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Unwanted, self invited, house guest. How to refuse?

(115 Posts)
LaceandChintz Mon 05-Mar-18 20:41:36

The AIBU is is it mean of me to say no to this.?
My cousin has been invited to a party nearish my home town (about 200 miles from his home). He has asked if he and his wife can stay with us. Normally I’d say yes and enjoy a rare catch-up. However this weekend coincides with a very rare, and I mean first time in several years, that dh and I will have the weekend to ourselves. No kids (woohoo!), no work (yay!). He asked a while ago and I said really sorry, explained that we had plans as kids all away etc, really sorry.
He’s now asked again, thinking by plans we mean we are away and asking if they can stay in our house and bring own breakfast etc.. as hotels are expensive, completely missing the point. We aren’t going anywhere. We might stay in, but might go to a grown-up restaurant or a late film. We don’t want to be waiting for house guests to come in (the party is some distance from here, about an hour by public transport so they could be really late).We don’t want to have to get up to host breakfast. We might not want to get up at all.
We have a busy family and working life and I love it. But I am so looking forward to this weekend.
Am I being unreasonable not letting them stay? And if not, how do I spell it out to them?
Thanks for your help.

QuestionableMouse Mon 05-Mar-18 20:42:55

Just keep saying no and that you have plans. Repeat as needed.

anothersuitcase Mon 05-Mar-18 20:44:54

Spell it out like you did in the op. It's perfectly reasonable! They will just have to fork out for a hotel.

FlaviaAlbia Mon 05-Mar-18 20:45:17

"I'm afraid not, I hope you find somewhere that suits"

Rinse and repeat...

NoSquirrels Mon 05-Mar-18 20:46:04

You just need to say - I’m really sorry, cousin, but DH and I have plans together with the house to ourselves, completely alone. Any other weekend of the year you’d be welcome, but we’re definitely closed to visitors that weekend. Sorry not sorry.

negomi90 Mon 05-Mar-18 20:46:22

No I'm sorry that weekend doesn't work for us. We'd love to see you (on date convenient to you) and repeat as needed.
You could also offer a favourite hotel to be extra helpful.

You absolutely should not let them stay.

Nocabbageinmyeye Mon 05-Mar-18 20:46:23

You could say you have plans with other friends who are staying or you could be honest and something like "oh no you have misunderstood, we aren't away but have plans and visitors that weekend just doesn't suit, another time definitely but not this weekend, enjoy the party"

Fletchasaurus Mon 05-Mar-18 20:46:31

Exactly like you have just written it down. I'm so sorry that isn't possible.. ...

Rosamund1 Mon 05-Mar-18 20:46:34


FittonTower Mon 05-Mar-18 20:47:35

Tell em you aren't going anywhere but plan to be swinging naked from the chandeliers and they might find it awkard.

bluebells1 Mon 05-Mar-18 20:47:47

I am sorry dear cousin, it doesn't work for us. Hope you enjoy the party.

FluffyWuffy100 Mon 05-Mar-18 20:48:02

Just be clear - "sorry cuz - we have a rare night WITHOUT THE KIDS - you know! We really don't want guests - we have plans just the two of us and our empty house!!! Any other weekend woudl have been lovely to see you but not on our long awaited romantic shenanigan weekend"

PaperdollCartoon Mon 05-Mar-18 20:48:16

Just keep saying sorry we have plans. You can even say ‘we have plans in the house so can’t have guests’ if you like. Say you’d love to see them another time but this week it’s just not possible for them to stay. If you’re still an hour from the party they’d be MUCH better off staying nearer there anyway.

TheMasterNotMargarita Mon 05-Mar-18 20:48:40

"I think you may have misunderstood. We and our house are not available to you on X weekend, you will have to make your own arrangements. Hope you have a lovely time."

TheMasterNotMargarita Mon 05-Mar-18 20:48:56

Oh and Yanbu.

sirlee66 Mon 05-Mar-18 20:49:05

Sorry cousin, as I explained before we have plans as the kids are away. However, we would love you to come and visit another time! We are free pretty much any other weekend this year so let us know!!

Andbabymakesthree Mon 05-Mar-18 20:50:14

Just keep repeating no not on this occasion

Thistlebelle Mon 05-Mar-18 20:51:08

Just say “I’m very sorry, unfortunately that’s not possible that weekend”.

If he has a modicum of social grace he should stop asking.

ArnoldBee Mon 05-Mar-18 20:51:34

We're going to have lots of noisy kinky sex all over the house and going to start experimenting with sploshing so will not be available for your hangover.

WhatKatyDidnt Mon 05-Mar-18 20:52:30

Send an AirBnb link.

LemonSqueezy0 Mon 05-Mar-18 20:53:20

Be firm but polite. He's asked a question, you've said no. The issue is that he's asked again... Text back that you aren't having visitors over and enjoy the party.

Before you know it they'll be asking you to collect them as it's just so far on public transport, the next day they won't get up until lunchtime as they'll be hungover and you'll be on tiptoes in your own house for hours, before they finally start demanding a full cooked breakfast.... Nip it in the bud ASAP and protect your child free time!

Labradoodliedoodoo Mon 05-Mar-18 20:53:35

Tell him you and DH are having a romantic weekend as no kids and you’re very sorry as any other time would have been fine but you need to grab the opportunity while you can

MrsMozart Mon 05-Mar-18 20:55:10

Keep saying no. You've already made plans.

BrutusMcDogface Mon 05-Mar-18 20:55:30

Dare I google "sploshing"?!

I agree with all the pps. Just say no!

LaceandChintz Mon 05-Mar-18 20:56:44

Thank you all sooo soooo much. Besides reinforcing that IANBU, you have made me laugh.. Maybe he and his misses don’t ever want a weekend alone! It’s so much harder with teenagers than toddlers 😃.
I’ve found a Premier Inn near where the party is that’s only £50ish for the night so I think I’ll send him the details. It’ll be a dam sight comfier than bedding down in 2 smelly teenage boys rooms (see I’d have to change sheets and tidy them as we have no spare room, another job I don’t want on a WEEKEND OFF grin)

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