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My mum refusing to talk to me because she lost my son

(525 Posts)
FindingEmo Sat 24-Feb-18 17:44:36

I've gone to visit my parents this week (although they only live 30 mins away but our house is being renovated so they thought it might be nice).. We are staying in their spare room. I have 3 ds aged 4, 2 & 6months. My dh had to head home today as he has to work tomorrow. My dad likes things orderly and with 3 young children around things have been a bit chaotic. Anyway my dm said she would take 2 older dc to the park to burn off some energy, there's a footpath that runs along side it then up over a hill so df said he'd walk with them and the take the dogs over the hill. When they reached the park ds1 (4) tried to carry on with df. He followed quite far until df said no go back to your nan. He the went off on his walk. Ds didn't go back to his nan he waited for a bit then tried to follow df. Apparently ds was 'missing' for about 20 mins until dm found him. She bought him back to her house in tears, refused to tell me what happened and went to bed. I finally got the story out of her but she's refused to come downstairs. I'm now cooking tea and trying to juggle 3 tired dc as DF is still out. I feel like I'm being punished for my parents losing my son. (for balance I normally get on really well with my parents, I speak to them most days, always go to them for advise, they baby sit a lot for us etc). AIBU to be pissed off.

SoupyNorman Sat 24-Feb-18 17:46:43

Your mother sounds like she got an awful fright while she was trying to do you a favour. Cut her some slack.

FranticallyPeaceful Sat 24-Feb-18 17:46:58

She’s likely extremely upset. It’s a really traumatic experience losing a child, even for a short time - 20 minutes would feel like a LIFE TIME.

Give her space, her head must be a mess.

Teenytinyvoice Sat 24-Feb-18 17:47:05

Maybe she’s in shock? You know her best, is sulk or shock more likely?

Is she peed off with your dad for leaving her with the 2 kids?

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Sat 24-Feb-18 17:47:28

She's probably really upset, and tbf I'd say it was your dad rather than her that lost him, you can't trust a 4yo to find their way back to someone unless it was 100 yards in a straight line across a field or something. Go and reassure her you're not angry, you'd rather they be able to talk to you about things.

InfiniteSheldon Sat 24-Feb-18 17:47:42

I think you are really, she's tired got a house full tried to be nice and your son was very naughty. I'd be apologising and making him apologise too.

WinkyisbackontheButterBeer Sat 24-Feb-18 17:48:05

It sounds like your mum needs a big hug.

Teenytinyvoice Sat 24-Feb-18 17:48:08

Why did your dad trust a 4 year old to go back to a person out of sight?

Thistlebelle Sat 24-Feb-18 17:48:11

She’s upset and embarrassed. She probably feels terrible and isn’t handling it well.

YNBU to be upset about it but perhaps next time you need to go too if your parents can’t handle them alone.

As for the “cooking tea and juggling 3 kids” hmm Isn’t that just life?

squiglet111 Sat 24-Feb-18 17:48:44

Seems like she got an arwful shock and is very upset about it. Imagine them 20 minutes when she was frantically trying to find him and everything that must have been going through her friend. Leave her to it for a bit. I don't think she's purposely ignoring you

NerNerNerNerBATMAN Sat 24-Feb-18 17:48:51

YANBU!!!!! How ridiculous! Your DF was way out of line for not checking your son was safely back with DM before waltzing off. Your DM is being a martyr about it.

I'd pack up and go home, leave them to their sulking.

BubblesPip Sat 24-Feb-18 17:49:19

Oh blimey, I imagine your mum is in bits! She must have been terrified. Let her get over it and try not to be angry with her, she can obviously usually be trusted if she babysits a lot

KingLooieCatz Sat 24-Feb-18 17:49:39

YANBU. Kindest interpretation I can think of is that she knows your DF's behaviour was unacceptable, perhaps aware that she should have done more to ensure your DS's safety, aware that you may find it hard to trust them with the DC in future and she just can't deal with it or face you.

I'd be raging, but then I can't imagine either set of GP's being so crap.

Couchpotato3 Sat 24-Feb-18 17:49:46

She is probably very upset and can't face dealing with the children again today. If you normally get on well, I think this will blow over. No point in you getting angry now. Maybe have a word with your Dad when everything is calm and remind him that a 4 year old can't be trusted to find their own way back alone.

squiglet111 Sat 24-Feb-18 17:49:58

Head not friend... Damn auto correct

NancyJoan Sat 24-Feb-18 17:50:00

She’s probably horrified, and angry with your Dad. Once you’ve got the kids sorted, make her a cup of tea and knock on the bedroom door.

ShiftyMcGifty Sat 24-Feb-18 17:50:22

I’d be fucked off. You don’t take yourself to bed when you’ve lost someone else’s child, whether you’re shook up or not.

Leave and tell her when she’s ready to apologise and explain, you’re ready to listen with an open heart. Everyone makes mistakes but how you handle them is key. She’s not handling her mistake well.

BrutusMcDogface Sat 24-Feb-18 17:50:26

Your poor mum, she must be feeling terrible right now. It was your dad's fault in my opinion, as he should have taken your son back to his nan.

FranticallyPeaceful Sat 24-Feb-18 17:50:38

“As for the “cooking tea and juggling 3 kids” hmm Isn’t that just life?”

I was thinking the same thing hmm most parents just do that as part of normal every day life. It isn’t her job to look after your kids whilst you cook.

squiglet111 Sat 24-Feb-18 17:51:02

It's more your df at fault. She's probably angry with him

TheNoseyProject Sat 24-Feb-18 17:51:11

I don’t understand these responses. Both of your parents should be mortified and reflecting on what happened. Your dad’s obliviousness and your mum’s behaviour are both really weird.

ilovekitkats Sat 24-Feb-18 17:51:21

Your poor mum. Your dad was at fault here for not taking DS back to your mum. She wouldn’t have known he wasn’t with him. She would have been frightened to death once she realised he was missing. She’s probably angry with your dad too.

Couchpotato3 Sat 24-Feb-18 17:51:25

Another thought - maybe your Mum is re-evaluating whether she can cope with the kids in future - I'd be kind, or your babysitting service might evaporate.

Passmethecrisps Sat 24-Feb-18 17:51:29

I think she will be beyond herself. I can see why you feel put out though.

I think your dad was the one at fault really for sending him back alone. At 4 anything can be a distraction even if the child fully intends returning. My dd at 4 would have been scared to walk back alone as well so would probably just have stood still and cried. Or panicked and wandered in the wrong direction.

After dinner has been cooked maybe pop up and see her?

VimFuego101 Sat 24-Feb-18 17:51:33

I would be furious with your dad - it isn't your mum's fault. She's probably shaken up and in shock.

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