To not need so much grief? (car bump related)

[Kione]

I haven't written in ages but I need some venting/discussion/support/insight from the good ol' mumsnetters.

Yesterday I bumped a car whilst reversing in the school run. A tiny thing that marked a lot for the (non)speed I was doing. I left a note, my name number. The lady called me really angry last night, I said I was keen on sorting everything quickly, I'll pay whatever, I apologised, the rest. She said she'd be in touch.

This morning she is perched at the door for 20 minutes checking cars going past. I park take kids to school and meet her at my car, she is taking pictures, demanding my insurance details there and then and telling me I am not good at driving, all in anger. I say I have a Doctors appointment (true) and can't go in there and then, and then I work in the community so can't left my service users down so I'll be in touch. She left in a huff and I am in tears at the way she spoke to me.
I have done all the right things I can think of after an error that happens to most people all the time, I will call her today to arrange a meet but I want my husband with me.
Seriously, do I deserve so much grief towards me? At the end of the day, I am going to pay!

[KinkyAfro]

There's no reason to meet her, just swap insurance details. Did you take pics/have witnesses?

[icelolly99]

You should've exchanged insurance details during the phone call then no further discussion or contact needed.

[ShowOfHands]

You don't need to meet. Give her your insurance details and let them handle it.

[littlepeas]

Don’t meet her - just let insurance companies deal with it. She sounds horrible - I can never understand people who go through life being so angry all the time.

[Snowysky20009]

Just give her your insurance details and let them deal with it- that's why they are there. No need for you to meet her at all.

[Idontbelieveinthemoon]

You did what you were legally supposed to do; you gave her your insurance information, you admitted fault and you were apologetic. The fact that she's angry isn't about you; let her get on with it as you've no reason to feel bad. Her anger is her own to deal with. If you meet her you'll be shown more of it; refuse and let her be angry elsewhere.

[Aprilmightmemynewname]

Do not pay up for any damage!! I was bullied into handing over a cheque for £90 and she didn't have the bumper sorted. A magic sponge would have wiped the scuff off I kid you not. She was ranting about a hire car while hers when to the dealers etc! Paid up to shut her up but regretted it immediately.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

How bad was the damage? Sounds like quite a lot from her reaction. She sounds pretty irate though, I know it's not great but you could have drove off without leaving your name and number.

[Kione]

ah, see my husband and friend (that didn't witness but saw her car because it's her neighbour) say we shouldn't get insurance involved because it would only be around £200 and my insurance will go up a lot, it has been no claims until now. Because you unanimous reply I take this is not so reasonable to do and I should really go with the insurance?
Thing is my husband sorts that out and I didn't even know where to start, so I need him but he is at work right now. (so am I by the way but making phone calls for a service user)

[itstimeforanamechange]

As you say, insurance will go up but because she is being so aggressive (maybe she has an arse for a husband who she knows will give her grief, even though it wasn't her fault) it's probably better to use the insurance and take the emotion out of it all.

I know it's not great but you could have drove off without leaving your name and number

The OP had left a note the day before.

Even if the damage is quite a lot, it's only a flippin car! Why are people so precious about a bit of metal? It's bad for your blood pressure!

[Kione]

Yes, it is quite bad, but seriously the car must be so soft (a Honda Jazz)! I had two kids in my car and reversing from a drive so not fast at all! my sensors failed (not blaming them but for context) it is a large bump in her door, I have paint in my car.
Well they did just that to my mother in law, just drove away. And I told this lady I am doing everything I would like someone else to do for me.

[abigailsnan]

Just phone and give her your details and let the insurance deal with it,thats what you pay them for and don't get upset about it.
If she goes off on a tangent when you call her tell her you will talk to her when she can speak to you in a polite manner
At least you didn't drive off after the prang as some people would certainly do.

[SeeKnievelHitThe17thBus]

But she has no way of knowing that you'll pay other than you saying you will. Just give her your insurance details and say you'll go through insurance companies then she knows it's sorted otherwise you risk her finding the most expensive quote she can and making you pay and she risks you saying "I'm not paying that!" and washing your hands of it.

[Kione]

AnUtterIdiot this is what my friend said and I got a bit lost, I understand it now.

[WineIsTheAnswer]

Go through insurance else you'll forever be at her mercy. Tell her you are only dealing with the insurance companies now and any further contact you'll consider harrasment.

Some people get all righteous and forget accidents happen, that's who we have insurance.

Have you got pictures of her car? I would put it past her to inflate the damage caused.

[WineIsTheAnswer]

Also you can take comfort in knowing it will also hit her insurance premium too. I have a claim due to similar (but lots of damage) and mine went up even though the other side admitted fault and I had protected no claims

[TheClacksAreDown]

This is exactly what insurance is for. Give her he details and disengage. You need to tell them - apart from anything else you would be obligated to do so at renewal. Failure to do so may be material non disclosure.

Also though it is all very well thinking badly of her but it is about against PITA having your car damaged. She will also face a rise in her premiums even though not her fault.

[Kione]

I don't have pictures and she was taking pics of my other bumps!!! That really annoyed me and that is when she said I wasn't good at driving. See my insurance is huge already as I have a BMW (not flashy at all by the way!) and I am insured to carry service users.

[MrsOprah]

Even if you pay outside of the insurance, you still have to tell them it happened (so it might go up anyways). It's less hassle to just let insurance deal with it

[constantlyseekinghappiness]

Yes it sounds like the woman has gotten angry because you didn’t exchange details of your insurance with her.

Never a good idea to decide yourself not to go through insurance, can easily come across to someone else that you won’t pay for the damage.

Exchange insurance details and that will be the end of it.

[TuffTuff]

Hugs, @Kione - hope you're ok. Some people are just aggressive; or maybe there's something else going on and she took it out on you. You don't deserve any grief at all, you did all the right things and it was just an accident.

Give yourself a hug and let insurance deal with it.

[Kione]

Ok, just spoke to husband, I am exchanging details and that's it. I don't want to see her again. I am even using another access to the school!

[DragonsAndCakes]

On a slight tangent, your sensors failed? That’s rubbish. As in, poor you!