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Neighbour texted to tell us we are noisy - AIBU?

(98 Posts)
forevergrateful Fri 23-Feb-18 08:59:41

Yesterday around 5:30pm I was playing Land, Air and Sea with my daughter. She was playing, I was conducting (Ok, ok, i showed her how to do the jumping jacks - just one time, maybe two). About 6pm we got a text from my neighbour asking if we were doing any DIY in the house and if we could make sure it is not done too late. I had actually forgotten about the game and asked what time they heard noise as I could figure out what was going on. I thought it might be the kids jumping on the bed around bed time. My neighbours are 3 girls in their early to mid-twenties. She replied back saying it was different times of the day and it felt like it was coming through their wall and that they had heard it just before she texted me. At that point I was a bit miffed because at the risk of outing myself as the worst mum ever, I have to admit that my kids (DD 7 and DS 2) nearly always watch TV (I work from home and apart from school and activities, I can't to engage with them before 6pm) and I have to literally wage war to get them to do anything physical. Only recently had I started to get my daughter to do the moves to just dance and sometime my DS joins in. And that doesn’t last past 30 minutes anyway. DS is two and we have had some tantrums and throwing things on the floor but I am not going to be able to fix that overnight either. So basically what I am saying is that we are mostly ‘yellers’ not ‘bangers’ and the neighbor definitely said ‘banging’. I replied back to her saying that since we only hear them when they have friends over at the weekends I didn’t realize that our noise travelled on a daily basis and that we would keep it down. To which she replied that she was sorry we could hear them and that they would try not to be loud. But of course, after a night’s sleep I have had time to reflect but still at a loss as to how to proceed.

We live in a semi with wooden floors. Carpets, perhaps? Should I reserve Land, Air, Sea for Boxing Day? Can I play floor is lava today or should I just suck it and grow couch potatoes? What do you y'all do? I know the park is great for letting steam off but I hate the cold weather and I am not about to let the kids play in the street on their own like we did 20 years ago. Besides its too dark at 6pm. Are your kids all sitting down to play? No jumping except on special occasions? Is 30 mins a day too much?

PootlesLovelyHat Fri 23-Feb-18 09:05:47

Your neighbours live in a semi next to a house containing children, there will be noise. It's not like its music blaring out in the early hours.

I'd been inwardly miffed and continue as normal text back that you will only play sleeping lions from now on smile

LakieLady Fri 23-Feb-18 09:05:54

Carpets would make a big difference. If your wooden floors are the usual floorboards with a gap beneath, that gap acts like a speaker cabinet and the noise really travels.

But playing is a normal everyday activity, kids need to let off steam and if it's too dark or cold for them to play outside, they need to do it indoors. It was early in the evening and didn't go on for long, so I think your neighbours are bit cheeky tbh.

It might be better if they had their energetic play on their way home from school though. Could you bring them home via a park to have a run around?

Happened Fri 23-Feb-18 09:05:59

Carpets would probably help. Are your kids doing anything which involves tapping or scraping on walls? I know just a small tapping on one side can be really irritating on the other.

The thing that I used to always hear from next door was their child running up and down stairs. She was only 4 but sounded like a small elephant!

However they can't expect total silence during the day.

Bluedoglead Fri 23-Feb-18 09:08:21

Noisy jumping game on wooden floors? Eek.

Nikephorus Fri 23-Feb-18 09:10:12

Kids yelling is really very annoying when it goes on and on and on. It may be part and parcel of living next door to them but that doesn't make it nice. If you're all running round the park you won't be cold!

pasturesgreen Fri 23-Feb-18 09:15:08

To be fair, yelling and jumping indoors get irritating if they go on for a while. Carpets would definitely help. I realise it may not be possible, but would it be an option to take the DC to the park earlier in the day for an hour or so and make up the time once they're in bed?

apostropheuse Fri 23-Feb-18 09:16:41

It sounds as though you're making a hell of a noise. Jumping on wooden floors and yelling next door would drive me mad. YABU.

Oh, and they're women, not girls.

Foslady Fri 23-Feb-18 09:19:28

Yep - wooden floors will be the issue

Nannyplumssillyoldelf Fri 23-Feb-18 09:22:20

I just want to know how you manage to work all day with a 2 year old? I can't even wee without mine bugging me.

SandAndSea Fri 23-Feb-18 09:26:05

Having carpets would probably make all the difference.

Purplespup16 Fri 23-Feb-18 09:27:19

Do you have any radiators on the shared walls? They can bang/clang especially if there is a bit of air trapped. Also I thought my neighbour was banging at very odd times of the night and DH went into the loft to find we had mice in the loft. A few traps later (and a clean out of the loft) now there are no odd noises coming from the neighbour.

Can you go speak with your neighbour while you have someone play with your children? This will help you both figure out the causes. It may well be your children but it may not be.

Pandsbear Fri 23-Feb-18 09:28:17

Do your NDN not work? Surely they are all out and about for at least some of the daytime anyway? Even if on shifts etc? Or are they also working from home?
I think hearing some children’s noise is unavoidable if you share a party wall -regardless of how careful you are.

SmashedMug Fri 23-Feb-18 09:28:48

You hear them, they hear you. Hearing household noise is normal when you live in a terrace or semi. I'd look at getting carpets to take away a bit of the volume and banging but beyond that I wouldn't be worrying about it. I'm always glad when my neighbours are a little noisy because it means I get some sway with noise levels too grin

LipstickHandbagCoffee Fri 23-Feb-18 09:29:09

Yes you’re noisy,an adult and child leaping and yelping that’s noisy
Carpets will help the acoustics and decrease noise

MargaretCavendish Fri 23-Feb-18 09:29:13

I think you're taking this very over-personally. You said that this is an occasional thing, so you don't need to change your routine in response to this text - you apologised, she apologised for their noise, all is fine. She didn't know the game had stopped for the night when she texted, otherwise she probably wouldn't have done. Unless you were about to start playing this game nightly - which it doesn't sound like you were - then I don't think anyone really needs to 'do' anything here, and you should just forget it, and definitely not seethe over it!

Zaphodsotherhead Fri 23-Feb-18 09:29:36

I'd say carpets, but - they were complaining at 6pm? That seems a bit early to be complaining about noise. If you'd been playing at 9pm then YWDBU, but let's face it, even without Jumping Jacks, 6pm in a house with children is pretty much always going to be noisy!

echt Fri 23-Feb-18 09:32:47

It's your wooden floors.

GuntyMcGee Fri 23-Feb-18 09:34:24

It's your floors.
Wooden floors amplify all sorts of noise and it's awful living next door to someone who clatters around on them, especially with shoes on. I'm in a terrace sandwiched between two families with kids. Family A we barely hear, family B we hear every footstep, every clatter, and every vocal sound they make. Guess who has the laminate flooring?

Get some rugs down and maybe play noisy jumping games in the garden if you have one?

SleepFreeZone Fri 23-Feb-18 09:35:20

I too have no idea how I could work from home and look after my two year old. I’m in awe of parents that can do this!

whiskyowl Fri 23-Feb-18 09:37:00

Take your kids outdoors! Running, jumping, screaming, and all kinds of games can be played with wild abandon on the nearest piece of green space, if you don't have a garden!

WonderLime Fri 23-Feb-18 09:38:09

The noise may be completely unavoidable if it’s a new build. In our old house, we could hear the neighbours opening drawers in the bedroom. They used to bang on the walls when we had the TV on in the evenings, even though it was only on 12 (out of 100).

We’ve since moved to a sturdy, old build detached and that’s solved the problem. wink

Lizzie48 Fri 23-Feb-18 09:38:25

If you'd said 5:30/6am, I'd definitely have said YWBU, but I wouldn't expect it to be quiet around 5:30/6pm. The one change you should make is to get some carpets.

It's the main reason I'm glad we live in a detached house, I'd be constantly worrying about my DDs' noise levels if we were in a semi or terrace. With kids there's always going to be some noise.

Mrsmadevans Fri 23-Feb-18 09:40:21

You sound very noisy to me thank God we live in a detatched are you not taking your DC out at all? Just because YOU hate the cold. Are you for real OP? Children need to run around, be free and enjoy themselves and play ....OUTDOORS in the fresh air . Wrap up warm and take them out to play . It will do you all the world of good.

KittysMyName Fri 23-Feb-18 09:41:59

What’s Land, Sea and Air? <misses point of thread>

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