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Are first borns the favoured child?

(124 Posts)
hellohellohellohellohello Thu 22-Feb-18 13:25:13

Just that really. Has anyone found this to be the case? I'm expecting a child with my partner who has a child already. I love them both to bits, but I'm having some anxiety as to whether my partners first born will be the favoured child. I know I'm being stupid, but just looking for some opinions!

vandrew4 Thu 22-Feb-18 13:26:03

no they're not. Not in this house anyone. they're all the favoured child

Ishouldntbesolucky Thu 22-Feb-18 13:28:01

No. Whichever is currently behaving the best is the favoured child wink

In all seriousness, I worried that I could never love my second as much as my first. But I do. I can honestly say I love them both equally.

Angelicinnocent Thu 22-Feb-18 13:28:49

First born here gets more freedom, always has. Second born gets babies more and gets away with much more. Both loved totally and completely 100 % proud of both and I'm lucky that they are both genuinely good people with kind hearts.

Snowysky20009 Thu 22-Feb-18 13:29:26

No they are loved equally- endlessly, infinitely, more than anything! No first and second here.

DoraMilaje Thu 22-Feb-18 13:29:48

No. My mum is the youngest and she definitely my GPs favourite.

Deshasafraisy Thu 22-Feb-18 13:29:59

No, I’m the oldest and my younger sibling is definitely the preferred. My DP is one of 3 and again the youngest is the preferred.

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister Thu 22-Feb-18 13:30:55

I have a favourite but it changes day to day wink, today my youngest has been CLINGY and screaming so I think it will be my 4yr old ...

LegallyBrunet Thu 22-Feb-18 13:31:39

My oldest brother is definitely my nan's favourite.

DannyLaRuesBestFrock Thu 22-Feb-18 13:31:50

5 of us age ranges of 47 to 31.

None of us were the favourite and we all say we all felt equally loved

littlecabbage Thu 22-Feb-18 13:33:53

No way. Hand on heart, I love all my children equally.

SlimeSlimeEverywhere Thu 22-Feb-18 13:34:34

In all honesty I feel closest to my eldest. I am not saying she is my favourite but she is the only one I had several years alone with, she is the oldest so the easiest to look after and chat to, the one who is up latest so again gets more 1:1 time. Her birth position means I have spent more time with her and still do and as a result I feel closer to her that the younger ones who I approach with a more "crowd control" mentality. I adore them all though.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Thu 22-Feb-18 13:34:53

I'm the eldest and I wasn't, and am still not the favoured child - that is definitely my sister.

Examples - I got a £21 clock radio for my 18th birthday, she got a £250 oboe. We had to share bath water, and she always got to go first, and have the hot, clean water, whilst I had the dirty, cooler water, and had to clean out the bath afterwards, and tidy up the bathroom after us both. When I asked mum if my sister and I could take turns at going first in the bath, she turned me down, point blank.

She never once came to any of the concerts I sang in at university, even though I was doing some pretty big solos. Dad came, and it would have been no effort for her to come, but she never did.

I have three children, and whilst we joke about who is the favourite, I love them all equally, and I am sure they know this. Dh and I are careful to ensure that they are all treated fairly, and that they understand our decisions. It was not always easy when they were younger - there were things the eldest was allowed to do, that the youngest wasn't - and we explained to ds3 that, when he was older, he'd be able to do the things that ds1 could do. At the time, he did think it was not fair, I suspect.

Ickyockycocky Thu 22-Feb-18 13:35:02

Definitely not.

sinceyouask Thu 22-Feb-18 13:38:37

No, ime first borns are the ones given the 'naughty' label. I'm the firstborn: I'm no less loved, but I am definitely far more (and more harshly) judged. DH is the firstborn- he was the opposite of the favourite, although to an extent that goes far beyond normal family dynamics and into abuse territory. DF is the firstborn, he was definitely not the favoured child.

I love all my dc with a passion that still surprises me a little almost 12 years in, but I know I tend to assume ds1 is in the wrong when there's a dispute. That's partly because ds1 has issues which mean his behaviour often leaves a lot to be desired, but I also know it's partly because I've allowed the "ds1 is the troublemaker, ds2 is the well behaved one, ds3 is the baaaaaaaby" narrative to develop. (

iklboo Thu 22-Feb-18 13:40:21

Nope. DH is the 'golden child' and he's number three.

Ohyesiam Thu 22-Feb-18 13:40:37

I would say it's the opposite.

NewYearNewMe18 Thu 22-Feb-18 13:40:50

No. Ours was 'the problem' child from the go get. The others are much nicer people. If the eldest wasn't my mirror image , I'd swear he was swapped at birth.

People who say they haven't got favourites are economical with the truth. Children, like other people, have character traits and personalities , some we like and some we don't.

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail Thu 22-Feb-18 13:41:47

With kids, love just multiplies. There isn't a finite amount of love, thankfully smile

nNina22 Thu 22-Feb-18 13:42:05

I think a male first born is usually the favoured child

givemesteel Thu 22-Feb-18 13:43:35

Some parents clearly do have favourites where as others don't as this thread shows, unfortunately you won't know whether your dh is that type or not until he has another kid.

I've recently had dc and was worried I'd never live the baby as much as dc1 who I adore, but hand on heart I love them equally.

I do worry that dh loves dc1 the most though, but I'm Hoping that is because some men take time to bond with babies.

Mummabeargrr Thu 22-Feb-18 13:45:03

Love each of them absolutely equally, I always wondered in pregnancy whether I would not love 'this one' as much, but I did and still do. Completely and wholeheartedly. It's who is best behaved that gets the favouring - there appears to be a behaviour baton in my house that only one can be good at a time!!

LaurieMarlow Thu 22-Feb-18 13:45:12

Parents always say they have no favourites. Children usually tell a different story.

My mother's favourite child is her second born. And stepping back from it, I totally get why this is the case. My father is less obvious in having a favourite, but I'd probably lean towards it being his first born.

JayoftheRed Thu 22-Feb-18 13:49:10

I love both my children with all my heart, but DS2 is so much easier to be around. DS1 is 5 and ASD and right now, really bloody unpleasant. I find being around him hard work, I get irritated by him very easily. I hate myself for it, and I try very hard not to let it show, but I'm sure that it's a vicious circle - he misbehaves, I don't like it, he senses that, he misbehaves...

DS2 is 20 months and just a joy. He is funny and cute and cuddly. He has his irritating moments, sure, and I wish he had more than one word in his vocabulary, but he is just lush, and I adore him.

I hate myself for not loving them equally. But I adored DS1 when he was 20 months, before his aggressive behaviour really took off, and he started getting so hard to deal with. And I'm sure as DS2 gets older, I will find him hard to deal with - he won't be cute and cuddly forever!

Being a parent is hard, and I am aware I fail most of the time. But I keep trying.

Alexkate2468 Thu 22-Feb-18 13:50:27

I was thinking very hard about this, especially after reading the post above about 'being economical with the truth. Honestly, for every reason I can come up with for why DD would be my favourite, I can come up with a reason why DS is. I genuinely love them both completely and unconditionally. DS is affectionate and loving. DD is strong and feisty and clever. DS is tidy and organised. DD is chaotic and funny. They are so different and I LOVE them the same. Not being economical with the truth at all.

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