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To want to just go to bed and cry

(7 Posts)
Emerencealwayshopeful Fri 09-Mar-18 04:57:58

It’s been a pretty hideous 12 months for our family. Pockets of good but mostly awful. My health has been going downhill, I was in hospital for 5 weeks and am likely going to need a wheelchair for the foreseeable future.

My 4 children are all wonderful but no one could describe any of them as easy. We are 5 weeks into the school year and so far I’ve had meetings 3 times at the school as well as numerous emails and shorter conversations about how best to support both girlchild (8) and primo (11). But my lastborn has, despite being very tired, had a good start to formal schooling. He was at kinder on the same grounds last year, many of the children moved up with him, his teacher is the person who had my now 9 year old last year, and the transition process felt well managed. His teacher had spent time in the kinder rooms, the kids seem settled. Last night we received an email about the jolly phonics program and what to expect.

And at lunchtime (2 hours ago, I’m in Melbourne) we received an email from the principal to say that this teacher has resigned, and will be team teaching with the replacement (has been working at school part time as special ed support for some years but did teach prep many years back) for the remainder of the term and then that’s it. And they are telling the kids today, at the beginning of a 3 day weekend.

There’s been so much transition for this kid. First last year to full time kinder, then the teacher left, then I was in hospital and really sick, then I was home in a wheelchair and not driving, and then the huge transition into school and at the end of the very first 5 day week - they get Wednesday off for the first month- he’s told that the teacher he has built up a great relationship with is leaving.

Poor kid also suffers from youngest sibling syndrome. With primo’s anxiety and girlchild being autistic and dyslexic he has a less than calm home life.

And beyond being worried about my child I have to admit that whatever the circumstances are to this sudden announcement I can’t think of any version that doesn’t make my stomach turn. Either this teacher took on the job of teaching the youngest grade, spent hours visiting them at kinder before they moved up, built a relationship knowing that he probably wasn’t going to stay on, in which case I feel really let down by a teacher I really appreciated last year, who I was looking forward to working with this year with different son, or there is something nasty somewhere.

This is the last block in the barely stable Jenga tower that was me coping with life. It’s totally reasonable to just go to bed and cry, isn’t it?

KateGrey Fri 09-Mar-18 05:16:05

Can I cry with you? I have two children with special needs. My five year old woke me up at 3.30 this morning. Which means for the two hours they’ll have her at school she’ll be grumpy.

I spent last night crying on and off. Hopefully it’ll make you feel better.

LimonViola Fri 09-Mar-18 05:45:38

I think you're being a bit harsh on the teacher. People leave jobs all the time, she clearly did the best job she could while in the role. Would you prefer she'd half assed it in case she might move on someday?

See how he reacts. If you can model responding to it like it's an everyday event (which it is, people leave jobs) with a 'oh that's a shame I'm sure you'll miss her, I hope she really enjoys her new job!' he'll take his cue from you. But if you wail about it and fret and anticipate him being unable to handle it he may well respond in that manner.

Kids are resilient and you're clearly a good mum to spend so much time thinking about their needs and how to support them through transitions. It may seem a huge deal right now but life is full of change and it's not always a bad thing to realise and learn to adapt to that in your childhood.

LimonViola Fri 09-Mar-18 05:47:40

However YANBU to go to bed and cry for a bit if it'll help!

Is there anything else you can do to take a breather instead, or afterwards? Make yourself a cup of coffee and sit with a pen and paper and write down your top five priorities to focus on over the next week and how you're going to take steps towards them. That often helps me. Maybe read online about how to help children understand and cope with change.

It'd be nice for your son to write a thank you and good luck for the future letter to his teacher as part of the saying goodbye process. And I'm sure it'd mean a lot to her too.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 09-Mar-18 06:12:34

Emerance - while I have the utmost sympathy with you, I doubt that the teacher has had to resign mid-term for spurious reasons - it's probably something quite disruptive in his life that has forced that, and not necessarily something "nasty", as you've suggested. I also doubt that it was planned - mid-term moves aren't usually planned!

As for the rest, yes, managing your youngest's expectations is now going to be your hardest job (for him) because it's likely his schooldays will be quite disrupted in terms of who will be teaching him - but if you can get him round to the idea that he will have different teachers some days and that's Still Okay, it might help.

But yes, I think going to bed and crying might be cathartic for now!
Then maybe ask for a meeting with the school principal to discuss how they plan to help you with managing your son's expectations.

It will be ok, it just doesn't seem like it at the moment. thanks

Arapaima Fri 09-Mar-18 06:40:28

Oh OP you poor thing, can see that this feels like the last straw for you after such a difficult year. But honestly, this needn’t be a big deal for your youngest. I remember when my DD had three different teachers in her reception year for various reasons - and she hadn’t been great at settling in to begin with (lots of tears). It was fine, she’s fine and I’m sure your son will be too. It’s great that they’re doing a phased handover too, that will help with the transition.

Have a good cry and then put on your best positive face for your son.

Emerencealwayshopeful Fri 09-Mar-18 07:04:19

Thank you. I don’t know why but permission to cry is liberating.

Lastborn will be ok. It’s just that after the challenges of getting the older ones through prep - girlchild twice - I was unprepared to respond well to the news that this isn’t going to be a textbook easy year for him. School and education altogether has been a fight for us, and my hopes were pinned on him not only being average, but also having a non-challenging fyos.

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