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to hate school proms

(154 Posts)
MargoLovebutter Thu 22-Feb-18 12:17:09

Maybe it is just my DD, but I cannot wait for her bastarding prom to be over. I think I am just about managing to feign interest, so that DD doesn't think I am a total killjoy, but it is doing my head in.

I am so fed up of talking about dresses, looking a photos of other girls dresses, going to try on dresses, ordering dresses, sending back dresses, getting dresses altered, looking at more photos of other girls dresses, talking about dresses....... OMG, she's going to wear it for 3 hours!!!!!!!

I am so fed up of talking about potential dates, other girls dates, dates that won't happen, dates that may happen, unsuitable dates, looking at photos of dates ......

I am so fed up of paying through the nose for so much bloody stuff for a 3 hour shin-dig - the dress, the shoes, the fake tan, the event itself, I drew the line at professional make up and I'm debating about professional hair dresser. Apparently a limo is now involved too, with everyone chipping in - the kids live, at most, 15 minutes away from the flipping venue!!!!!

I am also having to hear about pre-prom and after-prom. Whose allowed to have a drink, who isn't, which parents are trying to control alcohol intake, which parents aren't. Who is likely to try and sleep with who at after-prom, who will break up, who will get wasted, who won't drink, who will have a crap time, who will be smoking, who will try and smuggle in spirits, which teachers may try and go to after-prom and the endless speculation about collection time .......


Fekko Thu 22-Feb-18 12:19:15

How old is she? We didn’t have all that malarkey when I was at school!

GreenTulips Thu 22-Feb-18 12:21:27

LOL - this is the practice run til AFTER prom ....

Get Gin

athingthateveryoneneeds Thu 22-Feb-18 12:23:40


Laiste Thu 22-Feb-18 12:25:15

I've got 4 daughters ..... <maniac laughter>

MargoLovebutter Thu 22-Feb-18 12:26:15

Me neither Fekko - but it is what all the schools do now. DS had his a couple of years ago but thankfully didn't make me want to weep with information overload in the same way DD is.

GreenTulips, I'm not sure there is a gin bottle big enough. gin gin gin gin gin gin

Laiste Thu 22-Feb-18 12:28:11

Seriously actually, of the three old enough to have gone through this only 2 wanted to go to their prom. DD2 just didn't fancy it.

You learn to nod and smile and ooh and ah and um in the right places and produce the credit card in the right places. We didn't spend much mind you. We got dresses online (Light In The Box) for about 50 quid and i did their hair and make up myself for ahlf the class because i know what i'm doing. Chipped in for limo. No tan.

MargoLovebutter Thu 22-Feb-18 12:34:48

Laiste, the fake tan will be applied by me, as I refused to pay for a tanning salon. That's the other thing I've had to see photos of, is her friends who've been on a test fake tan session & come out looking like they've been bloody tangoed!!!!! The function room is going to reek like a biscuit factory, as all the girls seem to want to be slathered in the stuff.

Fekko Thu 22-Feb-18 12:35:41

Thank god DS is at a boys school.

Champagneandthestars Thu 22-Feb-18 12:37:50

Can I borrow her - I have 2 boys and would LOVE to have that experience sad

Ifailed Thu 22-Feb-18 12:42:41

I think it's terribly sad that you have young women, on the cusp of adulthood getting ready to take their place in the world, and they've already been trained into thinking that what they wear to a school disco is so important.

tigercub50 Thu 22-Feb-18 12:44:10

I think the whole thing is unnecessary & excludes some kids whose parents just can’t afford it! It’s got completely out of hand. DH said one of his pupils was planning her DDs prom when she was still in primary school & saving up for the dress. Some people go way over the top. When I left school we had a meal & disco in the school hall with teachers doing “ turns” & that was it.

DoraMilaje Thu 22-Feb-18 12:46:31

I have a DD so may have all this to come (she's too young for me to ascertain whether she'll be into it or not). They're actually really nice events most of the time although i can see why they can be stressful for the parents and can be expensive if you decide to go ahead with all the trappings but they don't have to be. The kids really enjoy them, they're a coming of age thing for them mostly and gives them something to remember after all of the exam stress.

LegallyBrunet Thu 22-Feb-18 12:48:37

My leaver's ball was Year 13. We got my dress and shoes a week before because of A-Level revision and coursework I completely forgot about it. My little sister did my makeup and a hairdresser charged fifteen quid for my hair. No one bothered with dates and my friend's sister took me and my friends in her car. Afterwards we had a sleepover at a friend's and all contributed towards alcohol.

HidingFromTheWorld Thu 22-Feb-18 12:50:09

My DD is so fed up with school, fellow year 11 peers and their crappy behaviour that she’s declared she will not be attending her prom.

Instead she’s asked for a meal out with her Dad and I.

She may well go along to see her friends arrive and wish them well, but the event itself is probably her worst nightmare.

When I left school in 1990, we went to the local park with various bottles of alcohol and our uniforms were signed by our friends.

No leavers hoodies, leavers days, proms, after prom parties or anything similar.

UrsulaPandress Thu 22-Feb-18 12:55:38

Did all this a couple of years ago only to discover that they have another one after A Levels. At least this seems to be more low key, plus DD has decided that no one can do her hair and make up as well as she can so a small saving there.

Still got her very expensive dress, worn for a couple of hours, hanging in my wardrobe.

FluffyPineapple Thu 22-Feb-18 13:19:30

My sister is going through exactly the same thing! My dd had her prom last year. It was expensive but sisters dd is going way OTT! I paid £90 for my dd’s prom dress, £40 for shoes and £20 for hair. She did her own make up. She looked stunning!

Neice is looking at £200+ For dress, £100 for shoes, wants hair and make up professionally done £130 (because everyone else is having hair and make up proffessionaly done and she would look a right numpty if she didn’t have the same 🙄). Plus the bloody fake tan.... And don’t forget the tiara! And yes a limo £25 each for a 10 minute drive. Then another outfit for the after prom party...

Anybody got a size 10, once worn prom dress they are looking to sell? My dd’s dress wasn’t expensive enough for her 🤨

DoraMilaje Thu 22-Feb-18 13:23:21

One of the girls at my last school who came from a fairly wealthy family and looked stunning at the prom got her dress from the sale rack at Peacocks! It cost her about 9 quid!
Doesn't have to be a massive expense at all. Some of the kids get swept up in it because they're excited but they just need to be brought back down to Earth that's all.

dancinfeet Thu 22-Feb-18 13:32:52

I am so glad that my DD wasn't all that interested in her prom. She waited until about 6 weeks before to buy her dress - I think it cost me £45 from Chi Chi clothing and her shoes were about £15. She wore the jewellery that I bought her for her 16th birthday, and picked up a matching clutch bag in TK Maxx for about £7 and wore a diamante bridal-type hair accessory from Claires that she had picked up earlier that year in the January sale. She didn't want a spray tan, but did have her nails done (about £15 at a local salon) and did her own hair and makeup on the day. For transport, her friend's much older brother took a small group of them in his fancy car - I did ask her if she wanted to get a limo but she said no as she couldn't be doing with the drama about it as various groups of friends had been falling out with each other over transport. Hopefully we got the balance right of making her feel special without it completely making me feel like I'd been robbed. It's tricky though as for some kids it's a really big deal, and they look forward to it for years - others are less bothered.

AuntMabel Thu 22-Feb-18 13:39:08

YANBU. We didn't have a prom, or snapchat to perpetuate prom frenzy, we simply had a naff "Leaver's Disco".

DD's prom is this summer, her friends indulgent parents are setting ridiculous expectations. £300 on a dress to be worn for a couple of hours hmm. Nope.

Aragog Thu 22-Feb-18 13:51:43

I think we are getting off fairly lightly reading some of the prom stuff on MN, despite dad being at an private school featuring some pretty wealthy families. Doesn't seem to be lots going ott based on what dd is saying. Lots of dresses coming from ASOS and similar. Only a few have actually got their dresses so far. But the school year group snapchat thread is showing what people are going for and it's not silly money at all at the moment. DD can't decide what dress she wants and, she will get her hair done at our normal hairdressers, but she isn't bothered about fake tan, and a whole load of professional make up luckily.

MargoLovebutter Thu 22-Feb-18 14:00:20

It is the relentless chat about it all that does my head in really.

I can manage the expense - I just say no to things I'm not prepared to pay for - but the endless speculation and dare I say obsession with all things prom related is so dull. I feel mean saying that to DD and I don't want her to think that I'm not interested in her life and the things that matter to her, so I'll just have to suck it up until April. Bring on the gin!

Privacycover1 Thu 22-Feb-18 14:00:57

I had two , fifth and sixth year.

Fifth year my dress was £50 second hand from eBay, about £40 for alterations. Shoes and make up, accessories etc cost me £50 (I used my ema savings!) . My friend did my hair and make up for a tenner and someone's parents drove us down to the hotel.

Second time, dress was £10 off eBay, shrug £15 down from £50 in Monsoon. Hair was £30 as professionally curled, limo was about a tenner. Shoes and accessories were all New Look so cheap (as it was cheaper then!) . I think the only expense was my friend's parents hired a photographer and my mum insisted on buying 4 or 5 photos. Very few people did the orange fake tan or big wedding style dresses and those that did just looked daft.

It was worth it though. No alcohol, no crazy stuff- just dancing and good fun. Ten years ago this month!

flatmouse Thu 22-Feb-18 14:03:29

Completely missing the point of the thread (passes Gin), but i think it is lovely that your DD is prepared to tell you all that. I would get high-level abbreviated version from my DD missing all the important info. (Another year to go there).
As an aside, i saw what the girls were doing in run up to DS prom as was horrified by the cost - but even his was approaching £200 when factoring in suit/tie/shirt/shoes/cufflinks(!)/share of bus/ticket. Some kind parent with big garden did pre-prom (and as there were 20 lads going together on bus there were a fair few there!), then post-prom was just his smaller friendship group at one of their houses - up all night talking then walk to McD's in morning.

Originalfoogirl Thu 22-Feb-18 14:09:31

and they've already been trained into thinking that what they wear to a school disco is so important.

Oh do give it a rest. EVERYBODY wants to look good for a night out. And I say that as somebody who has zero fashion sense and a fat arse which never fits anything. Believe it or not, women and even girls are allowed to care about their appearance when going for a night out without it being dragged down to some kind of sexist feminist shite.

I'm wholly passionate about girls not being valued solely for their looks and about them feeling happy and confident in sweats and no make-up, but dear god, allow them the excitement of putting on a posh frock with an up-do and some slap on.

And be certain the young lads will be equally as keen to look good for their prom.

OP, sorry you're worn down by it. I love hearing this sort of gossipy stuff from our girl, it shows me she trusts me enough to share the secrets.

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