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DD allergic to cats, ex won’t put cat out

(59 Posts)
AngelL7 Sun 25-Feb-18 19:21:49

I don’t know where to turn, I was hoping that anyone could offer advice or if anyone encountered similar.

My DD is 6, she has severe asthma & eczema. She has started to come back from ex’s house with swollen eyes, oozing puss and wheezing. The first time she was delivered back to me like this ex pretended he could not see her eyes were swollen and making out I was being over dramatic (literally the size of golf balls & crusting over with green puss)

DD was able to identify herself that it was after coming into contact with said cat and told me that my ex had been giving her antihistamines to try & remedy this (I was never made aware she was given medicine or suffering from allergies when down there, but it comes to light this had been happening for over a year) Had to take her to GP for creams, drops & antihistamines. GP confirmed that it was allergies and advised to avoid contact with cats.

I politely told ex this and gp advised avoid contact with cats. He said he had now put cat outside & completely scrubbed house down. I also pointed out it was his responsibility to inform me of any medication given while in his care to avoid overdoses etc ...he told me he wasn’t obligated to tell me that because he asked a pharmacist and the pharmacist said it would be out of his system in 5 hours so it would be irrelevant because it would be more or less out of DD’s system by the time I got her back 😳🙄

So anyway after the next visit my DD is delivered to me in similar fashion as well as drowsy from antihistamines. Turns out cat was in the whole time so ex lied to me.

Again I asked ex to keep cat away, explaining my fears about asthma. It got heated and he said the pharmacist didn’t think DD is allergic to the cat at all and GP doesn’t know what they are talking about.

This now happens everytime DD come back to me, covered in hives, sore eyes and now today a really bad chest. It’s getting worse and I’m so afraid of a bad asthma attack. Antihistamines obviously aren’t working. I have begged & pleaded with ex but he won’t have it.

Desperate i spoke to my solicitor (we had a very bitter divorce but had been getting on much better of recent) and she advised to try and get a gp letter to confirm she has an allergy to cats which she would pass on to his solicitor if I really couldn’t get through to him. I’ve exhasuted all options I think. I went to GP but got different one - he wouldn’t give me a letter because I should be able to talk to ex husband with out it & he wouldn’t be getting involved. Although he confirmed that DD has an allergy to cat. (If I could get ex to understand I wouldn’t be in asking for a letter in the first place 🙄)

Solicitor said a court would take a dim view that we couldn’t sort out ourselves (and I agree) but if he won’t play ball what Can I do?

I’m at my wits end and exasperated - how can he put a bloody cat over DC’s health? AIBU?

Loraline Sun 25-Feb-18 19:28:09

Can you get a referral to an allergy specialist or afford a private appointment? They may do actual tests that you could get documented. That said it doesn't sound like it'll make a difference to him.

BarbarianMum Sun 25-Feb-18 19:29:04

Document everything. Write down times, dates. Take pictures of her eyes, the hives, video her wheezing, everything. Then cut contact and let the evil fucker take you to court. angry

Hippobottymus Sun 25-Feb-18 19:31:59

Unbelievable! I wouldn't actually be letting her go back until he sorted it out. Totally unfair on your daughter. He sounds very selfish.

brownelephant Sun 25-Feb-18 19:32:33

putting the cat out for the duration of the visit will not help.
dc's father needs to get rid of the cat and clean the home properly.

tbh I would try to see a gp for an allergy test.
and stop dc going there.
allergic asthma is very serious if left untreated, she is not safe in a house with a cat.

LittleOwl153 Sun 25-Feb-18 19:32:50

Request copies of her gp medical records, they will have recorded what she was brought in for - solicitor should be able to act on those.

EllieMe Sun 25-Feb-18 19:34:50

Why on earth is he prioritising a cat over his daughter's health? Just don't send her.No court will think you unreasonable.

IggyAce Sun 25-Feb-18 19:37:49

Your poor DD, does your ex actually realise she could worst case die because of an asthma attack caused by a cat. I don't think I could send her back and would insist on contact been in a public place or at a contact centre. He is a selfish twat.

LouHotel Sun 25-Feb-18 19:41:32

Have you been taking pictures?

I would say that at 8 years old your DD has body autonomy to want her health put at risk and if it were to go to court I cant see how the judge would not take that seriously.

Supermagicsmile Sun 25-Feb-18 19:42:39

Agree with above. Pics and videos of eyes/hives etc every time.

StylishDuck Sun 25-Feb-18 19:42:47

I don't know much about this kind of thing but surely you are legally entitled to stop contact if her health is in danger while she's with him. I can't imagine he would have a leg to stand on in court. I agree with documenting everything but I also wouldn't be sending her back at all until he's got rid of the cat and scrubbed the house from top to bottom. I cannot understand why he is prioritising a cat over his own child angry

BarbarianMum Sun 25-Feb-18 19:45:22

OPs dd is 6. I have a similar allergy to her but in my case to rabbits and horses. The grim truth is she may not survive another 2 years of this. My parents rehomed our rabbit the day after I was blue-lighted to hospital with a massive asthma attack age 3. 45 years later I am still dangerously allergic to them.

monkeysox Sun 25-Feb-18 19:47:50

Don't waste a specialist appointment.
She's allergic to cats therfore can't go near them.
Ffs it's not rocket science. If he still has a cat she cannot go there.
Putting animals out and hoovering is not enough. especially when your dd is reacting this badly.
He could visit gp with you.
He's a cunt hth

BarbarianMum Sun 25-Feb-18 19:49:41

I don't think it would be a waste to get this allergy officially confirmed- that will be critical if this goes to court. Just wouldn't continue contact in the meantime.

Woodenhillmum Sun 25-Feb-18 19:53:53

Don’t let her go again .This could be life threatening and putting the cat out makes very little difference. Visiting my in laws who found my sneezing wheezing hilarious ( I ended up in a and e and on steroid tablets) was bad enough a an adult .Dont put her through this .

Whocansay Sun 25-Feb-18 19:55:02

I would be giving SS a call. Surely this is neglect? I wouldn't let her anywhere near him. He cares more about the cat.

AngelL7 Sun 25-Feb-18 20:02:50

The reason he’s putting the cat over DD is because it’s his wife’s cat - guess who wears the trousers there.... I almost think she would have said no to think she was getting one over me, she’s antagonistic like that.

Yeah I was also under the impression that I could withhold contact if DC was in danger but solicitor warned me if I done that I would defo be in breach of a court order etc

Cbeebiesgurl Sun 25-Feb-18 20:03:07

How awful for your DD. I became allergic to cats at about 13 years old. We had two indoor cats and my parents weren't great with cleaning, washing bedding, hoovering that often. Anyway I suffered terribly. I loved the cats too and I guess at that age I didn't really challenge my family 's decisions. Looking back though, it massively impacted my health, mood, ability to study and I ended up wanting to be out all the time at friends' places. As an adult I also suffer in houses where the cats are mostly outside and can feel the symptoms coming on after about 5 mins of being in the home. Also, after leaving the house it still affects me for at least 24 hours. Hth and you can find a solution.

BarbarianMum Sun 25-Feb-18 20:07:14

Yes you would be in breech of the court order - but with good reason. Just make sure you've got the necessary evidence when you go back to court.

user1471459936 Sun 25-Feb-18 20:09:53

Would it make a difference if it was your daughter refusing to go to her father's?

Allthewaves Sun 25-Feb-18 20:12:38

Def look at getting private allergy testing.

In the short term - I'd take her to the gp and make sure she has good medication that works to minimise effects

SeniorRita Sun 25-Feb-18 20:15:05

Actually, the GP can only be guessing at what the allergy is, based on the information you gave. The actual allergy could be something else.

You need proper tests to show what is causing the allergy, and the results of that can be sent to the ex. So, ask for a referral or self-refer and have them done privately.

mehhh Sun 25-Feb-18 20:16:56

Definitely document pictures, videos, dates, times, messages etc

fourfuckssake4 Sun 25-Feb-18 20:36:28

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Babieseverywhere Sun 25-Feb-18 20:43:31

Usually the allergy is to the cat's saliva in the cat's fur. Alongside damp dusting and hoovering, the cat can be wiped down with cleaning wipes to remove the saliva. That should reduce the symptoms considerably. Getting a shedding blade brush and regular brushing of the cat can reduce the amount of loose hair around.

I also heard of a medicine the cat can take to alter the saliva to something which is less idea if this would work but worth a Google.

Good luck at the doctors, hope you get some answers soon.

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