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To want this stopping now?

(14 Posts)
InkyPunkyGothyPoo Thu 22-Feb-18 14:23:43

There is a court order in place for contact between the children and their father. Plus a history of manipulation and emotional upset, which therapy and supervised contact “solved”.

Now the same issues are back. School have referred for an assessment by Ed Psych. Behaviour is deteriorating.
My childcare provider is refusing to look after my children. They are swearing and fighting and saying phrases such as “I want to kill myself”.

Because there is an order in place, and because it is emotional rather than physical, professionals just tell me to seek legal advice.

I can’t afford legal advice. I feel well and truly backed into a corner.

I want happy, healthy children. Not confused, aggressive, messed up children due to them being manipulated and control.

I don’t even know why I’ve posted this. I guess I’m feeling very alone with it all currently.

needmysleep75 Thu 22-Feb-18 14:44:30

Can you not get legal aid for it?

GummyGoddess Thu 22-Feb-18 15:09:01

How old are your children?

Troels Thu 22-Feb-18 15:15:05

Would Social services help you to stop him? Not sure.

InkyPunkyGothyPoo Thu 22-Feb-18 15:18:24

They are 9 and 7. Social Services have told me to get legal advice, because of the order.

InkyPunkyGothyPoo Thu 22-Feb-18 15:18:50

Also, legal aid was stopped.

bluecashmere Thu 22-Feb-18 15:21:18

You can apply to go back to court to reduce contact, representing yourself. It might seem scary but if you can't afford a solicitor it could be the best way to go. Once you have an assessment from a professional to back you up it should help, and once it's in the court system you would hopefully get Cafcass on your side.

user1474652148 Thu 22-Feb-18 15:26:50

I would second representing yourself along with as much evidence as possible. Ask your childminder to put her experience into writing, same with school reports and teachers reports. Record every single thing you can in the run up the court hearing.
Ask ss to support your case their report will carry weight

InkyPunkyGothyPoo Thu 22-Feb-18 15:37:08

We are already due in court in 6 weeks because he has applied to residency. No real reasons on there as to why. Just cos he can!

It’s an appointments hearing, so I’m guessing I can’t use it to ask them to stop contact?

I don’t even have the £200 spare to apply myself to court. It’s so frustrating.

If this isn’t stopped now the children will have real problems when they are teenagers and older. And as adults will end up violent and aggressive.

It’s not just the children he is destroying it is me as well. He ruins anything good I ever manage. I’m struggling to deal with it all.

bluecashmere Thu 22-Feb-18 15:52:41

I'm not an expert but surely you can use it to present your case/evidence as to why he shouldn't have residency and raise concerns about existing contact. Perhaps his application will backfire on him. If he has no good grounds to argue for residency then it could actually strengthen your case by showing he's controlling and manipulative and doesn't have the DC's best interests at heart.

bluecashmere Thu 22-Feb-18 15:54:39

Just to add: I'm sorry you're feeling alone and this is getting you down. I know from experience how draining an abusive ex can be flowers

granbyproxy Thu 22-Feb-18 16:22:52

Get in touch with CAFCASS They will help . Go to the website and then to the adults bit . Their phone number is 03004564000

granbyproxy Thu 22-Feb-18 16:25:48

Also ask SS or your doctor to put you in touch with a Family Support Worker.All LA's have them and ours is brilliant

InkyPunkyGothyPoo Thu 22-Feb-18 17:14:02

Doctors aren’t interested because my ex makes numerous referrals to all professionals. All cases then get closed but because the kids names are known nothing is taken seriously.
Cafcass phoned about court for a new pilot scheme but said they can’t help us only court can.
Social Services won’t give advice because there is a court order in place and just direct me to get legal advice.

I just feel at such a loss. I know it’s not my children’s fault but when I am being sworn at and they are full on hurting each other it’s hard work. I now have no childcare so could lose my job. He had already tried to ruin my relationship. He has alienated my friends and no one is willing to look after my children in fear of being accused of something.

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