Talk

Advanced search

Childbirth - Anyone NEVER doing it again? *Title Edited by MNHQ*

(324 Posts)
cheshiremama89 Sat 03-Mar-18 00:07:26

Childbirth that is...

Had DS a month ago tomorrow and the labour was the most horrendous experience I've ever been through.

Even my mum who has had 5 children described it as traumatic.

After a horrible birth, 4 days in hospital and a tough first month of self injecting, iron tabs, antibiotics, compression stockings and constipation I can quite safely say that I won't be doing it again.

Fave program used to be One Born Every Minute, now I can't bear the thought of it.

Thinking about the experience makes me very emotional and I'm looking forward to it being a distant memory.

Has anyone else felt the same? Gotten over it? Done it again?!?'

everybodysang Sat 03-Mar-18 09:08:10

DD has just turned seven. I would rather die than go through childbirth/sick baby in NICU etc again. Though I don't have flashbacks any more so that's something.

We both nearly died, it was 72 hours of horror and incompetence from start to finish. I genuinely would kill myself if I got pregnant.

everybodysang Sat 03-Mar-18 09:09:00

Oh - and I have had counselling, debrief, apology from Trust etc. Still would rather die than do again.

ShowOfHands Sat 03-Mar-18 09:09:01

I agree with my first labour being the worst day (2 days!) of my life and my second was the best (3 days!) of my life. It was all down to the counselling.

ChikiTIKI Sat 03-Mar-18 09:10:49

I had a similar experience to you and 4 months on I have physically recovered but mentally I am in a right state. Been waiting months for medical notes and a debrief.

Try not to blame yourself. I originally would have thought that was stupid advice but a few weeks ago I had the sad realisation that I must be blaming myself. I find myself thinking "why didn't I tell them to stop" "why didn't I demand a c section" it's easy to say those things now but at the time I was very vulnerable and should have been able to rely on those around me to help me.

I know my husband wants another baby one day but I know he will put my wellbeing before that and is happy with what we currently have. I don't know if I could do it again even with an ELCS I feel like I could still find it very traumatic.

I'm sorry for what you've been through. I agree everyone gets told the risks of a c section if they want one but nobody tells you the risks of being induced before they do it... First time baby with induction and epidural, you're almost guaranteed ventouse, forceps or EMCS...

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Sat 03-Mar-18 09:10:52

I had two very quick labours & births-last one was 6 & half years ago & I haven't forgotten the pain-at all, certainly wouldn't fancy doing it again.

Headofthehive55 Sat 03-Mar-18 09:11:05

mrs I refused canulas too! It's interesting that the medics don't recognise that a CS can be psychologically traumatic too.

CigarsofthePharoahs Sat 03-Mar-18 09:11:22

I'm not putting myself through it again.
First pregnancy was easy, but delivery was a 39 hour slog resulting in a forceps birth. My cervix was resisting the idea the whole time.
Second pregnancy was awful. 20 weeks of nausea and sickness, neatly segwaying into SPD. Ended up needing an EMCS as my waters broke at 36 weeks and an induction failed. We were both very ill. Ds2 spent a day in special care and then we were both in hospital for a week being pumped with antibiotics.
The thought of being pregnant again makes me feel sick. It also took me nearly a year to let DH anywhere near me afterwards. Bless him, he was patient and kind to me.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag Sat 03-Mar-18 09:11:35

I had a tricky but not horrendous birth with dc1. It was more dangerous for dc1 than it was for me I think, as we had shoulder dystocia and she was born with very low APGAR score. We both fell seriously ill after birth with infections, but aside from that we both recovered well.

As a result of that and due to increased risk of having shoulder dystocia again, I had an ELCS with dc2 and it was wonderful.

I will say though, that pregnancy was hard this time, so I’m very tempted to say “never again”. Also, I never ever want to hear the words “let’s hand express some colostrum into a teaspoon” EVER again. That alone might actually put me off having another. Breastfeeding? Lovely! Pumping? Grand! Hand expressing and scraping a plastic spoon across my nipple? I really never want to do that again! Anyway, we don’t have room for any more babies. Unless we win the lottery and move into a bigger place, it probably won’t be happening.

So, yes. (Probably) never again!

mergrey Sat 03-Mar-18 09:13:20

Look into 'the positive birth company'

Cagliostro Sat 03-Mar-18 09:15:22

My third is my “never again” baby. Four days of induction at 37w because they reckoned she was too small (I had GD, well controlled with diet). Everything went wrong. All the pessaries didn’t work, it was outrageously painful getting them in (I used gas and air) as my cervix is in the wrong place. They broke my waters, but later on it transpired it hadn’t worked. The drip was on for about 20hrs, I was exhausted and had a hypo as well. I was begging for a section as nothing was happening, and I wasn’t allowed to move off the bed. They said no, not yet, have the epidural and we will ramp up the drip even more. So I had an epidural, absolute rubbish that it is just ‘pressure’ and doesn’t hurt. It hurt. An hour later they call the anaesthetist back because the epidural didn’t take, so we do it all over again. They increase the drip and within minutes I’m in transition and terrified, the actual pushing was only 10 minutes but I was an absolute screaming wreck by then, we had other midwives come in and I was panicking hugely, begging for forceps or anything at all, screaming that I couldn’t do it. I just feel so embarrassed at the state I was in. I refused one examination (at this point I was convinced I still wouldn’t be more than 1cm as I’d been that for 3 days, it just felt pointless) and then when I realised I needed to push I felt sort of told off for it, because maybe if they’d examined me then they would have seen I was finally dilating.

I had the expected hormonal crash after the birth, exacerbated by passing huge clots and having to inject myself (nobody had told me that). But I got through it. However on her due date I totally crashed again. I just kept thinking, how different could it have been if they hadn’t panicked. I can’t blame them though, I know I could have refused induction and all that, but I never would have. All the staff were amazing actually, but the policy of being strapped to the monitor was awful. I felt like such a failure at the time because nothing was working but they were very reassuring that actually my body was trying to keep baby in and safe. But it was honestly the worst four days of my life, and whenever I remember it I just feel like scrunching my eyes up so I can’t see it anymore, and pretending it didn’t happen. I was a paranoid wreck, I am autistic and being on the ward for so long and having all the internals and hearing other women screaming and vomiting (I’m emetophobic) just had my stress levels so unbearably high. I was anxious throughout the pregnancy, worse than the other two, I was absolutely convinced she would die in labour, and was in shock when she actually arrived, I just kept repeating I can’t believe she’s here. I was mentally exhausted by the end, as much as physically, and when I was given a bed on the postnatal ward I nearly dropped her I was so worn out.

I never felt like that with the other two, both inductions and actually the first was quite bad really, only just avoided an EMCS, plus awful treatment in that hospital. I had to go through so much alone because I was in hospital for 3 days after. Luckily this time I was out in under 24h. And everyone is always amazed how I gave birth to my second who was nearly 12lb (undiagnosed GD and overdue), but honestly I’d do that ten times over rather than go through my third again.

I am lucky that this was our surprise third and last, I am now terrified of being pregnant ever again, DH is getting the snip.

BillywigSting Sat 03-Mar-18 09:17:06

Yep.

Birth wasn't actually that horrendous despite being induced and getting a couple of tears. I was saved from forceps and episiotomy by my amazing midwife. Bloody angel that woman.

But pregnancy was awful.

It was pretty standard to begin with (apart from sickness that didn't go until after ds was born) but had high blood pressure towards the end.

But even the 'normal' pregnancy symptoms were horrible.

It hurts. Like straight up is painful for nine months.

Don't get me wrong, I love ds more than anything but I would honestly rather adopt than be pregnant again.

I never really properly recovered from it either. Back pain, pelvic floor issues, achey scar where I tore etc.

So no.

Never. Again.

KalaLaka Sat 03-Mar-18 09:19:00

OP if you can't manage to get counselling (nhs is broke), I think even talking it through with someone who is willing to listen, and being able to talk through all the details, and how you feel about it, may help. As many times as you need to. Even here might be helpful.

LloydColeandtheCoconuts Sat 03-Mar-18 09:19:21

My first childbirth experience was so awful that I started to have panic attacks as I approached my due date with second. I clearly should have had some counselling but it didn’t occur to me and it wasn’t offered. After speaking things through with a wonderful person I was able to mentally prepare myself. Thus the second was a quick and problem free experience.
I would do it again but I fear I’m a bit old and skint

Tinkerbec Sat 03-Mar-18 09:22:21

I am with you. Mine is ten. It took me a couple of years to look at a pregnant woman without fearing for her. Feeling sick in my throat and heart racing.

Never again.

Bluntness100 Sat 03-Mar-18 09:24:02

I disliked being pregnant and had a horrific birth, I spent a month in hospital afterwards and had regular hospitals visits back to hospital for a year afterwards.

I had eclampsia a couple of days after delivering, amongst other complications, and had to be put into icu as I was fitting. My kidneys had started to fail and I was in a very, very bad way.

Even after the consultants a year later signed me off as healthy, when I visited my gp for anything my notes came up with a line in capital letters saying "significant pregnancy complications" and for an extended period they kept trying to convince me to get sterilised.

I was 28, the opinion was I couldn't survive another pregnancy and there was too high a risk so they wished to remove the risk. I can't even count how many doctors and consultants took a serious discussion with me on why I needed to be sterilised and that a second pregnancy simply wasn't an option for me.

Fortunately I only ever wanted one, but weirdly refused Sterilisation. Falling pregnant again though became an abject fear of mine, the thought of it really scared me deep down. So I should have agreed to it in hindsight.

LillianGish Sat 03-Mar-18 09:24:06

The type of birth you get is basically down to how the baby lies on the day plus the interaction with your own anatomy. From the get go, some births are going to be easier and some harder. Some will never be ok without intervention I gave birth in France and this was the message of the ante natal classes I attended in a nutshell. The midwife told us a lot of it was down to luck - the length of labour you could expect, the size of the baby in relation to to the size of your pelvis and the baby’s position. That’s why you are offered excellent pain relief options in France and most women have an epidural (which contrary to everything I’d heard from an NCT friend in the UK didn’t slow things down and make it more difficult to push - it just made everything more tolerable). The aim there is to make everything as quick and painless as possible so you can get back to normal ASAP - they even throw in a course of pelvic physio for all new mums. This thread makes horrendous reading flowersflowersflowers to all of you.

DenPerry Sat 03-Mar-18 09:29:28

I would reccommend having a section for your second, to avoid more possible birth trauma. I have fear of birth and know I would have been badly affected by it all so I asked for sections for my two. It was great and I have nothing traumatic to look back on. I'm just sharing this incase you really do want another one day but can't go through birth again thanks

fusushumi Sat 03-Mar-18 09:34:05

My first birth was a difficult forceps delivery and I was firmly signed up to the "never again" club like you OP. But I went on to have 2 more and the 3rd birth in particular I think I can say I almost enjoyed!! It wasn't particularly quick (8 hours) but I felt in control of the whole thing, had an excellent midwife who let me get on with it in my own way and I felt in some way enpowered. The contrast was huge: I never dreamed it could possibly be that way after my first experience 6 years before, the difference was so great.... so let some time pass, see how you feel

CatherineUC Sat 03-Mar-18 09:34:32

Oh great. It's my due date today... shock

thewhitechapelfatberg Sat 03-Mar-18 09:35:11

After my first baby, it took me three years to be able to contemplate the idea of going through it again - and I couldn’t watch OBEM for a long time. But my second labour is actually up there with the greatest moments of my life. Home birth, calm and in control made all the difference and it was a wonderful, empowering experience. Time is a great healer, as will be the overwhelming love you feel for your new baby.

fusushumi Sat 03-Mar-18 09:48:31

CatherineUC stop reading NOW!!!! smile

bluescreen Sat 03-Mar-18 10:17:54

cheshiremama and all brave mums flowers flowers

NotTheMrMenAgain Sat 03-Mar-18 10:49:07

Mine is 9, I knew straight away I would never, ever do it again. HG was rough, the birth was torturous and brutal and left me with PTSD from birth trauma. The PTSD had a big impact on me and pretty much ruined enjoyment of the baby days. I had specialised counselling 3 years later which helped me to come to terms with things, but I'd never do it again, ever.

BothersomeCrow Sat 03-Mar-18 10:55:41

For me, the giving birth bit was OK thanks to g&a and epidurals. But I had terrible SPD both times, slept for about 7 months straight when pregnant with dc2, and will never be pregnant again.
The consultants confirming that stopping with 2 as I might never walk again if I had a third, were superfluous.

TheBlindspot Sat 03-Mar-18 12:12:59

Yep I was in the 'never again' camp after a horrible 3 day induction after PROM at term ending epidural in forceps, episiotomy, shoulder dystocia, baby eventually being born by being yanked out by hand, PPH, more tears and stitches than I can count and a retained placenta. And I still consider myself lucky. Both me and DD were physically ok, in the end.

Nearly two years later, a horrible bout of post-natal anxiety, nine months of counselling and I'm 12 weeks pregnant with number 2, who was planned.

I wouldn't be doing it if I wasn't guaranteed an ELCS this time though. I will never have another natural birth (not that there was much natural about it in the end anyway!). I know CS recovery isn't a walk in the park by any means, but it can't be any worse than last time.

ToadsforJustice Sat 03-Mar-18 12:43:27

I decided that after DS1 was born, the only way I would do it again would be by squatting on my kitchen floor. As I didn't want MW and doctors telling me what to do and holding me down to examine me without my consent again, I had three home births without any help from anyone until it was "too late". My favourite memory after DD2 was born was DD1 coming into my bedroom, seeing her new sister and asking me if I was alright. Bless her.

HungerOfThePine Sat 03-Mar-18 13:12:06

I felt that way, the whole experience was horrible and I wasn't entirely prepared for it.
I'm not planning on more dc but I would do it again, older and more aware of what to expect and what to ask for if I need it.

I was thinking about it a little while back and no one was there for me emotionally when I needed it most. I should have asked for a hug from someone/anyone it would have made a difference.

HeyhoIndigo Sat 03-Mar-18 20:04:12

I strongly believe that childbirth is not for the faint hearted. My dad quotes me saying that after my first. I say that as someone who had two normal straightforward births. The first was quite scary, I don't think anything can properly prepare you.

It is worth it though; wait and see how you feel in a couple of years OP. As PP have said you do forget ( until contractions start with number two ! Too late then ). My second birth was much less scary and I enjoyed parts of it; the thought of having a lovely baby at the end of it will motivate you during labour and birth, it did me.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Sun 04-Mar-18 02:02:36

As PP have said, you don’t forget when it’s really traumatic.

alarox Sun 04-Mar-18 03:44:10

Congratulations OP flowers your post resonates with me so much! DS's birth was similar, even my DH suggested we don't ever do it again. My mum had 4 easy births and had always rolled her eyes at TV births and said it wasn't that bad hmm
That said, I had DD soon after. I definitely wanted 2 , can't explain why exactly but think there was an element of "fuck it, it's going to be awful, just get it out the way". When I went in for my (2nd) induction and heard women labouring it made me vomit and shake in pure fear knowing what was to come. Thankfully it was a smooth birth, in fact it was almost enjoyable which is something I never thought I'd say! Still can't bring myself to watch OBEM though.

Izzabellasasperella Sun 04-Mar-18 05:13:45

I loved being pregnant but dds birth was pretty horrendous. Induced and in labour for hours but because she was back to back she got stuck.I remember whimpering to dh over and over please please make it stop. They tried forceps and ventous (poor little dd and her pointed head when she eventually came out!) Ended up with a Emcs. My dh said I looked like a ghost after but the recovery was ok, well as good as it could be as a first time,sleep deprived, nipples beyond hurting Mum😀. We went on to have ds, I think I must of blocked out my first birth.In the end I had to have a Cs due to D's being breech.I felt great after well until we got home.Sleep deprevation is so hedious, that was probably the worst thing about having a newborn.
I loved being pregnant so much that I would have liked to have been a surrogate but dh was not keen and my age was against me.

Elledorado Sun 04-Mar-18 05:36:50

The birth of my second was so smooth (and easy!) compared to my first, it was cathartic. I feel really sorry for those who have only one extremely traumatic birth, as I would still have PTSD if not for my second. For the record I have been through it three times now. I still think back to the first one occasionally and get a cold chill but like I said the second and third births healed me.

BitchQueen90 Sun 04-Mar-18 05:48:07

Yep. I had a difficult birth with DS (forceps, episiotomy). Almost 5 years later and it's still one of the main reasons why I don't want any more DC.

sallythesheep73 Sun 04-Mar-18 17:51:32

1st birth went really well - homebirth with just some gas and air. Lovely midwives.
2nd birth - horrendous - shite midwife in a hospital. I was terrified and the pain was awful (induction).
After that I said I either wouldn't do it again or would go private. I havent done it again and nearly 5 years later I get nightmares about the b!tch of a midwife (told my husband I would have to wait as it was shift change - meanwhile DD2 was practically popping out of my arse and I was still on an open ward with 3 other people - just fncking awful). Never again.

jollym Sun 04-Mar-18 17:55:28

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

cakesandphotos Sun 04-Mar-18 17:55:55

I didn’t so much kind the birth although it was horrible. I was induced then refused an epidural for hours because DH had made me take my blood thinner. I Eventually dialated to 10cm and they wheeled me down for a forceps delivery. Which turned into an emergency c section.
4 days in a hot hospital on my own (no other patients, weirdly isolating)
Baby lost too much weight and is struggling to gain it. Then this week I got a UTI and yesterday my c section wound got infected.

For me, it’s the 3 weeks post parfum that put me off far more than the actual birth, that was only one day. The last 3 weeks have been horrible!

scarybiscuit Sun 04-Mar-18 17:57:51

Nope only one DD dreadful pregnancy sick morning noon and night allergies was awful.
Then she came at 28 weeks + 3 days spent 11weeks in Scbu. (Pre-eclampsia) emergency c section I didn’t really see her for 5 days as I was a bit out of it.
Spent the next year worrying about everything was in and out of hospital with bronchlitis the first 18 months .
She is now a beautiful intelligent funny 14 year old.
But I really couldn’t of gone through it again.

I can remember everything almost down to the day what happened when. And my memory hasn’t faded.

It’s up to you but I don’t regret only having one perfect little doll.

Bratsandtwats Sun 04-Mar-18 17:58:42

I only ever had one DC due to a traumatic birth, but every birth is different. Just because it happened this time doesn't mean it wil next time.
Would having a 'debrief' with a midwife help you to process your experience?

simiisme Sun 04-Mar-18 17:59:57

Anyone who says that you forget labour obviously has a very different brain to mine.
My first birth was horrendous - Thursday to Sunday, masses of intervention, terrifying, left me poorly afterwards and requiring a stay in hospital.
When I discovered I was pregnant for a second time, I burst into tears at the thought of having to do it again.
Both my sons were desperately longed for as I had fertility problems.
The second labour was text book perfect. No complications and back home 6 hours later.
I still shudder when I was women on TV giving birth, for real or fictional.
I've never forgotten a second of either labour, but the second birth was so much better.

sandraletitia Sun 04-Mar-18 18:04:27

I’m sorry to hear you are feeling this way. If no improvement 6-8 weeks after birth do consider seeing a birth trauma practitioner - I’m one but we’re all over the country. www.birthtraumarecovery.com
All the best.

devuskums Sun 04-Mar-18 18:05:35

My third child was stillborn at 24 weeks just before Christmas last year. I will never forget the horror of it all. The placenta had to be manually removed afterwards... looking to my right while laying on the operating table I could clearly see the surgeon's hands scooping it out from inside of me on the scan machine display. Absolute horror. And no living baby to cuddle to help me get over it. But I would give anything to go through it all again for another child.

emmakc1977 Sun 04-Mar-18 18:06:05

My first was ok - second was horrendous as it was so quick. Then I had surprise 3rd baby born within 12 months. I really didn’t have time to forget the second labour but actually although still quick, the third was nowhere as bad as the second. It’s true what they say, all labours are different. The end result is worth it though😂

Fluffycloudland77 Sun 04-Mar-18 18:06:54

One of my dn has a few friends who’ve had babies in the last year, they’ve all said it’s a burning sensation rather than pain shock

I haven’t kids so no first hand expierience but I’m pretty sure your birth stories are more accurate grin

user1472151176 Sun 04-Mar-18 18:08:26

My first birth was very traumatic and I begged to be sterilised after, for fear of ever getting pregnant again. 3 years later I had my DS and it was wonderful. A very healing experience- glad I did it again.

Havana7 Sun 04-Mar-18 18:09:43

Your labour sounds very similar to mine (I got a pulmonary embolism) and I felt exactly the same as you! Almost traumatised by the experience. Now my baby is 7 months I could quite happily do it again!

Tainbri Sun 04-Mar-18 18:09:59

Nope, never EVER again! Massivley traumatic birth ( DS also had a brain bleed) not going to go into details but we both survived thanks to amazing NHS staff, immensely grateful but will leave it there!

Treacletoots Sun 04-Mar-18 18:14:48

Why do you need another child? If one is enough for you then that's all that matters. I was lucky and had an elective CS which was frankly, from what I've heard from others an absolute dream but I've no intention of doing it all again.

I hated being pregnant, and towards the end had a fair few serious problems, which ultimately led to being offered the planned CS which I'm unbelievably grateful for.

Births are trauma and if you need help recovering, both mentally and physically please ask for it.

Jayfee Sun 04-Mar-18 18:16:46

There was one point when I thought I would die from the pain. My friend had the same experience. I did have a second child and it was much quicker - 2 hours compared to ten hours. You have to do what is right for you. Only children are happy, so are children with siblings. Just enjoy your baby and see how you feel in two years time??

BestZebbie Sun 04-Mar-18 18:19:18

I didn't have a "traumatic birth" (though we'd have both died without an emergency c-section as DS was very breech). That was still enough to confirm never again, and also to wonder what sick fuck thought of celebrating birthdays for the first two years as that last thing I wanted was a cheery annual all-family celebration of me basically being torturted.

laura6032 Sun 04-Mar-18 18:21:29

Yup, hated it, was sick for full nine months of pregnancy, the labor was horrendous, worst experience of my life.
My ds is 4.5 and I'm pregnant lol, feeling sick and dreading the birth.

TopSop Sun 04-Mar-18 18:22:30

First pregnancy was plain sailing, but the birth was horrendous and went on and on (and on!) as the baby was back to back. Recovered from the trauma and the tearing - but my husband was adamant we weren't doing it again as he was so traumatised by the whole experience - his mother's mother died in childbirth and he thought he was going to lose me. Fast forward 4 years to my second pregnancy - felt sick all the time, actually lost weight! - but the birth process was calm and virtually stress- free, and much shorter! I guess you never know what you're going to end up with. I was terrified of having another one back to back, so I spent a lot of time head down on the stairs! and got myself a kneeling chair for working, to ensure I couldn't slump!

MaMisled Sun 04-Mar-18 18:22:35

So sorry you had a terrible time. I did too. I remember Mothers Day was soon after and seeing the cards made me cry. Pregnant women in the street made me cry because I felt they didn't know what was coming. I thought no wonder everyone talks about the war because terrible things change you. My thought processes were unhinged. I was so deeply traumatised. I got pregnant again 3 yrs later and it honestly didn't occur to me anything could ever be that awful again. No 2 was delivered in 4 hrs, in soft lighting, to low music and, immediately after, I'd have queued up to do it all again.

HeyRoly Sun 04-Mar-18 18:22:58

I remember lying in recovery after having my perineum and sphincter put back together and saying never, ever again.

Begged for an elective section for baby 2 (and it took me a long while to feel ready for a second child) and it was bloody brilliant.

But now I really am never doing it again.

demirose87 Sun 04-Mar-18 18:24:29

I've had two emergency c sections and two planned and been sterilised. I'll be glad not to recover after a c section again as the last two were prolonged and painful.

beeswax2014 Sun 04-Mar-18 18:26:21

After my first dc, I remember being completely shell shocked. It helped me to talk through what happened with friends. I also wrote things down, to get them out of my head.

I was very lucky and all 3 of my births were all straight forward. 2 were born in a birthing pool and last dc was a quick emergency dash to hospital. Each birth was different and significant, and I don’t think it matters if they are good or bad - they all affect you.

Time goes make a difference though, and the pain fades away.

Sunnysas Sun 04-Mar-18 18:28:30

You've had a rough time! I understand how you feel as I was completely traumatised after the birth. It put me off trying for a second but I went for it in the end and had many sleepless nights in the early stages of pregnancy worrying about the birth. In the end I had an elective c section. 'Luckily' I had a bad tear and didn't realise it until my 20 week appointment that the dictors didn't recommend a natural birth. I leaped on it! The midwives weren't convinced but I insisted. it was a totally different experience and I went on to happily have a third.

JaneEyre70 Sun 04-Mar-18 18:33:53

I remember being utterly shell shocked after my 1st OP. She was finally born after a 4 day induction, failed ventouse and eventually forceps in theatre. I had a massive haemorrhage after and was on labour ward for 2 days and a dural tap from the epidural meaning I was also lead flat. I had so many stitches sitting down nearly made me scream, and all in all I felt completely bloody cheated.
I would say that there must be a part of our brain that slowly removes the memory, as I went on to have 3 more (although sadly 1 was stillborn). It wasn't until the contractions started that I thought "holy shit what am I doing??!?!?!". I hope you get better soon and enjoy your baby. They are worth in the end..... perhaps apart from the teenage bit grin

Amanduh Sun 04-Mar-18 18:34:15

My pregnancy was great. No problems. Didnt have any side effects (except heartburn) and it was textbook. I wasn’t afraid of giving birth. However the birth was horrific from start to finish, dc and I were severely let down, the staff were awful (except the midwives who delivered dc in the end) and put us both in danger, the pain was hprrific and their failings continued after baby was born. It’s not something, luckily, I’ve been traumatised by, I rarely think about it and it hasn’t affected me long term at all. However I do want another baby and I don’t know what I’d do about the birth. The thought of going through it again is awful!

Kitsandkids Sun 04-Mar-18 18:36:05

I count myself very lucky because although I went into labour 4 weeks early the actual labour wasn't too bad. 8 hours and yes it was painful but it was tolerable pain (with gas and air) and as soon as it was over I felt absolutely fine. Compared to 8 hours recently of food poisoning then feeling horrendous for a couple of days afterwards. My pregnancy was fine too. I had no morning sickness or joint pain, no cramps, no Braxton hicks, nothing.

I'm kind of scared to do it again in case I was just lucky and it's horrendous next time!

RaqsMax Sun 04-Mar-18 18:38:20

Poor you! A midwife friend of mine has recently qualified as Birth Trauma Resolution Therapist and this sounds like something you might benefit from. She is not in your area (Cheshire?), but there will be others who are. birthtraumaresolution.com/find-a-practitioner/ This site may be helpful. I know that my friend has been able to help many women who felt completely traumatized by their birthing experience. Hope you get the help that you need... flowers

LoislovesStewie Sun 04-Mar-18 18:40:06

Just to add, I had all day so called morning sickness ( ha -ha), twice, but 2 very easy labours, only a bit of back pain, midwives caught on the hop as I was told that I wasn't in labour! No pain relief , but I couldn't stop walking, just had to move. I'm trying to offer hope to any of you about to give birth, hope you are all ok.

LoveBeingAMum555 Sun 04-Mar-18 18:40:36

I felt exactly the same -DS1 was born face up with forceps, I was only offered gas and air, lost a lot of blood and came close to a transfusion. Oh and I pushed so hard I burst some blood vessels in my eye. DS was poorly and screamed non stop for days. I was 26 years old and completely unprepared for motherhood.

Strangely I decided that if I was going to do it again I needed to do it sooner rather than later and 2 years later DS2 was born. I was in labour for 3 hours and he literally shot out. I was very scared but it was such a positive experience.

You might feel differently in a year or two. I know that twice was enough for me but I was glad that I was able to go through it again.

Kaybump Sun 04-Mar-18 18:40:59

I had my daughter 6 years ago and I have not forgotten the trauma I went through. I would love another baby and so would my partner but I am so scared! I still have problems now because I was pushing for so long (3hrs) I ended up with an anal fissure which has never healed. I'm never pushing anything out of there again.
My sisters both had planned sections and their experiences were so lovely. I hate thinking about it, I can't watch OBEM either! And people keep telling me I've paved the way and I'll forget the experience but 6years on I have not. I would have another baby if I could guarantee a c section.

peanutbuttery24 Sun 04-Mar-18 18:44:50

Oh god I really feel where you're coming from, bless you as I too felt utterly traumatised after horrendous 1st birth (won't go into details but suffice to say it was an utter nightmare). All I would say is:

1. You're early on, sleep deprived and still in the thick of recovery...you may change your mind. 3 years in I knew I wanted another child but could not forget or face birth again. You are entitled to ask for an elcs. The newborn phase is so tough, even with positive birth experiences!

2. If you feel the birth is making you suffer mentally, let your GP help. Talking things through really helped. I also wrote my experience down, sent it to the hospital and had a 'debrief' with the head of labour ward to get it off my chest. I was diagnosed with PTSD and PND and have had help & support with both.

3. Time heals. Despite my mental and physical woes, I did get better and am a very happy and fulfilled mummy. I feel blessed, and although the memories of the trauma remain (and always will), I have healed.

4. If you don't want any more children, also fine! I'm sure your LO is very lucky to have you, and you're doing a great job.

xx

Lovingit81 Sun 04-Mar-18 18:46:58

I genuinely thought my first childbirth was out of a horror film. I was not present and honestly believed I was going to die. I have never experienced trauma like it and my poor husband was shell shocked. However, what I have discovered is that it's like that for a lot of women we just don't talk about it that much. Two years later I currently have a four month old so I did go back again. In my opinion the pure joy and love for your child does make it a distant memory. For what it's worth my second birth wasn't nearly as bad (not a doddle) but not as bad. You will feel differently I'm sure, in the meantime get through it as best as you can. Congratulations on your baby flowers enjoy every second ❤️

snapperstickers68 Sun 04-Mar-18 18:47:05

I don't love to do it again. I was pregnant at 46 sadly it didn't follow through. I kayak and have stomach muscles so mashed up from two previous bigbabybirths I can feel them freak and tear every time I lift my arms over my head. I have a perineum that went for a stroll down a back alley during birth and forgot to come home. I have flaps that split into 3 with extra fronds.
I'd still risk all that again though.
Well, if I wasn't 50 this year. grin so no chance now anyway.

allwomanR Sun 04-Mar-18 18:49:06

My 1sr DS wasn’t great- not awful, but 36 hours back to back, I couldn’t catch my breath and I used ALOT of energy at the end shouting ‘no forceps, ventous only!!’ Which I don’t know if it was this which meant he was but they tried that first... tears and an epidural that I’m still numb from. When I had my 2nd DS the whole thing was so much easier it was wonderful as I felt like I could breathe through the pain like I was supposed to, but I did then have nightmares and flash backs to DS1 birth. Definitely helped being able to chat the whole thing through with my mum in person who was around for DS2 to look after DS1!

spagbol11 Sun 04-Mar-18 18:50:27

Both my pregnancies had HG and both births weren’t very good 1st 36hrs 2nd 13 hrs, haemorrhaged twice after second, needed blood transfusion. Thought I was going to die. No more here. I’m thankful for the 2 beauties I have 💕

MumzieMel Sun 04-Mar-18 18:51:57

Hypnobirthing, perineal massage, the whole 9 yards as I was terrified of tearing or needing a c section, visualised this perfect birth even strongly considered a home birth ..... 9 months on Emergency c section under general anaesthetic baby in distress. Found the whole hospital experience traumatic! I was also trying to find a way to return to work after 6 weeks I HATED that first few weeks so much. Fast forward 6 months gutted to leave him when I did go back to work. Two years in my husband is desperate for another, although i’ve all but forgot the trauma i’m coming round to the idea but not in a hurry to come off contraception not until we can get my toddler to sleep past 5:30!!!! Please make sure you talk to your health visitor or anyone who’ll listen it helps deal with the trauma, a lot can change in two years!

1sttimeunicorn Sun 04-Mar-18 18:55:15

I have an 11 month old DS and I feel the same as you.
Bringing him into the world took years as we suffered multiple losses, the labour part took 5 long days. I thought towards the end (in surgery having an assisted delivery via forceps) that I would die or DS would and that would be the culmination of the journey we had been on.
There isn’t much joy in the first few photos or memories.
I’ve decided that if we are lucky enough to have another I will request a planned section.

User11011 Sun 04-Mar-18 18:56:10

Yes. Felt very upset for a few months after I gave birth whenever I thought about the labour. It was the pain of the transition phase for me - I was so scared.
My DD is now 19 months old, I'm currently pregnant with my 2nd and am practicing Hypnobirthing and planning a home birth - I'm feeling empowered by the idea of taking control of my birth experience this time, feeling more prepared and less scared.
That said, I'd forgotten how shit the first trimester is and this is DEF my last one!!

Notasunnybunny Sun 04-Mar-18 18:59:07

Very traumatic birth with dd2, totally different experience the first time around. I like you look on one born every minute as a horror show.

I’m lucky in that I know it can go differently so it wouldn’t stop me having another, I would plan better, possibly save for a private midwife who could get to know me and be aware of previous issue, mine was a posterior cervix. I find that most traumatic births involve some kind of medical intervention that subsequently creates the problem. Mine was as simple as midwife pressuring me into an emergency hospital transfer after meconium in my waters. This didn’t bother me as both mine were born very ‘late’ and meconium comes with the territory with late comers, it isn’t the same red flag as it can be. However I moved despite being desperate to lay on my side and rock which was the exact same instinct I had with my first labour. This going against my instinct got baby in a positioning pickle and I spent hours in screaming agony unable to articulate what I thought was wrong. Eventually someone noticed and I was helped but it was hell for those hours.

Smudge100 Sun 04-Mar-18 19:00:24

There’s a design fault.

seagulltargetpractice Sun 04-Mar-18 19:00:25

I vowed I'd never do it again after a crash section.

Here I am pregnant with number 2.

Definitely done after this one though!

Afternooncatnap Sun 04-Mar-18 19:03:25

My labour was really traumatic. I had flash backs and panic attacks about it for months. I still can't really bare to think about it.

But a year on we are trying for number two. Every labour is different and i hope that the next one will be a more joyful experience. If its not and its also horrible, so what I get a baby out of it.

frutti Sun 04-Mar-18 19:04:04

Yep. I have never watched one born every minute since giving birth and I used to watch it all the time. It’s all bit misleading now haha.

Dd is nearly 5 and everyone for her first 2 years kept saying ahhhh you’ll forget the pain, you’ll have another. I haven’t. Not going there ever again. People have stopped saying it now.
I hope you feel back to yourself soon!

Mrseft Sun 04-Mar-18 19:04:38

My first labour and birth were horrendous. I have a heart defect, the OB and drs did not consult as they should have with my cardiologists. As a result my birth almost caused me permanent cardiac damage which would have left me unable to have anymore children and changed my future outlook considerably.

I swore I'd never do it again immediately after but as we found out the extent of the consequences the more I realised I really wasn't done. The thought of not being able to have a second child devastated me. I was cleared to have more children and I did so under a specialist team the second time. My labour and birth were amazing. I came out of it feeling like a rockstar and I really wanted to do that again.

As it turned out though, I won't be ever giving birth again. Despite a clear smear pre second pregnancy, I got cervical cancer during my second pregnancy and have had to have a hysterectomy.

Definitely consider talking to someone. My first birth still upsets me to think/talk about. Trauma from birth is real, but it is still possible to have more and be ok. X

Anetheron Sun 04-Mar-18 19:06:00

I had an awful birth with my dd, she's almost 2 and I still get upset whenever I think about it. There is a lot of pain and bitterness surrounding it for me. I definitely don't want another child, I never want to go through any of it again. I had a debriefing at the hospital, but unfortunately it didn't help me at all. I'm pretty sure I had Pnd up until she was almost one, but I never went to a doctor about it.
I'm really glad to see that a lot of other people went onto have a much more positive experience the second time around though.

TheresALight Sun 04-Mar-18 19:06:47

OPs first post was me after the birth of my first. I even told all the midwives "never again" as I left the hospital. But I was back for baby 2 to be born just 18 months later!
Time definately helps, and I'd always wanted more than 1 child but I was definately put off for at least 6 months the first time round.
Had a planned c section with baby 2 which helped massively because I knew that the due date and labour wouldn't be so out of my control. Knowing I wouldn't behaving to have any contractions second time helped too!

Crummyfunnymummy Sun 04-Mar-18 19:07:33

The birth of my first DC was so awful. I was terrified for his life! And then my own. It was very chaotic and suddenly lots of people in the room, rushing me to the emergency room, no time to explain what was happening. I was beside myself. I, like you, was tearful every time I thought of it. For 2 years!! I think I had PTSD but they never asked me about that, or did any check on my emotional state, apart from post natal depression. Which I definitely didn’t have. Anyway, I knew I wanted more children. I was offered a C sec because of the previous complications. DH was adamant I should accept but I wanted to have a ‘normal’ calm birth to write over the previous memory! My DD was born safely, with just one midwife there. I had no need of drugs. It was only 3 or 4 hours. Very calm. Home later that day. It was exactly how you would hope a birth to be. It has put to rest the hideous experience of my DS’s birth. I’m not planning on any more now. Not because of worries about the birth, but because 2 DC is as many as I can cope with!!! grin You don’t have to decide now xx

TheresALight Sun 04-Mar-18 19:09:44

I also had pnd after the first, and had to come off ADs when I found out I was pregnant again. But luckily I've been fine since. I think having pregnancy hormones in my body again helped to 're- balance' me.

Yellowhorse Sun 04-Mar-18 19:11:16

I had one of the births from hell, long labour, baby went into troubled breathing so had to have a ventouse, and that split every part of my nether regions. I was then told the placenta had calcified and I needed an emergency operation or I would heamorage to death,whizzed straight off without more than a glance at the baby.
Several blood transfusions later, and a lot of mental trauma, I was sterilised as I knew I could not go through it again.
I have never regretted that decision, 22 years on.

ChikiTIKI Sun 04-Mar-18 19:16:23

Does anyone know when you actually get offered the counselling? I went to the GP (crying) desperate to find out how I can forget what happened. She referred me for a debrief saying that the staff need to hear my feedback.... But what about me? Do you get offered counselling after the debrief? It's good to give the feedback I know, it will help the staff, but it would be nice if I could get some help too!

Lashalicious Sun 04-Mar-18 19:22:38

Bless you op and congratulations. You’ve gone through and still going through a lot after childbirth.

Something I was told: you will forget all the bad, at least enough that you will want another! Although I wasn’t able to have another, the pain I went through that lasted long after childbirth, has dimmed and I now remember more the euphoria of being a mother.

Hang in there!

ToftyAC Sun 04-Mar-18 19:25:49

I always said the same after my DS1 was born. 29.5 hours of sheer painful hell, preeclampsia and an EMCS with 6 nightmare days in hospital. I was adamant. Roll on 12 years and a new partner and along came DS2. Different birth entirely! Totally textbook and really fast. Definitely not doing it again though! Lol

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister Sun 04-Mar-18 19:27:31

I was never doing it again! I’m now on my third confused

BrazzleDazzleDay Sun 04-Mar-18 19:29:54

After 4 premature forceps births, i'm definite done. Dh had to go for the snip twice before it worked.

Xanadu44 Sun 04-Mar-18 19:29:56

DD is 8 months old. I had a horrific birth with operations and complications afterwards. Couldn't give birth naturally again if I wanted to. My pregnancy was awful and I really did not enjoy the newborn stage.
Don't get me wrong DD is (now) the best thing to ever happen to me but I am 8 months down the line and I am NEVER going to go through it again. Never. I'm happy with my lot. I don't want to push it (no pun intended)
Before I got pregnant I always intended to have two. Totally changed my mind. I also feel traumatised from the whole experience (pregnancy and birth) I wake up most nights from having nightmares about it.

mirime Sun 04-Mar-18 19:37:35

Me. I'm not doing it again. I had no 'halo effect' so haven't forgotten what it was like. It was a terrible experience and nearly five years later I remember it all too clearly.

I would have considered a second child bit have been told repeatedly that I couldn't choose a section over induction if it was necessary and the thought of being induced again makes me feel sick. Even without that I had a difficult pregnancy with horrendous sickness that in hindsight may have been HG, all be it at the 'milder' end, and the thought of going through that again is horrendous as well.

EffingJeffer Sun 04-Mar-18 19:38:05

Absolutely never doing it again. I'm satisfied with just the one!

The pregnancy was hell
The birth was hell
The post-birth recovery was hell
Breastfeeding was hell
The sleep deprivation was hell
The PND / PTSD was hell
The SIDS anxiety was hell
The colic and reflux was hell
The loss of my identity was hell
The loneliness was hell
The impact it had on my relationship with DH was hell

Don't get me wrong, my child is my life, my world and my everything. I don't regret him. We've overcome it all (and continue to do so!) But I didn't know then what I know now.

DH would like more DCs but I just can't go through it again. I'm not the glowy, radiant Mother Earth type and none of it came naturally or easy to me.

I know my limits, and one child is it!

Corkscrewbetty Sun 04-Mar-18 19:38:14

I didn't see it coming AT ALL. I just feel naive now. I had a great pregnancy, spent hours preparing a hypnobirth, thought I'd be on my birthing ball or bobbing around in the pool. Nothing went to plan. Nothing. We both nearly died. I ended up having an emergency c-section and my heart nearly gave out... they injected me with something... adrenilin maybe... I went into some sort of weird shock... and the pain after that - fuck me - (gallons and gallons of water and blood shooting out of a tear in my scar for weeks afterwards). It was awful. I felt like a proper dick at the two-page birthing plan I wrote full of hippy-dippy, yoghurt-knitting, dolphin-singing malarky. I thought acupuncture would get me through the pain. I don't think I'll be able to do it again. She was worth it. I was so scared she would die. I've only just stopped talking about it. SHe's six months old now. I still can't feel my belly. It's all numb. My mum was with me... and I don't think she's over it. In some ways, it was worse for her. She was left for an hour on her own and really did assume we were both gonners. Nope, one child is going to have to be enough for me!

bruffin Sun 04-Mar-18 19:42:25

I had horrendous first birth
7 weeks in hospital with PE
induced at 38 weeks which took 3 days, 24 hours in labour .DS finally born in theatre after failed ventuese in case forceps didnt work. Forceps worked , poor ds had a black eye and cone shaped head.Lost lot of blood afterwards as well and spent another 4 days in hospital.

However exactly 2 years later dd was born at 37 weeks, 4 hours from waters breaking to birth and felt almost euphoric afterwards. Went home next morning.

WaxOnFeckOff Sun 04-Mar-18 19:45:19

Sacroiliac hip dysfunction during pregnancy, 36 hour active labour with 9lb 13oz back to back baby who was stuck solid, eventually ending in an emergency c-section trying to pull a stuck baby back up the birth canal, borderline blood transfusion, horrible stay in hospital which culminated in me signing myself and Ds out against Drs advice. DS2 was born by planned section 13 months later....was told by the surgeon that the previous c section scar would never have held during the trial of labour that they wanted.

Never did it again though! grin

poppym12 Sun 04-Mar-18 19:51:19

Me. It was hell. I said never again and I meant it. He's nearly 19 now and I never forgot it as everyone says you do. And if I had my time again, I'd say never at all, not even once.

RockafellerSkank Sun 04-Mar-18 19:54:32

My first labour was horrendous, but the second he popped out, I felt utterly elated and knew I would do it again if I could.
We had already agreed to just have two, but after DD's birth, which was again utterly horrendous, I did say thank fuck I don't ever have to do that again.
That said, if I could have my time again I'd still do it twice, despite all the agony, as they are well worth it. Imaginary third child is not worth it though! :D

herethereandeverywhere Sun 04-Mar-18 19:54:57

Sympathies OP - it's horrific isn't it?

It took me over a year to even contemplate having sex again. And I'd decided that I'd only have another child if I could have an ELCS. We had money saved for house restorations which we would have spent on private care had I not been granted one on the NHS - luckily I got my NHS one (which frankly was repayment after my first experience.)

Try to get some mental health support and also speak up about any ongoing healing/pain issues. Post-birth women are just fobbed off with 'that's how it is post-birth' unless you're really persistent about needing help/pain relief/whatever.

I still have PTSD from my first birth and ongoing physical symptoms 8 years later - please please fight for the care you need as soon as you can.

Daisymaybe60 Sun 04-Mar-18 20:01:36

Congratulations on your new baby, and my commiserations on your horrible birth experience. flowers

I can only say that my first was difficult (but nowhere near as horrific as yours), my second much, much easier, and my third like shelling peas. For you, and any others who may decide to try again, I sincerely hope your experiences go the same way.

Zoejj77 Sun 04-Mar-18 20:01:37

I had a terrible labour too and then had to stay in hospital for 5 days with my newborn as a ftm stuck behind curtains worried my son was really ill and no idea wtf I was doing. Awake all night feeding and terrified to sleep in the day in case something happened. It took me ages to get over it all and used to joke about ptsd but I really was traumatised buy the whole thing.my son is now 5 months old and he worst of it is over and I actually make jokes about it now. I adore my son but I’m happy for him to be an only child.

rotavixsucks Sun 04-Mar-18 20:03:42

I had a hg pregnancy followed by 3 days of contractions at 3 minutes apart consistently. Baby stuck in the wrong position resulting in lost heart rate, emergency failed ventouse and rotational forceps and hip injury.

During pregnancy I swore I'd never do it again and after the birth I would not let anyone touch me...so much so that even with an infected episiotomy I ended up putting salt in it instead of seeing someone.

8months on and I am just starting to accept touch from my husband and get physical issues addressed (incontinence, pain etc)

A debrief really helped explain why things happened the way they did and I now feel that should I do it again I will know more to push harder for what I need and not always listen to the midwives.

I really want to have another baby and prove to myself that I can do it but having felt sick the other day and panicking I don't think I'm quite ready yet but it's still early days.

I'm so sorry you've had such a shit time, I don't think you forget but time is a great healer and how you feel now will not last forever, however my personal experience is that getting answers has helped the healing process.

clarkl2 Sun 04-Mar-18 20:03:53

I would rather shit in my hands and clap than do "natural" childbirth ever again!
After a terrifying induction and traumatic 1st ds was born.... I had PTSD waited 11 yrs to get pg again and had an amazing planned csection with ds2. Ds3 was a very scary emergency csection after the cord was round his neck. Never ever again

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »