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AIBU?

Partner watching phone with headphones on.

12 replies

Cbeebiesgurl · 25/02/2018 19:29

So we have 2 youngish children. We both like to have a look on our phone when they are entertaining themselves. But AIBU to be annoyed when I look over and my partner is watching something with headphones in for like 20 mins (before I said something). Its been happening every couple of days for a few weeks but i have tried to let it go. This is while we are all sitting in the lounge together. With me responding to play requests, questions and complaints from the children about every 30 seconds. And do we really want to set that example? Don't really want my kids doing that when they're teens.

OP posts:

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troodiedoo · 25/02/2018 19:31

You should both put your phones away.

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Cbeebiesgurl · 25/02/2018 19:39

Yeah I can see your point. I think another thing that bothers me is that when I'm looking at my phone it's always things for the family. Like finding a recipe for tea or earlier I was checking to see if forest school was on. I don’t do very much social media or texting. But my partner is always looking at things for his personal hobby, twitter, news etc. Not trying to defend myself I genuinely want other perspectives.

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BackforGood · 25/02/2018 19:40

eed a whole lot more context.
Things like ages of children.
Time of day
How often etc etc
As - children don't need 'entertaining' all the time and adults should be able to watch their own choice of TV / film / sport / etc
It doesn't take 2 adults to answer the question. However, there should be a 'fairness' to both parents having their own down time.
I don't have a problem with my dc knowing that sometimes either Dad or Mum is doing something for themselves.
OTOH - if you have gone round to visit someone, then, equally, he should be able to watch what he needs later (unless it is a live sports thing).
There are just too many "it depends" in your scenario for us to give you a straight answer.

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troodiedoo · 25/02/2018 19:44

I know what you mean. I'm not being sanctimonious. I'm on my phone way too much in front of baby dd and I really want to stop.

But the only way you're going to make progress is if you have rules that apply to both of you.

As an aside he must have looked a bit of a tit.

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Cbeebiesgurl · 25/02/2018 19:54

Kids are 6 and 3. No he definitely wouldn't do it if we were visiting someone or had guests. I just thought about myself popping in headphones to watch something in the same context and it is completely laughable. I guess I am very much the "go to" parent and manager of all situations. If I say go to have a shower I always tell my partner like you might do as an employee if you were taking a break. Maybe that's the real problem. Also when I calmly tried to point out that it was a bit rude he tried to make me feel unreasonable. I don't know if maybe I am. I know I somehow find it extremely infuriating though!

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EyeDrops · 25/02/2018 20:31

I think there's a huge difference between scrolling social media (whilst still being 'present' to chat and play with the kids as well) and plugging yourself in with earphones to watch something (which shuts you off completely). How would he react if one of the children wanted his attention or interrupted? Would he even notice? That, to me, is what makes that not ok.

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AboutAGallonofDietCoke · 25/02/2018 20:53

Is it hardcore porn he's watching?

If not then why is this an issue?

FFS REALLY?

Take the opportunity to get you're revenge and watch your favourite programme with your earphones in.

Live a little

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AboutAGallonofDietCoke · 25/02/2018 20:55

Study shows kids whose child parents watch telly for 20 minutes turn out to be serial killers...

Or not

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BackforGood · 25/02/2018 22:20

Well, I'm not seeing an issue with a parent choosing to spend some of their down time watching something that catches their interest whilst children play.
Even if you hadn't been in the room, at 3 and 6 they were perfectly capable of tugging his sleeve or something if they needed something.
I really can't see the issue here.

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Garmadonsmum · 25/02/2018 22:29

Well he's effectively blocking them out isn't he, it's like a massive do not disturb sign.

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DalekDalekDalek · 25/02/2018 22:30

Better he uses headphones than make you listen to it as well!
Is this really an issue? Do you need his attention every second of the day?

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Cbeebiesgurl · 25/02/2018 22:53

Hmmm mixed reviews here. I don't mind him doing his hobbies and he goes out to lots of sports events etc. Im certainly not controlling and enjoy alone time when he's out. This has just been really annoying me. It sorta felt like he was an overgrown teenager. I think I might just be annoyed with him generally atm and feel like I'm doing the lion's share.