Leaving

[GuttedAndNameChanged]

I am considering leaving my husband.

We don't have any savings, in fact we are in about 10K of debt.

How do I leave without a penny to my name?

I don't even know how I'd get anywhere to live!

[GuttedAndNameChanged]

[Motherlucker]

Hope you're ok.

Does your husband know you feel this way? If you're safe and your relationship has irretrievably broken down then you're probably best off asking your husband to leave. It will make selling your house easier if you're in possession of the house. Do you have children?

[Motherlucker]

If that's not an option, do you have family or friends you can stay with? Do you receive an income?

[GuttedAndNameChanged]

Hi motherlucker.
We don't own our home, we rent.
We have 1 DS and I do work.
No family or friends (he has parents but he won't go to them for the sake of his ego!)
I am safe, he's not abusive.
I've tried talking to him. His behaviour hasn't changed and I am just not willing to tolerate it anymore.

[GuttedAndNameChanged]

I'm not ok tbh, I feel like I've backed myself into a corner with the finances and now I'm stuck.

I am so unhappy.

[Backscratchesforever]

I would tell him it is over and request he leave in exchange for you taking over the house and costs. But then it depends really on the shared care of DS. Will he be with you most of the time or your soon to be ex?

[GuttedAndNameChanged]

DS would be pretty much 50/50 with us. He's at school when we're at work so one of us has always dropped off and the other picked up which will be a pain now.

I don't think DH would want to move out just because he's got such pride and moving into his parents is too much for him to contemplate.
He will really think I'm being dramatic and push on and on that I'm being silly.

I feel like I've failed. Divorce is not something I ever thought would be an option, like I never even considered it as a possibility. I am heart broken.

[Motherlucker]

Sorry to hear you're not ok. Maybe put in a phone call to someone irl so that you can get some support. Has something happened to trigger this or have you fallen out of love?

Don't worry too much about the £10k debt (provided it's manageable). You can continue to make the repayments without being together.

Someone will be along with better advice than me.

Could you speak to his parents?

[GuttedAndNameChanged]

I guess I've fallen out of love but we're such different people and we married so young. He can be a massive pain - the 'usual' doesn't help with housework, late nights out nonsense. I'm just tired of living with it all.

I don't really have anyone to talk to irl, there is a close friend but she's going through something quite serious herself so I don't want to be dumping my stuff on her at a time like this. My parents aren't around anymore and no siblings.

I suppose could talk to his parents but there so reserved that they'd be difficult to have a conversation with about it. Emotions especially failure / weakness aren't shown in their house.

[GuttedAndNameChanged]

He came home after an 11 hour bender today and tried to climb in bed between me and our DS who were both asleep.
He is now asleep on the sofa. 😡

[Motherlucker]

I meant talk to his parents to explain you're splitting up and why. It might help him realise you're serious.

I have no experience of this I'm afraid but maybe call a women's charity to ask for advice. It must be very common to leave your partner with no money behind you.

[GuttedAndNameChanged]

Thank-you motherlucker.
I'm going to do a bit of research today.