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FFS! DP wanting to go out and see his friend. AIBU?

(68 Posts)
Imnotposhjustquaint Sun 25-Feb-18 09:51:44

It’s the weekend and we have DSD, 7 (whom we haven’t had for 3 weeks due to sickness bugs etc, we usually have her every weekend) and DD, 4.

DP was busy yesterday, he’s a farmer and was bringing back sheep ready for lambing. We helped him for the first half of the day, the kids were really good etc so I took them to a play park for an hour or two for the second part of the day as a bit of a treat, DP didn’t come with us as he was still busy.

Today I mentioned that there was a zoo nearby doing cheap entry over the winter months and that maybe it would be nice to takes the DC’s one weekend. He didn’t seem very interested or even like he’d really listened.

He wants to go to his friend’s house today to ask him for some advice regarding the farm. Thats fine, I have no problem with that until he says that he wants me and the kids to come too.

I wouldn’t mind but we’ve done this several times before, DP and his friend sit and talk Farm bollocks for about 3 hours while I try and keep two young, bored kids entertained.

I suggested that he goes on his own and then he doesn’t have the kids interrupting every 5 minutes and showing off, misbehaving because they’re bored. He said that I never want to go anywhere with him and that I always make excuses up not to go anywhere blah blah blah. Funny that literally minutes before I’d suggested a nice day out seeing as though we have months of being so busy that we won’t be able to do anything coming up next it’s calving and lambing.

AIBU? He says his friend would love to see the kids but he’s never really been that bothered with them or interacted with them much when we’ve been before.

I just feel like he wants to go and see his friend while I have to try and occupy them. It would be different if the boot was on the other foot and I wanted to go and see my friend and he had to look after them.

I’m probably being petty but could think of other things I could do today with them.

Slartybartfast Sun 25-Feb-18 09:52:58

can you do both? make the visit quicker, by taking the kids wink and then on to the zoo?

Justanotherzombie Sun 25-Feb-18 09:54:47

Just tell him that you'd love to go places with him that are suitable for the children. His friends place, where you all have to sit and wait for them to have their adult conversations for hours is not suitable. Tell him to come up with somewhere the kids want to be and you'll all happily go.

He's kind of stupid not to get it, no?

liquidrevolution Sun 25-Feb-18 09:55:04

Send him on his own with the kids. He won't suggest it again...

Imnotposhjustquaint Sun 25-Feb-18 09:55:29

I wasn’t suggesting going to the zoo today ... I thought maybe next weekend but it’s a nice day and would’ve liked to have gone for a walk with them or something, DSD has to go home at 2:30 today as well so we wouldn’t have long at the zoo.

Oh DP and his friend don’t do quick!! They will sit and talk for hours! Whether the kids are there or not.

Imnotposhjustquaint Sun 25-Feb-18 09:57:31

I did suggest that he went with both the kids by himself, he wasn’t best suited to tha suggestion, obviously wants me there as the bloody chaperone.

I did say that too him and told him he’s being unreasonable to expect them to go there and so while he tries to have a conversation.

TellsEveryoneRealFacts Sun 25-Feb-18 09:57:53

Why is he wasting time with his friend when he hasn't seen his daughter for 3 weeks?

runningoutofjuice Sun 25-Feb-18 09:58:06

He takes the children to his friend's and you have a lovely day on your own doing something for you. You've suggested the zoo, he's suggested his friend's so an impasse. Dsd is his responsibility and dd might as well go with him as well. Just make sure you leave the house first, you don't want to get lumbered if he sneaks off grin

runningoutofjuice Sun 25-Feb-18 09:58:41

Lol, too slow...

Partypopper123 Sun 25-Feb-18 09:58:42

I second the suggestion of him going on his own with the kids if his friend 'loves seeing them' so much.

Imnotposhjustquaint Sun 25-Feb-18 09:59:18

Plus you’d think that after not seeing DSD for three weeks that he’d want to do something nice with her, not sit and ignore her while he gasses to his mate

Imnotposhjustquaint Sun 25-Feb-18 10:00:29

I don’t mind having the DC’s at all, I’d rather they were with me and having a nice time than with him and bored out of their minds. I just don’t think it’s fair on them.

SparklyMagpie Sun 25-Feb-18 10:01:15

Is this the "DP" who wanted you to take his daughter to a party your child was going to when she hadn't been invited ?

runningoutofjuice Sun 25-Feb-18 10:02:09

Just tell him to get his arse in gear as he's only got 4 and a half hours to get to his friend, chat for 3 hours, then get dsd back for 2.30.

SideOrderofSprouts Sun 25-Feb-18 10:02:23

Yes this is that ‘dp’ about the party isn’t it

OP why on earth are you with this man child?

Helsingborg Sun 25-Feb-18 10:08:38

Tell him to phone his mate to ask his questions and then you're all going out for Sunday lunch. Find a nice family friendly pub/restaurant where the kids can play & you two can eat and chat.

Geoff1969 Sun 25-Feb-18 10:08:59

Why can't he see his friend after 2:30 and spend time with his daughter till then?

Missingstreetlife Sun 25-Feb-18 10:10:01

Can't the friend visit you, today or another time, then kids in own normal environment, can go out later, climb all over friend and interrupt conversation while you have a bath or go out or whatever.

GnotherGnu Sun 25-Feb-18 10:10:18

Why can't he phone his friend for advice? I struggle to think what advice he needs that would take three hours to give. If the reality is that he just wants to talk farming, he really should be capable of acknowledging that that will be very boring for everyone else.

Helsingborg Sun 25-Feb-18 10:12:35

That's why telephones were invented so people can have conversations without needing to see each other.

Put your foot down, say it's family time today and you're all going out for lunch. If he really wants to see his boyfriend then he can see him after dsd has gone home.

Lovemusic33 Sun 25-Feb-18 10:13:05

He hasn’t seen his daughter for 3 weeks, he offloaded her into you for part of yesterday and now he wants to do the same today whilst he visits his friend? He sounds like a great dad hmm

FranticallyPeaceful Sun 25-Feb-18 10:13:14

id just tell him it isn’t suitable for kids. Expecting kids to sit still for hours whilst he talks to a friend is unrealistic. Say he’s more than invited, it would make the day better if he was there, but you understand if he isn’t. Then that’s that

Slartybartfast Sun 25-Feb-18 10:16:28

no it is not fair and i can't imagine the mother of your dsd would be happy with that scenario either

MsGameandWatching Sun 25-Feb-18 10:17:23

"No we are not doing that, we are going to the zoo, you should come too seeing as you haven't seen your daughter for three weeks, see you later"


SparklyMagpie Sun 25-Feb-18 10:21:42

Does he actually want to spend any time with his daughter?

Sounds like he's always wanting to do something else rather than spending quality time with her. Poor kid

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