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To be really pissed off with my family

(92 Posts)
Familysucks4 Thu 08-Mar-18 17:18:57

It was my son’s birthday recently. He is teen, he has HFA. I only mention it as he has been having a really rough time with school, hormones, feeling quite down etc.

He got 2 birthday cards. 1 from me, the other from my next door neighbour. No card (or gifts) from his dad, Nan, 3 brothers (older not at home), grandad, my sister, my adult nephews, my best friend, no one. Not even a phone call or a text.

I always buy presents, cards for all of the above. I always visit my sister for example, take gifts, wine, card etc.

My son for example even buys his dad, Nan, brothers cards and little gifts out of his pocket money on their birthdays.

It’s upset me that no one has bothered or even realised they have forgotten. My son would have noticed, but is too polite to mention it. He has really low self esteem.

Would you say something? To everyone? Or just not bother being considerate when it comes to their birthdays anymore? Or rise above it?

It probably sounds a bit petty. The final straw was I visited my best friend today. It’s her birthday next week, she asked what we were doing for her birthday. I usually make her a cake, take wine, gifts, card etc. She knew it was my son’s birthday and didn’t even bother texting to wish him a happy birthday.

Justmuddlingalong Thu 08-Mar-18 17:25:35

I've had a cull this year. Sick of marking birthdays, anniversaries etc and not getting as much as a text in return. Don't bother your shirt, and if any of the cf comment, tell them why. YANBU.

sparklepops123 Thu 08-Mar-18 17:35:01

No I'd be fuming . My mil didn't bother acknowledging my sons birthday this year. I was looking online the other day to send her a bouquet for Mother's Day and thought no I'm not sending any!

MachineBee Thu 08-Mar-18 17:37:29

That’s rubbish OP. I’d be upset too. I would think twice now about sending anything more than just a card for those who forgot. Some might even just get a FB msg. wink

Icantstopeatinglol Thu 08-Mar-18 17:37:50

I’d be telling your friend you’ll be doing the same as she’s did for your sons birthday! How cheeky. It’s hard, id feel like screaming at them but in the other hand taking it as a sign to not bother for their birthdays either.

Namechangetempissue Thu 08-Mar-18 17:40:19

That's awful. I'm not one for making a huge deal of birthdays, but his own immediate family to competely ignore it? I would be furious -and telling them I was.

martellandginger Thu 08-Mar-18 17:40:35

I would kick all their arses in to touch. maybe not friends but family certainly. ask them if cards and gifts are no longer happening and see what their reaction is. To many people on here buy stuff for everyone's birthday with not so much as homemade card in return. At least you have a nice neighbour.

GeorgeTheHippo Thu 08-Mar-18 17:41:33

I'd say something. That's so sad for your poor son.

Familysucks4 Thu 08-Mar-18 17:47:46

My son got his Nan a Nan card and flowers on mothers day last year too. Father’s Day cards and gifts. My son is so considerate. I’m really pissed off that his dad and Nan haven’t bothered. His dad has only recently (last year) resumed contact, after not seeing ds for 5 years.

He knew it was ds’s birthday, as ds messaged him the week before. Takes 2 minuted to pop a card in the post angry

ChasedByBees Thu 08-Mar-18 17:48:26

I would make sure that family know he received two cards and one was from a neighbour. It is pretty useless. You don’t give to receive but he’s a child still and remembers them.

SnowOnTheSeine Thu 08-Mar-18 17:49:15

That is appalling !

I'd tell them how hurt you both are. Shame them

Familysucks4 Thu 08-Mar-18 17:54:44

I felt like crying for my ds. He has no friends. A visit from someone would have been nice. We had a birthday dinner in McDonalds, just ds and I

NotAllTimsWearCapes Thu 08-Mar-18 18:00:08

I’d be livid with your other sons. How could they ignore their brother’s Birthday? That’s horrible.

Ninoo25 Thu 08-Mar-18 18:00:31

That’s awful. YANBU. My MIL always buys a card and present for my eldest, but has never gotten so much as a card for my youngest. She is always invited to their birthday parties. She never comes, but she does know when it’s their birthdays because of the invite, so it’s not like she doesn’t know when my youngest’s Birthday is. For some reason it pees me off more than if she ignored both of their birthdays. Some people are so weird and rude 😡 She’s only little now so hasn’t noticed, but she will start noticing in the next couple of years and I think she’ll feel hard done to!

LaContessaDiPlump Thu 08-Mar-18 18:04:22

What a shower of bastards angry hugs for you and your DS op, I'm sure he is a lovely lad.

Lovestonap Thu 08-Mar-18 18:07:42

Yeah, I'd go public with how outraged I was. Normally I'm a bit 'rise above it' with stuff like this, but for your entire family to ignore his birthday? What message does that send to him? They could redeem it by giving/sending him something now before it's too late.

noenergy Thu 08-Mar-18 18:08:33

That's awful.

Maybe you should have reminded your sons or organised a special family dinner for him.

DavidPuddy Thu 08-Mar-18 18:10:26

It might have been petty mentioning something were it for your birthday, perhaps.

But I don't think bit would be the slightest bit petty bringing it up for your son's birthday. Sometimes people deserve to know when they have let us down and deserve to feel that shame.

They have done an awful thing, but it is you and your son carrying the full burden of it. Don't accept that; pass it back to them.

Familysucks4 Thu 08-Mar-18 18:12:26

Notall I don’t know where I went wrong with the other 3 (one is a half brother) 2 of them don’t bother with Christmas either, for me or ds. One of my older ds’s did visit at Christmas and got his brother a gift. Possibly too wrapped up with their own lives.

bushtailadventures Thu 08-Mar-18 18:12:33

What utter bastards!! I would have to say something, at least to his Dad and his brothers. I'd also not be bothering to remember anyone else's birthday this year, see how they like it.

That’s really shit of them all. I would say something even if it’s a group message to them all saying that you’ll no longer be doing gifts but a heads up that they had already stopped so you could have known would have been nice
bloody bastards!

Ninoo25 I would tell her that if she can’t treat the kids the same then don’t get the older one something if I were you!

GreatDuckCookery Thu 08-Mar-18 18:17:22

That's so awful. What's wrong with some people?

I think I would say something, yes. And I wouldn't bother buying them anything when it's their birthday either.

bettytaghetti Thu 08-Mar-18 18:21:09

Knowing what they are all like, did you not think to prompt them with a text to make sure they contacted your son? I know you shouldn't be their social secretary, but for your son's self-esteem perhaps you need to do this sort of thing.
I would say to your friend that you didn't think you were bothering with birthdays anymore since she hadn't said anything about DS's birthday.
YANBU though and they are all selfish twats.

NotAllTimsWearCapes Thu 08-Mar-18 18:22:20

In that case OP I would have a word with all 3 of them. Perhaps together. Sit down with them all and tell them how upset you and DS are that they all forgot his birthday and ask that they put it right and maybe they could take him for a birthday meal? I would also suggest you all start spending time together more often for special occasions. Obviously they have their own lives but they can take time out to acknowledge their mother and brother at Xmas and on birthday, Mother’s Day etc.

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