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To introduce you to this brilliant poem by Brian Bilston about the Daily Mail?

(33 Posts)
AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Sun 25-Feb-18 15:58:42

How Much I Dislike The ^Daily Mail^

I would rather
eat Quavers that are six weeks stale,
tie up the man bun of Gareth Bale,
listen to the songs of Jimmy Nail,
than read one page of the Daily Mail.

If I were bored
in a waiting room in Perivale,
on a twelve-hour trip on Network Rail,
halfway through a circumnavigational sail,
I would not read the Daily Mail.

I would happily read
the complete works of Peter Mayle,
the autobiography of Dan Quayle,
selected scripts from Emmerdale,
if it meant I didn't have to read the Daily Mail.

Far better to
stand outside in a storm of hail,
be blown out to sea in a powerful gale,
then be swallowed by a humpback whale,
than have to read the Daily Mail.

If I were blind
and it was the only thing in Braille,
I still would not read the Daily Mail.

Moussemoose Sun 25-Feb-18 16:02:10

My sentiments exactly smile

Worldsworstcook Sun 25-Feb-18 16:03:17

Poet deserves a knighthood for services to us DM haters

yawning801 Sun 25-Feb-18 16:03:40


DalekDalekDalek Sun 25-Feb-18 16:05:46

<cue raucous clapping>


ScrumpyBetty Sun 25-Feb-18 16:07:33

Mmm....quavers! (Misses point of thread)

HeadOnMyPillow Sun 25-Feb-18 16:08:33

That's some first-rate virtue-signalling. If only the extremely frequent citation of the Mail on MN didn't prove that it's very widely read on here indeed grin. NB Even "hate-reading" still generates clicks and revenues for the thing you dislike!

DGRossetti Sun 25-Feb-18 16:13:57

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Sun 25-Feb-18 16:20:15

DGRossetti that's brilliant! grin

GreenySho Sun 25-Feb-18 16:21:47

Pretty much the only paper calling out trans double think atm

WorraLiberty Sun 25-Feb-18 16:35:28

Sounds like he protests too much. There are plenty of shit filled tabloids. The DM is just one of many.

Livelounge Sun 25-Feb-18 16:41:32


DiseasesOfTheSheep Sun 25-Feb-18 17:01:54

I am amused by the poem, but I do think the OP is rather presumptuous in her "introduction" wink

Moussemoose Sun 25-Feb-18 17:07:57

The DM isn't just one of many its hypocrisy is mammoth.

This is the paper that supported Hitler yet it wraps itself in British values.

Can't see what virtues are being signalled. Is not reading the DM a virtue? I though it was a choice, a choice I agree with, but not a virtue.

KC225 Sun 25-Feb-18 17:11:12

Yawn yawn yawn

What an easy target

LassWiADelicateAir Sun 25-Feb-18 17:15:48

That's some first-rate virtue-signalling

With a soupçon of snobbery too. (Emmerdale - Peter Mayle shudder , how awful)

NaughtToThreeSadOnions Sun 25-Feb-18 17:19:08

I love the dan and dan song I was going to link it but DG beat me to it

AgathaMystery Sun 25-Feb-18 17:20:02

I love him. My copy of his latest book is almost falling apart already.

MsJuniper Sun 25-Feb-18 17:57:11

I know Dan & Dan <proud>

ForalltheSaints Sun 25-Feb-18 18:22:55

Jimmy Nail would no doubtless be offended by this!

Badbadtromance Sun 25-Feb-18 18:38:31


bridgetoc Sun 25-Feb-18 18:41:52

I'm sorry but that poem is shit, and no..... I don't read The Mail.

buttonz Sun 25-Feb-18 18:44:30

Awful poem... as smug as his target.

Moussemoose Sun 25-Feb-18 19:55:06

But what 'virtue' is being singled?

I don't like the DM - but I am quite aware that is not a virtue. I thought the comments about Emmerdale etc were self aware mockery, esp the Peter Mayle comment. I know I am being a snob and in that lies the humour.

What are you trying to imply by saying 'virtue signalling' - in this context it makes no sense. It is a comment thrown at every liberal but it has to have a virtue to make it relevant.

Andrewofgg Sun 25-Feb-18 20:09:31

Moussemoose There are enough reasons to loathe the DM of today without bringing in what long-dead journalists wrote in it eighty years ago.

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