.

Chienrouge Sat 10-Mar-18 12:54:23

I was 28 when I had DD1 and was by far the youngest of my NCT group!

15star Sat 10-Mar-18 12:55:13

I had my first at 25 and 2nd at 30. Don't feel like an older mum, lots of mums at the school with babies are a lot older. A lot of people don't start families until late 30s due to careers etc.

Justdontknow4321 Sat 10-Mar-18 12:56:10

Depends on the people around you I think.
I would personally call someone over 30 who has kids an older mum but that’s purely as I had my first an 21 and 2nd at 23. Been with there dad 10 yrs this month, own a house together, both work although mines part time... but I never set out to have my life like this.. it just happened that way..
plenty of my friends who are a few years older are only just starting to have kids and there early 30s..
I also have friends that have toddlers but none are as old as mine.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with either way of doing it.

blastomama Sat 10-Mar-18 12:56:53

Where can you be living that 30 is widely considered to be old for motherhood? The 1950's?

LloydColeandtheCoconuts Sat 10-Mar-18 12:59:01

First at 38, second at 41. This is not unusual in my ‘hood. Would have started earlier but DP needed a lot of convincing grin

StickStickStickStick Sat 10-Mar-18 13:00:27

Blast - I'm living in an average estate for my area. Mix of w/c and m/c but I'm definitely one of the older ones!!

BuzzKillington Sat 10-Mar-18 13:01:07

Very much depends on the demographic.

Where I live, around 30 is probably the average age for a first baby.

VladmirsPoutine Sat 10-Mar-18 13:01:19

This surely must be the area you live in and its demographics. I can't think of anyone that would consider a 30yo mum as an 'older' parent.

Idontbelieveinthemoon Sat 10-Mar-18 13:01:30

DS1 was born when I was 24 and DS2 just before my 30th Birthday. The HV after I'd had DS2 told me "Ooh good job you popped him out before you turned 30 or you'd have been considered an even higher risk being an older Mum". I think perhaps she'd had turps for breakfast because 30 isn't old at all.

In my group of friends most have finished having children by their mid-thirties, but at the NCT groups I was the youngest there both times. It depends very much on who you're around.

flumpybear Sat 10-Mar-18 13:01:47

I think ta demographics - where I live there are literally no parents below 30 - most people have been to university and worked prior to having kids so me having mine at 36 and 40 wasn't unusual - there are se younger parents but it's rare

LisaSimpsonsbff Sat 10-Mar-18 13:05:11

All being well with this pregnancy (I'm 21 weeks now) I'll be 31 when I give birth - and I feel very young! I only have a couple of friends who have had a baby, and only really one of my close friends, who had a baby a few months ago. I think it massively depends on the sorts of life choices you've made - we all have degrees (lots of us, including me, have postgraduate qualifications too), have the kinds of careers where you wanted time to progress, etc. - so we all saw getting pregnant in our 20s as pretty much a disaster (in fact, I do have a couple of friends who got pregnant in their early/mid-20s, just none that actually kept it and so had babies). Obviously other people's lives have very different shapes, and there's no objective measure to say what's 'better' or 'worse', it really is just 'different'.

WazFlimFlam Sat 10-Mar-18 13:07:31

Surely anyone who hadn't completed their family by 28 would be doing school pick ups 'in their 40s'? Pressuming you stopped picking them up when they started secondary school.

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