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AIBU Husband vs Wife - 1 working, 1 SAHP

(140 Posts)
StuntPineapple Sun 25-Feb-18 15:02:57

Please settle something for me and the husband.

One of us is a stay at home parent of a 2.5yr old and the second is a full time employee working 50+ hours a week.

Is the money earned

1. The earnees
2. The SAHP
3. Family money with all decisions of what it is to be spent on made jointly and fairly between the two.

Also if the working parent was to earn a bonus would that bonus be

4. Solely the earnees
5. Solely the SAHP
6. Family money with all decisions of what it is to be spent on made jointly between the two with an emphasis on a couple of treats for the earnee

Thoughts?

PuntasticUsername Sun 25-Feb-18 15:04:25

3 and 6

MsAwesomeDragon Sun 25-Feb-18 15:04:45

All family money imo

seven201 Sun 25-Feb-18 15:04:58

3 and 6

6 may depend on whether the sahp chose solely by themselves to be Sahp or whether it was a joint decision (6).

HeddaGarbled Sun 25-Feb-18 15:05:19

3 including the bonus.

Trinity66 Sun 25-Feb-18 15:05:49

I think if a couple is arguing about than both should be working

swingofthings Sun 25-Feb-18 15:06:00

I would say 3 and 6, unless it was the SAHP only to be a SAHP when the earnee would actually prefer if the SAHP was working too. In that instance, it brings other dynamics to the question.

Prestonsflowers Sun 25-Feb-18 15:06:01

3 & 6

Amanduh Sun 25-Feb-18 15:06:01

I’d say all is family including the bonus BUT wouldn’t mind if the employee spent the bonus on themselves if wasn’t an absolute fortune

Waddlelikeapenguin Sun 25-Feb-18 15:06:21

3 & 6

Trinity66 Sun 25-Feb-18 15:06:26

Arguing about it*

DeathStare Sun 25-Feb-18 15:06:37

3 & 6

They couldn't work 50+ hours per week if someone else wasn't prepared to stay at home and look after their children.

I speak as a working parent, if that's relevant

algor Sun 25-Feb-18 15:07:03

I was a sahm for 11 years, 3 and 6 applied for us. I now work part time and 3 and 6 still apply with both salaries and any other cash except that given as a birthday gift.

raisedbyguineapigs Sun 25-Feb-18 15:07:03

I think if it's anything other than 3, they need to stop being a SAHP, and 6 needs to be family money with a couple of treats for both.

overmydeadbody Sun 25-Feb-18 15:07:29

It's all family money

The working parent benefits from the stay at home parent and vice versa.

mineallmine Sun 25-Feb-18 15:07:37

3 and 6 without a doubt.

thetallesttree Sun 25-Feb-18 15:09:18

Yup, three and six.

Merryoldgoat Sun 25-Feb-18 15:09:57

3 & 6 although I think that it might be nice for the working parent to take SOME of the bonus for a treat, depending on how much it was.

I got a small bonus (£200) in the summer and bought myself a computer game (discussed with DH) and the rest was family money.

JoJoSM2 Sun 25-Feb-18 15:10:01

3 with bonuses being family money too rather treat money for obecnie person.

arethereanyleftatall Sun 25-Feb-18 15:10:06

Assuming it was a mutual decision that one parent works and one is a sahp, and still is, then 3 & 6.

If one party is upset with the current arrangement, then the solution might've to swap or both work with childcare.

NotUmbongoUnchained Sun 25-Feb-18 15:10:06

We have separate finances.
My husband was a stay at home parent for 6 months with our son, but he wouldn’t have done that if he couldn’t afford to. He had put away money to do this.

steff13 Sun 25-Feb-18 15:10:09

I’d say all is family including the bonus BUT wouldn’t mind if the employee spent the bonus on themselves if wasn’t an absolute fortune.

This is exactly how I feel. Maybe not the whole bonus.

They couldn't work 50+ hours per week if someone else wasn't prepared to stay at home and look after their children.

Or, the other parent couldn't stay home with the children if the employed parent wasn't working 50 hour weeks.

Albertschair Sun 25-Feb-18 15:13:48

3..... And then it depends upon what the bonus is for.

So some places have a yearly bonus that is essentially part of the pay packet (mine is like this) in which case family money. But if a reward for works done well.... that belongs to the worker. But I'd expect some of it to be spent on treats for the whole family

YellowMakesMeSmile Sun 25-Feb-18 15:14:44

I and 4. If the working pary actually wanted a stay at home parent there wouldn't be any arguments about money so I suspect they didn't and the other made the decision for themselves.

The person doing all the hard work for the bonus should decide what it's spent on. They don't need a parent at home to be able to work, they could just find childcare. I'd be very hmm if DH said I could only do my job if he stayed home as it would imply I can't function without another adult holding my hand.

Arapaima Sun 25-Feb-18 15:15:09

3 & 6

I was a SAHM when the DC were little and that’s how it worked for us.

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