AIBU to be upset even though I know it's what we should do?(7 Posts)
DH has two brothers that have split a house in two, one flat up and one down with a grannie/bachelor type flat out back. We currently live in our own flat with LO due April and flat lease up in June. One DBIL is moving into the bachelor pad to save money. The other DBIL is asking if we want to move into the downstairs flat once ours is up.
Our current 2BD flat is pretty basic (tiny kitchen as in 2.5m x 2.5m, shower only, no outside space, no parking, no pavements too congested to walk) but due to the area we're in just under £1000 a month with bills. If we move in with DBIL it will be reduced to £600 with no bills, if we move where we were originally looking at it will be £1200 with bills.
DBIL is 1BD is bigger overall than where we are now with a sort of open second bedroom between the living room and kitchen, one separate toilet, one main bathroom but no bath. It's likely we'd have to stay for two years with a new lease (DBIL would move if we didn't join them) so I'm thinking LO will struggle to sleep in this open second bedroom bit once older, plus the lack of bath would be annoying. I also just don't want to live so close to my DH family (DBIL, DSisIL x2DS), they're nice enough but I don't want to know their business you know? DH is very much for it because of the saving money part, especially as I won't be working for four months once LO arrives.
I do kind of know IBU because we would be saving a lot of money but it just feels like a forgone conclusion and I hate feeling trapped. Any alternate ways of looking at this would be appreciated or just a straightforward you muppet to make me see sense!!
Any chance of getting a standard 6 month lease and seeing how it goes? 2 years is a long time
I get where you're coming from. It's the fact that you don't feel like you've a choice? Try and forget what you think everyone else wants or thinks you should do and just do what is best for you.
You know saving money is a good idea but if you can afford a more expensive alternative and it'll make you happier then go for that. Money is just money and as long as you're not putting yourself in debt, do what makes you the happiest
@DeathStare I think the minimum would be a year so I'll ask DH about it, think the two years is because they'll get a discount of some sort. That's another worry, once you're in it will be difficult to move out!
@Treacletoots That's exactly it! We can afford the more expensive place but if I were to lose my job for some reason we couldn't afford it just on DH salary.
The DBIL moving into the granny annexe is a bit of a male chauvinist as well which puts me off. One example, previously DH and I were with him watching a football game on tv one of his friends turn up and I'm asked to leave. Not sure I want to live so close to that!
You may need to set some boundary rules before you move in with both DH and BIL .
It's your home and you want your privacy too . £600 a month saving on rent alone over 2 years is a lot of money and not an opportunity you can miss without having a serious discussion with DH.
It's a lot of money to save towards a new place - but I do understand your reluctance. Family can be very smothering, but I do agree that you need to set boundaries if you go for it.
Thing is as well though, you might be grateful for some help once the baby arrives - unless you really don't get on with SIL, that is? If you don't then it's probably another black mark against the idea.
What I suggest you do is sit down and write a pros and cons list, honestly and fairly, and see how it weighs up. If it's heavily on one side or the other, then I think you should be able to make a decision despite your feelings - but if it's pretty evenly matched, then it will be harder.
Hope your DP takes your reservations on board properly. And don't EVER let him make you leave the room so he and his brother and buddies can watch football, how very fucking rude!
Thank you both @mumgointhroughtortur
To be fair I don't know DSisIL all that well so I can't say either way with regards to help with baby. It's a good point though I hadn't thought of that. They are about 20 years older than DH and I so take more of a MIL/FIL role.
Don't worry DH knows DBIL is out of order and comes with me if things like that happen, DBIL friends are just as bad they wait outside until I leave the room to come in I mean what the hell, it's not like I'm infectious or something!
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