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Husband's mistress being in our house

(143 Posts)
HerveLeger Thu 01-Mar-18 22:51:04

My husband has been having an affair and is now divorcing me. He told me about the affair on the telephone whilst I was in hospital for two weeks over Christmas and new year. When I got home, it turns out she had stayed with him all that time - he had announced to everyone in the village that he was seeing someone else, took her to the local pub and even asked friends of ours round to dinner. I was only told this (by other people) when I got back home in January. He has told me he wants me out of the house by Easter, so she can move in. I've refused and told him I'm going nowhere until he buys me out and I get the cash. I've also said I don't want her in our house whilst I'm still living here. He gets very intimidating towards me and quite frankly, I'm scared of him. But he thinks I am being utterly unreasonable as 'it is his house too'. I've only known about the affair and that he wants a divorce since the end of December. I'm scared of the future financially - I only work part time, he is a high earner - and my world has been turned upside down. My home (for now) is my safe space and I don't want her in it. AIBU?

OP’s posts: |
Longdistance Thu 01-Mar-18 22:53:48

shock he’s a cheeky cunt!

Stand your ground, and no the ow cannot stay in your house whatever he says. Do not move out either. He can fuck off, and buy a new house with her.

Andromeida29 Thu 01-Mar-18 22:54:19

Get yourself a lawyer and document everything. Contact the Police if you need to. So sorry you're going through this flowers

pallisers Thu 01-Mar-18 22:56:04

seriously cheeky cunt (and possibly deranged tbh)

Tell him you want HIM out of the house by easter.

Then go see a solicitor and start the ball rolling asap.

If he threatens you, call the police.

pallisers Thu 01-Mar-18 22:56:46

And what kind of a woman not only has an affair but walks into the other woman's house while she is in hospital. Does this woman know the gem she is having a fling with?

LakieLady Thu 01-Mar-18 22:59:42

Sorry you're going through this. He's being an absolute shit and it's completely unreasonable. If he wants to be with the OW, he should move in with her or they should get a place together.

And why is he divorcing you? I'd make the fucker wait 5 years, for being such a bastard.

BastardGoDarkly Thu 01-Mar-18 22:59:58

Fucking hell op, you.poor thing.

What a cunt! ?

You're married right? Well no, he can't kick you out and move her in!

RosaRosaRose Thu 01-Mar-18 23:04:01

All of the above.
Stand your ground.
If you're afraid of him, call women's aid and log any threats with the police.
'His house too' YOUR house too!
Sounds like a pig and a bully.
Stay resolute!

Chocolate50 Thu 01-Mar-18 23:06:10

Bastard. Get a solicitor to kick him out or at least get some advice

thegreatbeyond Thu 01-Mar-18 23:07:47

Your house, and emotional abuse (which having this woman in your house is) is a criminal offence now.

KC225 Thu 01-Mar-18 23:11:12

OMG. Shocked on your behalf. How awful.
You need proper advice. Do not let him intimidate you OP.

user1499333856 Thu 01-Mar-18 23:11:29

Get yourself to a solicitor and file for divorce on the grounds of adultery straight away. Don't wait.

Do you have copies of all paperwork? Savings, pensions, house, passports, any documents relating to the children, if any. You need this. Log any incidents of aggression and intimidation.

Take back control of the situation. You are within your rights. He is trying to fuck you over. OP, beat him to it.

ProfessorPickles Thu 01-Mar-18 23:14:11

What. A. Cunt.

Jesus Christ! I'm speechless OP.

Do not let this man intimidate you, gather copies of all relevant documents and seek some legal advice ASAP. I can't believe someone could be so cruel!

Punkatheart Thu 01-Mar-18 23:14:17

Sending support and empathy. Get tough. Get mercenary. Good advice given here.

TheInvisiblePieceofShit Thu 01-Mar-18 23:14:41

Well be thankful you won't have this bile man in your life much longer.
You need legal advice. Get yourself a solicitor.
This will give you facts of what he can and can't do anyway you can do! Knowledge is power. Having facts will remove his power and control he currently has in this situation.

Dvg Thu 01-Mar-18 23:16:21

Yeah he cant kick you out to move her in as the house is also yours. Tell him you will be staying in the house until the lawyer sorts out posessions .... THEN TAKE HIM FOR EVERYTHING YOU CAN!!! If he thinks he can get away with treating you like that then show him hes wrong. I have a feeling your going to be just fine xx

And dont be afraid to use police/Womans Aid if need be xx

sleepinggiraffe Thu 01-Mar-18 23:16:59

How on earth did other people react?!!

Did they actually go to dinner with them?!

Definitely go to a solicitor. Why the hell would an OW even want to be in a home with the exW?

GinAndSonic Thu 01-Mar-18 23:18:52

What grounds does he think he has to divorce you? Prick. Echoing all the advice above flowers

justmatureenough2bdad Thu 01-Mar-18 23:21:29

i think he's being an absolute bellend, but genuine question... surely he can invite her into the house... adultery is definitely grounds for divorce and you need to get advice to make sure it hapoens fairly, but he can incite whoever he wants in (disrespectful yes... emotional abuse i'm not sure), as could you...

Dcdfcdfc Thu 01-Mar-18 23:27:30

I really hope you are not genuinely unsure if YABU. 😕 because you aren’t, obviously.

MyBrilliantDisguise Thu 01-Mar-18 23:30:11

You need the biggest bastard lawyer you can find, OP. The fees for the lawyer will come out of the final settlement (ie he'll be responsible for it as well as you)

ObiJuanKenobi Thu 01-Mar-18 23:33:41

What a cunt! So sorry OP thanks

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Thu 01-Mar-18 23:36:02

Fuck me rigid! Some people really are worth a bullet!

Lilymossflower Thu 01-Mar-18 23:36:26

You aren't being unreasonable at all. He is being absolutely horrid

mathanxiety Thu 01-Mar-18 23:36:53

You need a solicitor asap.

He can't throw you out. Either he has to buy you out or the house has to be sold and you get half the proceeds. Stand your ground.
This is a great site that will tell you where you stand. There is a lot of information here.

Register your home rights
How do I register my matrimonial home rights?

There are different procedures for registered and unregistered property when applying to register home rights.

Registered property means the Land Registry holds a register of the property which includes details such as who owns the property. You can see the register by requesting official copies. To check whether you own the property you should contact the Land Registry and ask to see the official copy for the property.

Unregistered property means details of the property are not held in a register by the Land Registry, but kept in separate documents. These documents are called title deeds. The title deeds will show who owns the property. Title deeds will normally be held by your mortgage provider. If you do not have a mortgage the title deeds should be with an owner or may be held by a solicitor.

Most properties today are registered. You can check with the Land Registry to see if your family home is registered.

If the family home is registered:

If the family home is registered, you can register your home rights by completing the form: notice of home rights: application (HR1) and sending this to the Land Registry. At the time this guide was written, there is no fee for this application. However, you should contact the Land Registry for the latest information on fees. If there is no fee then you can enter £0.00 or “no fee” in the box on the form that asks you for the fee.

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