Unfair partner?

[gravy400]

OH keeps throwing it in my face that he works and I don't (I'm full time employed but I'm in my final month of nine months maternity leave).

Whenever we have a disagreement (usually to do with night feeds which I don't expect help with during the week - weekends I do but "he doesn't hear the baby" nor do my nudges work) he says "well maybe you should've gone to work". It's like he resents me.

I'm sure he thinks I sit and have cofffee all day and slob about 😠. It makes me feel SO worthless. If he had a problem with me being off work, he should've said this at the beginning??

[Ickyockycocky]

Please don’t feel worthless. He’s being very unpleasant, just to get his own way. Find your inner assertive you and stand up to him. He really is being unfair to you and is winning. 💐

[43percentburnt]

Suggest he takes the final three months off so he realises it's not a holiday. My Dh is at home ft and I can honestly say I have more of a rest in my stressful long hour job!

I also managed to bf twins overnight and work - many single parents do this too. It's not ideal and eventually dh took over all night wakings to break the cycle (at almost 2).

If you don't address this you will end up with a full time job and a second full time job managing the home and children.

[GrannyGrissle]

He sounds like a lovely supportive chap OP. You'll soon be back at work if you are in your final month of mat leave so he can stop whining and start doing 50% of the night feeds as well as everything else.

[Appuskidu]

he says "well maybe you should've gone to work". It's like he resents me.

Say-I will be going back to work. Full time-next month. Are you going to fucking help without whinging then?

Why is he being such an arse?

[ChasedByBees]

So it sounds like you’re going back to work next month. I assume he’s planning to do an equal share of all night feeds then?

Have you pointed out that you are working more hours than him if you do all night feeds and the care during the day?

He sounds pretty unpleasant.

[RingFence]

It's a tricky one. I've always done all night feeds, apart from the first couple of months when I was recovering from birth (we took shifts then).
It just seemed easier, as I was already in the routine and a lighter sleeper. He made up for it in the day at weekends, by taking baby out for a few hours so I could sleep. I always thought of nights as my responsibility, gruelling at times but part of my mat leave 'work'. When I returned to work I sleep trained, so feeds reduced to once or twice a night and by about 18 months she slept through.

[PaperdollCartoon]

What a tossed. Does he take responsibility for other parts of babies care and the night feeds are the only issue, or does he do none of it?

[JoJoSM2]

I'd say that amongst my friends it seems very common for the dad to do the 10.30pm feed whilst the mum is having and early night and getting sleep until the next feed. The mum does the other feeds so the dad can get some sleep and be able to work.

Although once you're full time, you'll probably share things 50:50 and resent each other less.

[CountFosco]

He is being an arse. But since you are in your final month of maternity judt keep repeating like a broken record 'well, if that's the case when I go back to work I expect you do start doing your share of childcare'. And consider going back FT so he can't do the 'I work more than you' speil. And if you go back FT it will be easier to leave him if he doesn't step up and do his share of the childcare.

[gamerwidow]

My DH and me took it turns on turns to get up at 430am for about 4 years because DD was such a awful sleeper. He needs to pull his weight now because it’s only going to get harder when you go back to work.

[BlondeB83]

Let him take the final 3 months of maternity and see how he gets on! X

[WTFIsThisVirus]

Your partner's being a dick (nicest word I could think of). Push him out the bed!

Also, everything Count said