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Childbirth - Anyone NEVER doing it again? *Title Edited by MNHQ*

(324 Posts)
cheshiremama89 Sat 03-Mar-18 00:07:26

Childbirth that is...

Had DS a month ago tomorrow and the labour was the most horrendous experience I've ever been through.

Even my mum who has had 5 children described it as traumatic.

After a horrible birth, 4 days in hospital and a tough first month of self injecting, iron tabs, antibiotics, compression stockings and constipation I can quite safely say that I won't be doing it again.

Fave program used to be One Born Every Minute, now I can't bear the thought of it.

Thinking about the experience makes me very emotional and I'm looking forward to it being a distant memory.

Has anyone else felt the same? Gotten over it? Done it again?!?'

yorkibar Thu 15-Mar-18 21:20:48

I had a horrendous birth with my DD, everyone said I would get over it and have another, 12 years later there is still no way I am ever doing that again! Got one healthy child and I'm happy with that

SparkleTea Thu 15-Mar-18 14:20:03

I know exactly what you mean. I've just started counselling as I cannot seem to stop thinking how horrendous it was!

HelaRy Thu 15-Mar-18 14:13:43

I am currently doing some research on birth experience memories, their relationship to trauma. I posted it on Mumsnet some time ago, in the research corner. I am still looking for new mums, if you would like to get in touch please email me on w1531309@my.westminster.ac.uk , it is an email questionnaire, not time consuming.

RidingMyBike Thu 08-Mar-18 08:08:04

DD now 27 months and I still have no interest in having another. Her birth was awful but I was prepared for it to be awful (read a lot during pregnancy) and was just grateful we both survived the experience. What really did for me was the shocking aftercare on postnatal (we were in for 3 nights after birth, then readmitted because of feeding problems) and my milk not coming in which meant DD nearly starved to death. Neither of those things I was prepared for. And those are what gave me PND.

I’d consider doing it again if:
- guaranteed an elcs
- wouldn’t go to a hospital signed up to the Baby Friendly Initiative
- would buy in help after the birth as it was such a struggle with no family support

It is worth requesting to go through your birth notes - I had a debrief after complaining to the Chief Midwife about the appalling care. I found it quite helpful although my notes had been digitised and the Midwife struggled to work the tablet with them on and we had to go through them out of order as they’d been digitised the wrong way. It was a bit odd going through the birth again but in a different order!

Ippydippyskyblue Tue 06-Mar-18 08:03:06

And if DH comes anywhere near me with the hope of having a second, I’ll be crushing his bits with two bricks. Even then, he’ll only suffer a fraction of the pain that I did.

Ippydippyskyblue Tue 06-Mar-18 07:45:54

No. Never. Not in a million years.

Agerbilatemycardigan Tue 06-Mar-18 07:14:12

Had such an awful time with my first birth that it took me 11 years to pluck up the courage to have another child.

CosyLulu Tue 06-Mar-18 05:07:18

*hyperemesis

CosyLulu Tue 06-Mar-18 05:06:29

I had a dreadful pregnancy with hyperemeais and basically vomited constantly for 9 months, in and out of hospital on a drip, could barely keep water down. The birth was grim as welk. Dd now 15 and I never ever changed my mind about not going through that again.

TillyMint81 Tue 06-Mar-18 00:14:33

Ive got three children and won't be having anymore. I had two tough labours after inductions but my third was a planned homebirth.
It was actually great. I had more control over it all which I think helped massively. Being at home helped keep me calm and relaxed and helped me labour better.
I think everyone has hugely different experiences and if we were supported better throughout it would help us deal with the aftermath better.

Barbara1956 Mon 05-Mar-18 23:10:10

God, this thread makes me bloody furious because nothing seems to have changed in the 31 years since I had my first birth experience...emergency cs after which the mw called me a silly cow for not agreeing induction at 41weeks...if I had we would have both died as I have a narrow pelvis but I didn't find that out until I was pregnant with Dd 10 months later and my new GP read the hospital report.I was terrified of giving birth and the lack of aftercare. He suggested a termination as I had ptsd and pnd..but I was able to go to a different hospital and I hoped the second would be better. I was talking to the mw at the 36 week check and I looked over to see 'for cs only' in red in the notes.I pointed that out ,she hadnt noticed, phoned the unit and booked me in for delivery at 38 weeks , I was so relieved was an understatement.The birth was calm but again the aftercare was shockingly bad ,nurses assuming that I could walk when I couldnt ,the ward was filthy and the toilets were bloody messes. Both my children were over 10lbs born.
I was determined never to get pregnant again.
It took me months to live my babies and regret that the most.

B

squeekums Mon 05-Mar-18 22:36:55

*MiaowTheCat I think if it's a straightforward birth you can forget when you've got the baby*
Not here
The thought of pregnancy and birth again leaves me with cold sweats and looking to swallow a whole box of contraception

mirime Mon 05-Mar-18 20:16:47

@MiaowTheCat

I think your right about the forgetting.

If you rate your pain as high before pain relief is given and if you and your baby go off in different directions after the birth you are less likely to forget.

I had both. Extreme pain before the epidural and DS was taken off to SCBU. I've not forgotten a damn thing and can replay it all.

Definitely didn't have any sort of euphoria afterwards. Just felt stunned. And very flat and empty.

Elephant17 Mon 05-Mar-18 19:37:04

The only way I will have another is by elcs. Even then, I know I would spend the entire pregnancy absolutely terrified that I'd go into labour early and have to go through labour again.

A part of me died that day, I don't think I'll ever be the same again. I still cry myself to sleep thinking about it.

I feel really lonely and sad and a feeling of loss when I realise I may never have another baby.

Have found this thread quite cathartic. Thank you op. flowers hope you manage to find some closure/peace of mind over your traumatic experience in time.

meandmytinfoilhat Mon 05-Mar-18 18:36:27

It's been over 6 years since my son was born. That's how bad I found it. Tentatively trying for baby number 2 but I'm terrified.

Fuckoffee Mon 05-Mar-18 18:25:44

My first birth was awful. So very long and painful. I delivered naturally but tore so badly I had to have an epidural AFTER the birth to be sewn up. Ffs, it still makes me want to cry. Bits blown to smithereens.

I swore I was only having the one. And then time did it’s thing and a few years later I had another baby.

For what it’s worth, my second labour was a breeze. The first had obviously carved a nice pathway and exit in my insides and he just popped out after a few hours grin

YouCantGetHereFromThere Mon 05-Mar-18 18:21:13

I'm reading this thinking how amazing women are. We go through these awful experiences for our children. Many of us take the risk of doing it again.

I know this isn't very Mumsnetty, but you're all amazing.

gussyfinknottle Mon 05-Mar-18 18:19:28

Birthplan?! Ha! I was told our place never bothered with them so no point doing it. Dangerous shit heap, as I said previously.

Vicksykate Mon 05-Mar-18 18:17:32

I literally could have written that post. We went through a long old process to get our baby, and I really loved being pregnant. I had my Birth Centre delivery planned to the letter... we were going to have a water birth, with soothing music and dimmed lights... My little girl is five and a half weeks old, and the birth was horrific, induction at 42 weeks and ended in an emergency c-section. I was discharged less than 24 hours later, then readmitted via ambulance with sepsis and severe water retention 10 hours later (I was carrying 12kg of extra fluid in my legs alone). Am having to visit the tissue viability clinic every few days to have my stomach packed and dressed, after the doctor re-opened my wound two weeks ago, in an attempt to “help it drain” and it now refuses to heal.

My husband said the other day that he can’t wait for me to be pregnant again, when she’s a bit older. I just looked at him. The thought of it horrified me.

MiaowTheCat Mon 05-Mar-18 17:39:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anxiousmumtobe33 Mon 05-Mar-18 17:13:35

V v similar situation to me Dinosaur, and I'm 25 weeks too. Petrified of going into labour before ELCS.

Dinosauratemydaffodils Mon 05-Mar-18 17:07:58

After ds was born (long labour, augmented, back to back, failed forceps, emcs, postnatal psychosis, postnatal depression and flashbacks to a previous traumatic event) not only I was never having any more children, I was going to stick a fork in dh's testicles if he ever suggested sex again.

I'm 25 weeks pregnant. At points I wish I'd gone for the fork option and I'm slightly terrified about getting them out of me but it's too late now and hopefully I'll keep a grip of my sanity this time.

ThePants999 Mon 05-Mar-18 17:05:03

Hurrah for MNHQ fixing the clickbait title.

LostMyBaubles Mon 05-Mar-18 16:59:50

Your pregnancy sounds like the ones I have.
Self injecting daily, stockings, iron meds and then ending up im a+e due to allergic reaction to tje bloody iron drip etc

My first 2 births were horrendous.
With first midwife didnt give a fuck and was sat at the desk eating chocolate(while i needed to push) . I was supposed to be induced and before it happened I was in hosp a few days and was told I will make sure you dont go down first by mw
Ended up having emergency surgery to correct all the damage.

2nd delivery at diff hosp I had huge bleed 2.5L at delivery.
Ended up in HDU needed blood transfusions and antibitotcs as ended up with infection etc
This was no1s fault. My womb doesnt contract so I bleed and they didn't know but handled it amazingly.

3rd birth
Same hosp as 2nd. They were fantastic and prepared so did things to minimise bleeding and lost 1-1.5L of blood which was loads better.
Didnt tear with 2nd or 3rd.

Currently pregnant with 4th and looking forward to birth as at the same hosp and they will have everything under
control.
Each pregnancy is diff.
Never had sickness before and have HG this time.
Each delivery is diff too.

I did do lots of online counselling after the 1st birth that helped a lot

Anatidae Mon 05-Mar-18 16:51:56

is there such a thing as pregnancy trauma?

Yes. And it responds well to treatment so please, if you can afford it, get some. Money well spent.

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