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To ask who you feel is in best position/you'd want to be?

(277 Posts)
sundowners Thu 22-Feb-18 14:18:35

Humour me. Its me and 2 friends. Not saying which I am.

Woman 1-
Works in successful, high powered city job. In a good marriage but often barely sees husband during week. 4 day week but work often spills over. Has 1 lovely child but stress of combining work/family has put her off having more/feels she has left it possibly too late as 40s anyway. But studied hard at Uni and carefully paved out her career ladder to get where she is and friends are envious of her career- has money, success and child but a lot of stress.

Woman 2- Late 30s, single with amazing media job/hangs out with celebs in glam places. Lots of travel/events/inflexible working hours so couldn’t continue current job is had a child. Lives in lovely flat by herself- loves the freedom of this. Loves her lifestyle but also always longed to settle down/have a family. Goes on dates but they never lead anywhere- feels pressure of clock ticking as most friends are or have married/had kids by now.

Woman 3- went to good uni and was ambitious but lots of short term job contracts in 20s/being made redundant meant she re-started at bottom of ladder. Then met her husband (successful/high earner) and has 2 lovely kids. Is in a middle of the road role but on 3 day week. Still feels resentment/shame/regret at working in mediocre role and frustrated at self for not establishing a better career prior to family to reflect her good education. But loves the flexibility of 3 day week/4 days at home with kids. Has no work or pressure to take home so can switch off.

Bluelady Thu 22-Feb-18 14:20:47

I'd commit murder to be Woman 2.

Paperdove87 Thu 22-Feb-18 14:23:35

Either 1 or 2. I've been in a similar position to 3 and fought my way out of it. Never again.

GetYourActTogether Thu 22-Feb-18 14:24:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meettherussians Thu 22-Feb-18 14:26:04

Also definitely woman 3 for me.
She has least stress/best balance.

No1 has so much stress- not the family she actually wanted.

No 2- the best lifestyle/travel/job in the world can feel so empty and pointless if you see all your friends getting hitched and having babies (if this is what you wanted).

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Thu 22-Feb-18 14:26:21

I AM woman 3. Some days I want to be 2. I could never be 3.

MyNewBearTotoro Thu 22-Feb-18 14:26:33

Definitely Woman 3 - sounds perfect, but then I’m not very career minded. On days when DP/ DC are driving me up the wall I’d probably trade with Woman 2 but truthfully I think I would be lonely and unfulfilled by that lifestyle.

Nothing about life of Woman 1 appeals to me.

sundowners Thu 22-Feb-18 14:26:48

Paperdove87 intrigued, fought your way out of what- a job you felt wasted in?

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Thu 22-Feb-18 14:27:26

Could never be 1. Just as well as counting from 1-3 is baffling megrin

Thistlebelle Thu 22-Feb-18 14:27:30

It doesn’t matter. No one’s life is ever perfect, you will always wonder about the road you didn’t travel down.

If you had taken that road it wouldn’t be perfect either.

Don’t spend your time looking over the fence at how green someone’s grass is, water your own damn grass.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Thu 22-Feb-18 14:28:26

You are 3 I'm guessing op?

WilyMinx Thu 22-Feb-18 14:28:53

I'd like to be woman 3 or woman 1. The glamorous single lifestyle is just not for me.

sundowners Thu 22-Feb-18 14:29:04

Lois arr you no3 in all respects i.e. also feel regret at not being in "better" job? Do you mean you could never be no1? (you said 3!).

sundowners Thu 22-Feb-18 14:29:48

*Lois) Not necessarily...! wink

Cmcc2206 Thu 22-Feb-18 14:30:02

I am 3 too - it's a tough one to deal with. Knowing it's best for kids to have me around but regret missed opportunities

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Thu 22-Feb-18 14:31:29

Yes I feel regret that I didn't keep my hand in a bit with my career. I really couldn't cope with the long hours, childcare etc I am also reminded by my parents often that I'm a graduate, as if I have forgotten hmm

rollingcard Thu 22-Feb-18 14:31:43

none of them to be honest! But each to their own.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Thu 22-Feb-18 14:33:08

I should add, I am team leader in a supermarket clothing department. I earn just over nmw. I used to have a job not unlike woman 2.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Thu 22-Feb-18 14:34:18

Yes never be 1. I hate stress.

VanessaShanessaJenkins Thu 22-Feb-18 14:34:26

I'd want to be 3. I'm most similar to 3 anyway.
Are you 1? 1 seems like no life. Waaay too much stress and never seeing your family.
2 would devastate me although I can see why some people would love it.
I suppose it depends on the individual's personality and if they were happy. Different lifestyles make different people happy.

SunnySeaShell Thu 22-Feb-18 14:34:51

Woman 3, definitely!

BiologyMatters Thu 22-Feb-18 14:35:47

Number 3. I had children so i could raise them and working full time and putting them in nursery isn't what i would want. I am woman number 3 and I've got a great balance. No money but theres more to life than work. I never had a career in mind and occasionally over the years I've beaten myself up about the fact that I'm not more career driven. But now having had children I've come to terms with the fact that I'm just not that kind of person and I'm never happier than when I'm pottering about at home with the family. I think there's a lot of pressure on women to want it all as well as to do it all. And I think that there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a home bird and raise your children. If you are woman three then I think you need to work on accepting where your life choices have led you to and appreciating what you have now instead of what you could have had in an alternative reality. Then work on getting to where you want to be.

Crunchymum Thu 22-Feb-18 14:36:15

I'm woman 3, without the resentment / shame / regret.

I actually requested this (went from full time fee earner in stressful position to 3 days per week in finance admin) and several years and another child in, I'm perfectly happy and content with my life.

Have a perfect work-life balance.

YellowMakesMeSmile Thu 22-Feb-18 14:36:36

I wouldn't want to be 3, it seems a very unequal partnership and I can imagine resentment on both sides.

2 maybe if I had to choose as I could use the experience to change career of finding a man was so important.

Perfectnight Thu 22-Feb-18 14:36:49

I would prefer to be 2 or 3 but if I was 2 I would probably feel I was missing out on a family.

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