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To want to move back to the uk

(201 Posts)
Huldas Sat 24-Feb-18 00:17:40

Have been in New Zealand many years, husband is a kiwi and kids were born here. My DDs are 7 and 10 now and I don't think the education system here compares to the uk. Standards for educational achievement are just not as high. Plus I want DDs to have a sense of their UK heritage. And I am very homesick. Dh has lived in the UK before, we could both get good jobs in the UK assuming we can get dh a visa (not easy when in 40s)
But- logistically is giant hassle to move back, I have no family in the UK at the moment, and right now it is just me who wants this. DH and DDs are quite happy here.
Would it be unreasonable to pursue this? Do my concerns re education/heritage have any actual grounds?
Any advice appreciated (including areas to move to- am originally from Devon, want to avoid London if poss.)

xkatie27x Sat 24-Feb-18 00:26:54

I would say that the quality of life is better in New Zealand. Could you visit the U.K. for heritage and maybe give them some extra learning at home for the U.K. syllabus or get a tutor?

HuskyMcClusky Sat 24-Feb-18 00:30:31

To be really honest: yes, I think YABU given that your kids were born there and the rest of the family want to stay. And you don’t even have family in the UK. AND you’re DH is a Kiwi so presumably he’ll feel homesick the other direction.

I am sure there are good schools in NZ, even if you have to go private.

I think you DH and kids will end up resenting you if you push this.

Sorry you’re feeling homesick. flowers

Worldsworstcook Sat 24-Feb-18 00:33:19

Uncle and aunt moved back many years ago. Put all their furniture on a cargo ship, sold house and business. She was homesick, he wasn't,

Within two weeks they realised they had made a mistake. Too late, they had nothing to go back to as their Kiwi life had been deconstructed.

Are you that unhappy there? If you have no family here I'd stay put. The uk educational system isn't wonderful, the education cuts are hideous and class sizes are smothering kids and teachers. I'd say it could be unrecognisable since you last used it.

The grass is not greener here on the other side OP

Yarboosucks Sat 24-Feb-18 00:34:03

We moved back to the UK after 20 years out in Europe. BIG mistake! Make sure you are not feeling nostalgic, because whatever you are homesick for is probably long gone!

SuperBeagle Sat 24-Feb-18 00:38:36

Yes, YABU.

You can't uproot your family because you want to move. Your daughters were born in New Zealand. They are Kiwis as much as their father is. You'd be incredibly unreasonable to make them move to the other side of the world when they're happy where they are.

Quality of education is, statistically-speaking, better in New Zealand than in the UK. NZ outperformed the UK in Math, Science and Literacy in 2016.

Quality of life is undoubtedly better in NZ. I'm Australian and there's zero chance I would move to the UK because I'd be trading a fantastic quality of life for a poorer one not to mention the shit weather, although Kiwis might adjust better to that

Archduke Sat 24-Feb-18 00:41:51

Have you all been back to the UK for holidays OP?

I think you need to spend some time there as a family before you uproot everyone from their familiar lives to somewhere that has no associations for any of you. Sadly it's not just about you and your feelings any more, your dh and children have a say in where they live too.

I emigrated to Oz with my Australian DH years ago, our children are both Aussies and whilst I love and miss the UK I do realise that my (lovely) English childhood is not one that I can replicate for my children.

However we are fortunate to go back every couple of years (still have lots of family and friends in the UK) so they and I get our fix of European history and culture.

It sucks hugely as you are essentially isolated but is the enormous cost (financially and emotionally) worth it? How do you know you and your dh will get good jobs? I have my suspicions that an Australian education isn't as great as an English one, but hey ho, lots of Aussies come out the other end with excellent degrees so I think I'm just being snobbish.

Munosamunos Sat 24-Feb-18 00:42:48

I would absolutely not move back until the Brexit impacts are more widely known. I personally think it will be dreadful and if I was on my own, I'd be making plans to leave here.

Mingmoo Sat 24-Feb-18 00:44:25

I did this last year (but moved from the UK to my home). I regretted it instantly. You think the idea of home matters a lot and things would be better for you there, but actually what matters is the life you're living now. I didn't want to let go of my homeland and settle down in the UK, but my children and my DH were happy. We had lots of friends. They were happy in their school and (looking back) thriving. A lot of the opportunities I thought they were missing were because I hadn't bothered to create them because I want to move instead. Place is so much less important than people, I've discovered.

Make a list of all the things you're concerned about and see if any of them are fixable while staying put. Commit to NZ for a year, properly and wholeheartedly, and see if it makes you happier. What do you mean by UK heritage? What can you share with your DCs where you are? Can you plan a decent holiday in the UK to do castles and stately homes and the wonders of nature? Why are you worried about their education? What do you think they won't be able to achieve where you are? What do you miss about home? What do you love about NZ?

We are moving back to the UK in the summer, with great relief and having finally answered the questions I always had about whether we'd be happier elsewhere. We aren't. We are lucky in that we can move back relatively easily. I'm glad we have had this experience because it will make us happier in the long run, but it's been incredibly tough and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

feelingfree17 Sat 24-Feb-18 00:50:45

We spent 8 years in NZ (2004 - 2012) We eventually made the move back as we were all missing family. Girls were 12 and 14. All the good state schools in our area were full so we decided to educate privately. The girls both adapted very well and love living in the Uk although the youngest hopes to return to NZ on her OE this year. It is a big decision to make especially as you are the only one wanting to do this and if their hearts aren't in it unfortunately you will have to carry a huge load. You may also want to consider that once old enough both DC may want to take off back home again leaving you here without any family around you at all. It is a tough one. Could you maybe have an extended holiday back to the UK. Happy for you to message me if you think I could help further.

Valentinesfart Sat 24-Feb-18 00:55:03

I emigrated to Oz with my Australian DH years ago, our children are both Aussies and whilst I love and miss the UK I do realise that my (lovely) English childhood is not one that I can replicate for my children

You couldn't replicate your childhood here anyway. it's not the 70s/80s/90s.

New Zealand and Australia both rank higher for attainment in science, reading and math btw

NotTheQueen Sat 24-Feb-18 00:58:10

I’ve lived in the U.K., Ireland, NZ and Australia for long periods, and even though I love the U.K., I think you’ve got the rose tinted glasses on and you’ve closed your mind and heart against NZ, preventing you from enjoying it.
From what I understand NCEA is a bit of a joke on one hand yet useful on another for helping low achieving students show potential employers what skills they have. I can understand why you might think it’s low standards but as PP has said, NZs rate of achievement is higher than the U.K. if you are really worried and finances permit, could you look at a school that does the baccalaureate?
Have you got a job you enjoy? Made friends? Where are you living?

WhoNoticedTheProblem Sat 24-Feb-18 01:00:01

YABU because you're seeing the UK through rose tinted glasses. Memories are not reality.
We left 10 years ago, in the last year I've had to do a few trips back, every single time it's confirmed to me not being in the UK is the right thing for us and the DC.

feellikeanalien Sat 24-Feb-18 01:02:48

We had to move back to the UK 3.5 years ago after living in Europe for 20 years.
Things have changed a lot and I'd think very carefully before coming back.
Do what other pps have said and visit first.
My DP hates it here but we had to come back for our DD who has SN.

There was a boy at my DDs school whose parents came back from Australia but after one winter in England they went back.

She also had a boy in her class whose family moved to New Zealand because they would have a better quality of life. Both parents were health professionals.

I do understand how you feel and I am glad to be back but mainly because I'm closer to family. However, if I'm honest I think you would find that the UK is very different to the one of your childhood.

OnlyAmy Sat 24-Feb-18 01:03:05

As a parent, you can and should supplement the children's education. Teachers must present material to a classroom full of children of all levels, and hope that most process and learn it. As a parent, you can spend the time, one on one, making sure they are getting all of the information you know will prepare them for further schooling, and life.

Riverside2 Sat 24-Feb-18 01:04:53

You want them to experience your heritage
It's not theirs, it's yours

I'd definitely visit before doing anything because it's a lot different than ten years ago.

Also wonder how money works out?

VimFuego101 Sat 24-Feb-18 01:08:16

When did you last go back? I moved away 8 years ago, I feel homesick every day but my holidays back to the UK are a bit of a reality check to be honest - crazy house prices, failing NHS and everything feels so cramped and tiny. It is really tough to switch children between education systems and cultures, so we just try and prioritize money for taking regular trips back instead of returning full time.

Teaguzzler Sat 24-Feb-18 01:08:41

I am a kiwi and have recently moved back home with my English husband and primary age daughters. I am also a primary school teacher so have recent experience of both education systems. I much prefer the NZ system for its skills based, wholistic approach, whereas I feel in the UK, the new curriculum is too narrow and focuses too much on testing and cramming knowledge at a young age.

Why do you feel the uk system is better? A quick google shows that nz is ranked higher than the uk for education in individual subjects and in 2017 nz was ranked top in the world for 'educating for the future'.

I really do feel for you as homesickness is something I am very familiar with and I know only too well how difficult it can be having your heart on the other side of the planet. Sadly for you, I really can't see how you can move back to the UK if you are the only one in your family who feels this way.

Huldas Sat 24-Feb-18 01:16:34

Thanks everyone, all your posts are very useful and are what I need to hear. It is hard to accept that I can't replicate my English childhood for my girls. I think all the posters above are right about spending some extended holiday time as a family in the UK and looking at ways to supplement the girls education here. I like the baccalaureate idea. I haven't been back to the uk for 10 years and am sure it has changed (was quite liveable last time I was there). I have been in NZ on and off since I was 5 and have never liked it! I am only here because of the importance of family.

Valentinesfart Sat 24-Feb-18 01:18:06

OP I get you are home sick but can you imagine how home sick your children will be if you move?

Freezing UK, no friends, the ten year old will be moving into secondary in a totally new (worse) school system. Terrible idea.

AjasLipstick Sat 24-Feb-18 01:19:14

Unless you can pay for private education, I wouldn't assume the UK system is better at all.

I say that as a Brit who has emigrated to Australia three years ago with my children. They attended school in the UK for 5 years and now in Oz. It's not much different.

Valentinesfart Sat 24-Feb-18 01:19:32

I think you should spend a winter here with children who can't go outside and are just moaning constantly.

VaguelyAware Sat 24-Feb-18 01:20:12

Could you afford to take an extended holiday here, every few years, to see old friends, go anywhere you want to go, etc? TBH I suspect you'd be better staying in NZ. House prices haves rocketed, NHS failing, Brexit consequences uncertain but it's looking increasingly like a royal farce. Fuel up, food prices way up. Job market is fairly difficult in many sectors.

Honestly, DH & I would love to emigrate but it's not practical for us.

Gennz18 Sat 24-Feb-18 01:23:02

You're not at all unreasonable to miss home but you are unreasonable to say the NZ education system doesn't stack up compared to the UK.

I'm a kiwi as is my DH & neither of us had any trouble securing good professional roles (magic circle law firm, multi national companies) when we lived in London.

Pixiedust2017 Sat 24-Feb-18 01:26:25

I am going against the grain here but I do not think YABU.
I have been in NZ only 3. 5 years now and have an 8 week old kiwi. I said to my partner from the get go I always wanted to move home as came here originally on a WH visa.
I have found it very tough and as time ticks on I am realising that I am more and more unlikely to be able to move back to Wales.
It is a big move and a tough decision as you don't want to regret it.
I am however not able to move in the next few years due to my career and so have decided that we will probably see how the UK is post brexit before making the final choice.
I guess we are lucky as if we do move our LO will not have started school yet.
I agree with PPs in that I would consider your children doing the IB.
I also find it helpful to remember that all countries have their pros and cons and that the UK seems to be getting worse from what I can see.
We did move here for a reason after all :-)

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