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In feeling that my friend is being a bit unfair here?

(421 Posts)
WilburIsSomePig Wed 07-Mar-18 20:01:02

I worked with someone until they left my current employer last year. We became really good friends while we worked together and I was gutted when she left, but she felt it was a good move for her. We still each other a couple of times a month and chat/message every couple of days.

The company I work for is closing down in June and I, along with everyone else, am being made redundant. I've started looking for alternative employment as my redundancy won't be much and my role is not particularly common so I feel I need to get looking asap.

I told my friend about a job that another friend told me about at a great company and that I've applied for it, I have an interview on Friday. It's perfect for me, close to home, quite a bit more money and a similar role that I'm doing now - friend agreed that it sounds right up my street and to let her know how I get on. Another colleague at work that she also keeps in touch with told me today that my friend is really unhappy in her job (she's never said anything to me, she tells me it's going great) and that she's applied for the job I told her about. Now, I know that I have no 'right' to stop her applying and I never would, but I just wish she'd have told me. She knows I need another job as I'm losing mine soon. I feel a bit let down.

toolonglurking Wed 07-Mar-18 20:05:32

I'm sorry to say you aren't entitled to the new job any more than your friend is.

RebootYourEngine Wed 07-Mar-18 20:08:05

I doubt it will be just the two of you interviewing for the job. She could have mentioned it to you but she didnt have to.

WilburIsSomePig Wed 07-Mar-18 20:08:33

Now, I know that I have no 'right' to stop her applying and I never would, but I just wish she'd have told me.

@toolonglurking - I said that myself, above. I absolutely know I don't. I really wish, as I said above, she'd have at least told me. I spoke to her last night and she didn't mention it. Though, I guess she doesn't need to really, I do feel a bit hurt though.

fuzzywuzzy Wed 07-Mar-18 20:09:06

She obviously feels she’s being unfair to you which is why she hasn’t told you. I’d be a bit wary of the friend in future.

Good luck with the interview, the company clearly feel you tick the boxes to have got to interview stage. Hope you get it.

JonnyUtah Wed 07-Mar-18 20:09:19

That's shady, especially as she hasn't told you either. Yes I realise no one owns a job application but it's still sly.

buckeejit Wed 07-Mar-18 20:11:40

Agree it's shady-I'd be asking her about it. Was it before or after you told her about it? Maybe she was keeping her cards close to her chest? Either way I wouldn't rely on her for much from here

inkandstone Wed 07-Mar-18 20:12:41

Is there the tiniest chance that she might have applied for the job before you did, but kept quiet about it? Just giving her the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, it is a pretty shifty thing to do.

WilburIsSomePig Wed 07-Mar-18 20:12:57

The job wasn't advertised, my other friend contacted me to tell me about it as she thought it would suit me. The friend who I used to work with contacted them after I told her about it and asked if she could send in her details. She hasn't been asked for interview yet so we'll see I guess.

Rosamund1 Wed 07-Mar-18 20:13:21


greendale17 Wed 07-Mar-18 20:15:18

*That's shady, especially as she hasn't told you either. Yes I realise no one owns a job application but it's still sly.*

^This. From now on I wouldn’t trust her.

mimibunz Wed 07-Mar-18 20:16:01

That’s pretty shady. She doesn’t sound like a trustworthy person.

Storminateapot Wed 07-Mar-18 20:16:24

Yeah I'd say that's shady. She has every 'right' but some things you don't do. I think she values the friendship less than you do.

CatsCatsCats11 Wed 07-Mar-18 20:16:39

That's really sly, I'd struggle to not say anything to her.

MistyMinge Wed 07-Mar-18 20:16:51

I'd find it hard not to be pissed off too. I don't yabu to feel the way you do. She should have talked it over with you.

MrsElvis Wed 07-Mar-18 20:17:15

Definitely dodgy. She's not told you for a Reason. Phase her out. She would step on your head to escape a sinking ship

Gemini69 Wed 07-Mar-18 20:17:34

Shitty behaviour OP.. and not a friend atall flowers

GrannyGrissle Wed 07-Mar-18 20:19:39

She is a snidey fucker then isn't she? I hope you get it just to stick the rods up at the cheeky cow. Not much of a friendship if she hasn't said she hates work etc (unless other friend is making up stories?).

WilburIsSomePig Wed 07-Mar-18 20:19:46

She has every 'right' but some things you don't do.

This is exactly how I feel.

If the job had been advertised and we had both gone for it I would feel differently, but I'm quite surprised that she's contacted them.

troodiedoo Wed 07-Mar-18 20:20:14

She's a snake. Always best to be vague about jobs you've applied for.

Saying that, I don't blame her. All bets are off when it comes to the brutal task of job hunting.

Tistheseason17 Wed 07-Mar-18 20:21:40

I'd be hoping she doesn't get an interview and I wouldn't tell her anything that is important to you, again

Deshasafraisy Wed 07-Mar-18 20:21:42

You thought she was a friend, she see’s you as a work colleague.

KeepServingTheDrinks Wed 07-Mar-18 20:22:07

sneaky and underhand of her. She wasn't wrong to apply if she wasn't happy, but her way of going about it was definitely nasty.

I hope you get the role. Or if you don't, that something better (or at least adequate) comes along for you.

And either way, be careful about what you share with her from now on.

IF she gets the role and you don't, I think it'll be hard for you to maintain the friendship. It would for me.

NSEA Wed 07-Mar-18 20:24:41

If the job was a guy you were interested in everyone would be saying she’s out of order.

It’s poor form. She should be ashamed and if she does get the job, what does this mean for tour friendship? I think she’s not thought it through. Is it possible she doesn’t realise she’s applied for the same job?

PoorYorick Wed 07-Mar-18 20:25:28

I guess since it wasn't advertised and she only heard about it through you, that changes how I feel about it. Although arguably she's only doing what you did, and applying when she heard about it.

Of course neither of you have any right to it, as you acknowledge.

I'm not surprised she didn't tell you though. Since you already have an interview, you're at an advantage. She probably thought it was worth trying since she's unhappy in her work, in all likelihood she wouldn't get it and you'd never know and no harm done.

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