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Off list wedding gifts

(217 Posts)
restofthetimes Thu 08-Mar-18 22:22:34

Been invited to a wedding where the gift list is basically- money please for our honeymoon. Couple already live together and don’t need any things.
Wibu to go off list and give them a nice hamper of v high quality consumables I know they like?
Dh and I had a traditional wedding list but people went off list and some of our nicest memories are random object and art works people thought we’d love (and do).
I didn’t mind at all, but when people put money and you then give a gift, they might be miffed....?

QueenCity Thu 08-Mar-18 22:26:36

Yes, you should give them whatever you think they would like. Wedding registries can be a useful guide as to gifts the couple might like, asking for money is just plain rude. I didn't have a registry and did not expect gifts but was very touched by, and grateful for, the ones we did receive.

Trinity66 Thu 08-Mar-18 22:26:41

Most people will give money so a few gifts are nice to have I think

LeighaJ Thu 08-Mar-18 22:29:23

That sounds nice and thoughtful.

McTufty Thu 08-Mar-18 22:29:45

Completely up to you what you give - a recipient of a gift has no right to complain about what they receive. Probably they would prefer cash given what they’ve said but I think your gift sounds lovely and hopefully they won’t be ungrateful enough to be anything other than pleased with it.

TheRebel Thu 08-Mar-18 22:48:38

I never give cash for wedding presents, traditionally wedding presents were to help the couple set up home, if they’ve already done that then I prefer to give them something to remind them of their wedding so I usually go with a silver photo frame (a plain design so it will fit in with most people’s decor) or nice quality bed linen, as people always need bed linen and it can be used for a long time. I can’t put my finger on why I don’t want to give cash, as I always give cash for birthdays but I think it’s because it just doesn’t fit the occasion.

coffeeX10 Thu 08-Mar-18 22:52:03

@TheRebel nice quality bed linen - id have LOVED this, excellent gift smile

Walkingdeadfangirl Thu 08-Mar-18 22:52:47

They need the money for their honeymoon. I would think they would rather have a honeymoon than a hamper. Just give them the money you were planning spending on a food hamper.

kubex Thu 08-Mar-18 23:09:22

I never understand why people don't just give the money! Its no different to asking for a toaster or a bloody gravy boat.

Who the fuck wants a hamper?!

bella2bella Thu 08-Mar-18 23:09:28

YANBU - I do similar and buy an actual gift when invited to weddings that ask for cash/vouchers. I'm not comfortable with it. I wouldn't want anyone to gift me something they weren't comfortable with!

OnlyFoolsnMothers Thu 08-Mar-18 23:13:12

They won’t prefer it but I never give cash and instead give a present, it’s a principal thing as I know they’d prefer my money! Smh

Happened Thu 08-Mar-18 23:16:17

We asked for money towards the Honeymoon (as family insisted on being given a gift list and we didn't need anything,) but some of the nicest presents we got were random thoughtful gifts. I think they will really appreciate it.

happymummy12345 Thu 08-Mar-18 23:18:55

Up to you. Personally I hate wedding registries, and hate the idea of asking for money even more. Hence we didn't ask for anything.

kubex Thu 08-Mar-18 23:19:28

Why are you not comfortable with giving someone cash or vouchers??

If you buy them a gift, they are still 'getting' your money.

I think buying someone a gift just to make a point of not giving cash is a bit of a dick move tbh!

iheartmichellemallon Thu 08-Mar-18 23:21:45

Totally agree with kubex.

tenbob Thu 08-Mar-18 23:24:10

Not everyone needs bed linen! We have more than we know what to do with, because DH and I both had lots before we moved in together
Plus it's quite a personal taste so lots of scope to get it very wrong

A hamper wouldn't be my idea of an ideal gift but if you know them well enough to get things they like, it isn't terrible.

Nearly all the off-list presents we got were in the charity shop or on eBay within a month of us getting back from our honeymoon. They were well-intentioned gifts but just not 'us', and I didn't want the additional clutter in the house

Raven88 Thu 08-Mar-18 23:30:18

I think going of list is fine and your gift idea sounds lovely. As a wedding gift I would of really loved it.

Walkingdeadfangirl Thu 08-Mar-18 23:34:25

The bride organises a great wedding day, usually a sit down meal and party afterwards that caters for everyone. In exchange they expect something useful in return, which is why they often say what they need as a list. In this case they need help with the honeymoon.

Would guests like it if they turned up and bride said there is a fish and chip shop down the road, order what you like I dont feel comfortable sorting out food for you?

Imagine the day after the wedding the groom said to bride, you know that honeymoon we were planning, well its cancelled because we cant afford it. Guests thought all we were worth was a gravy boat and bed linen.

TheRebel Thu 08-Mar-18 23:36:59

I think the thing is that a) all the weddings I’ve been to are people who are comfortable financially so don’t need gifts or cash and b) it’s a gift, not an entrance fee so if you don’t like it the that’s up to you but I do always put a gift receipt in and make a point of saying if you want to change it for something else then feel free, so if it’s really off base they can find something else in John Lewis that they do like.

IrregularCommentary Thu 08-Mar-18 23:44:14

Isn't the point of a gift to give something the recipient would like?

They've told you what they'd like, why get something else?

DoryNora Thu 08-Mar-18 23:47:46

100% agree with kubex, why bother giving a gift at all if you’re just doing it to spite them?
I don’t understand why people begrudge putting something towards a honeymoon which the couple would love and be able to make lasting memories, and would rather give them clutter for the mantelpiece that will be in the charity shop by Christmas.

TheRebel Thu 08-Mar-18 23:54:06

I think it’s one thing to offer cash as a gift but it’s quite different to ask for it. There’s always going to be a difference of opinion over this.

meandmytinfoilhat Thu 08-Mar-18 23:56:01

Sounds like a good gift.

Personally, I would give money.

LeMesmer Thu 08-Mar-18 23:58:40

I think it depends firstly on how well you know them, and secondly the type of gift. If you know them well enough to buy a gift that you know they will treasure and still be using 40 years later, then go for a gift. If it is something that you are giving just because you object to cash and will may (or maybe not) be gone in minutes then just my give then what they have asked for.

boomboom1234 Fri 09-Mar-18 00:00:27

I think you should give them money. It's what they really want. A hamper is a lovely thought but they may feel stressed about affording their honeymoon so may feel it was money they could have spent on an experience to treasure. I wouldn't ask for money but I would give money if that is what was asked for.

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