How to approach next door neighbours? Do I bother?(26 Posts)
This is going to sound really stupid but we’ve lived in our house for two and a half months and have never got so much as a smile from the next door neighbour - in fact it feels like she actively avoids us! We moved in not long before Christmas and everything was really busy so I didn’t go round personally and introduce myself to everyone but did pop Christmas cards through the letterboxes and make an effort to say hello in the street so it’s not like we’ve been rude or anything, I don’t think? She just seems to completely blank me if I see her in the street and actually seems to avoid leaving the house at the same time as me.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not expecting a blossoming friendship or anything, I had just thought I might have had a hello by now. I actually had hoped I might be able to offer her teenage daughter some cash in exchange for a bit of pet sitting when we go away in the summer (just feeding rabbits and chickens, nothing difficult) but I don’t know how to approach them!
What do you mean she blanks you? Did you go up to her and introduce yourself?
Some people just really aren't neighbourly at all. My husband tends to duck out the way of the neighbours whereas I'll happily talk their ears off for an hour. I'd go and introduce yourself if it's bothering you but might be a bit odd after two and half months.
It's normal where I live. None of the neighbours ever say hello to me nor did anyone come round to say hello when I moved in, either time I've moved that's never happened. I don't speak to any of my neighbours nor have I ever seen any of them talking to each other. I'm sure it's not personal op! Some people just aren't neighbourly and I think it's weird it's bothering you so much, you don't have to speak to your neighbours.
And would you really want your neighbours having a key to your house that your not friends with? Even my sister when she goes away doesn't give her neighbour (who she gets on with) a key. (Don't you have any family or friends you could ask?)
I avoid my neighbours.
It's one of the benefits of the house we have now that there's no need to encounter them at all.
I talk to people I know through work, clubs, school etc. but I don't want to be stuck with talking to people who live right on my doorstep.
Yeah see I live in a friendly place and have very friendly neighbours- anyone on the street that sees you more than twice will happily stop for a chat/ offer tools/ help. But I recognise this isn’t the norm. Where I moved from (a few miles away) you didn’t acknowledge your neighbours unless spoken to even sharing the same walk home.
I wouldn’t really want new ndns feeding pets etc, so I’d go down the formal route of looking up a company to do that. But maybe go knock and say along the lines of hi, we moved in to number x in dec and still haven’t met, I’m x.
If they don’t want to know, fine, but you’ve tried. Not everyone is as friendly unfortunately!
She sounds like she’s not overly outgoing/social anxiety perhaps? Wouldn’t say she’s rude at all. I’m currently not talking to one of my neighbours because I waved once and he didn’t acknowledge it so now rather than potentially be ignored again I’ll just look in other directions/wait to go out ect. I know I’m being silly but it’s something I struggle with. Don’t take it personally OP!
She just happens to live next door to you. She doesn't owe you a smile, wave pet sitting or anything really.
There could be a hundred reasons why she blanks you OP. If you see and actually go and say hello I'm Didntcome your new neighbour and she still blanks you then you have a good inclination that it's because she's not friendly or you've inadvertently pissed her off.
Sounds like she is agoraphobic.
Don't take it personally.
Some people don't mean to come across as rude but just genuinely struggle socially.
I live on a really social street - everyone knows everyone and you can't get from the front door to the car without someone waving or saying hello. I like it.
When I had to re-fill the windscreen washer in my car recently, the guy warming his car next to me offered to help, hold the washer for me while I did my bonnet etc, and offered me some de-icer if I didn't have any to hand.
But maybe she's just not very sociable. Not everyone is, and you're not obliged to talk to the neighbours - I never spoke to the couple next door who had screaming rows!
hotcross are we neighbours? Sounds like the kind of thing that happens here. Kind of a village community feeling on our street.
I doubt she's agoraphobic or has anxiety otherwise every neighbour on my street has it. Maybe she just doesn't want to talk. It's possible not everyone's friendly doesn't mean there's a medical reason behind it. Still can't understand why you would want to give someone you've never spoken to a key to your house?
Just leave it. Keep smiling and saying hello but don't take it personally - get on with your own life and don't give it another thought.
She is allowed not to socialise with neighbours and if it's anything other than a bit of an anti-social nature you are genuinely better off not getting into it.
Maybe the previous occupants of your house got on her nerves and now she prefers to keep herself to herself.
Our neighbour oposite has been like that for more than three YEARS! We have only spoken once, soon after she arrived. Now, she won't even acknowledge us if we met in the street. I say "hello", and she buries her face in her hoodie, looks straight ahead and completely blanks us.
I try to maintain a healthy distance from my neighbours as much as possible, I hate polite chit chat and frankly, my business is none of their business, it feels intrusive and this is my space where other people have no right to intrude. Also if you do befriend a neighbour and they turn out to be a nutter, you are stuck living next door to them. I think you should respect her boundaries.
I don’t anyone who doesn’t speak to their neighbours.
She obviously doesn’t want to engage so just let them be
I talk to people I know through work, clubs, school etc. but I don't want to be stuck with talking to people who live right on my doorstep
What a strange warped way of thinking.
I would just leave it. I agree it's nice to be on friendly terms with your neighbours, but some people prefer to keep to themselves for whatever reason, which is fine too.
There must be some other way you can find a pet-sitter; it's not their responsibility just because they happen to live next door.
Re: pet sitting - we live quite rurally, so it’s a bit of a drive for anyone to be coming twice per day to let chickens in and out. Will obviously pay a company if we need to and they wouldn’t actually have to come into the house as we can move rabbits into the summer house if necessary. We have other neighbours who are friendly so I could ask one of them, I just thought the teenage daughter might appreciate the cash a bit more.
When I say she’s blanked me, I mean she doesn’t smile back or acknowledge a hello, just walks straight past to get in her car. It’s not a huge issue, I was sort of wondering if I’d made some kind of horrible faux pas!
I think you need to be sure that she is in fact blanking you. She may think that you are blanking her.
It's nice to be friendly with neighbours. And can be very useful too. Not very long after we moved, I had to pick my teenagers up from an activity that finished at 10pm 20 miles away. I was late leaving the house, and then found that the car would not start. The next door neighbour drove me the 20 miles and back to pick up the children. The next morning he did his best to jump start the car. The neighbours also of their own initiative invited us to keep our bins on their property, because the lay-out of the properties makes that more convenient for us, and it doesn't make much odds to them.
Sorry OP, cross post. If she is definitely blanking you like that, that's really uncomfortable, especially in a small community. Can you ask the other neighbours, tactfully, how she behaves towards them? If she is friendly towards them, I would try to speak to her about it. Ore
Sorry, I was going to say that another option would be to invite all the neighbours round for something, and invite her too.
I’ve been put off my neighbors, they often smell of booze at strange times of the day, they lie a lot and make me feel depressed and drained. I probably won’t be over friendly when I move, I’ll only hang with people I meet through mutual interests now. Your “rude” may have just been burned too many times, keep being nice and they may turn.
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