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To think there is something very wrong with me?

(12 Posts)
Idobelieveinfairies2018 Thu 22-Feb-18 10:45:01

Hi name changed in case I'm outed.
I have been happily with my dh for 12 years now and have a dd together. I was fairly content with the exception of the amount of sex/intimacy etc but love my dh so thought I had moved past it. My dh is a great guy and always treats me with love and respect, he is a good dad and he works hard. However, since April, I have been having feelings and fantasies about another man. I've known this man for 10 years and whilst I always thought he was 'fit' I didn't have these feelings I have now. He is similar 2 my dh but we have loads in common and he sticks up for me even against his g/f who then gets abusive 2 him 4 sticking up 4 me, whereas my dh doesnt and expects me to just ignore things. I don't know wtf is wrong with me. I would never cheat on my dh or even persue this other man but I can't stop thinking about him. The real kicker here is that he is dh best mate so its not as if I can even just stay away from him. I swear my dh knows although he's never sed anything. I need a good slap.

How can I stop thinking (and dreaming) about this guy?

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag Thu 22-Feb-18 10:50:37

He sticks up for you against his gf? Well he sounds a Prince. I can see why you fancy him hmm.

starryeyed19 Thu 22-Feb-18 10:51:43

I think you just need to go through it tbh. Time helps. And thinking about him in ordinary situations too. I'll bet he still leaves the loo seat up or doesn't help with the dishes or something. Don't try to deny the feelings. Enjoy a good daydream. But recognise that's all that it is.

Idobelieveinfairies2018 Thu 22-Feb-18 11:18:54

@dailymail that was just I thing as I was trying 2 keep it short. His g/f is a nasty piece of work and wen I pulled her up 4 cheating on him and then getting back with him wen she admitted 2 me she loved this other block she went batshit and started calling me all the names under the sun, fat ugly cunt etc. He heard and told her if she wanted it to work she needed 2 pack that shit in as he wouldn't stand by while she put me down.

@starryeyed19 that's part of the problem I see and think about him in everyday situations and think wow. And he does all the dishes and cleaning and even starts drying the dishes at MY house if he comes over before dh comes home.
This may be where I'm going wrong as I've been trying 2 deny myself and if my mind wonders I immediately do something else like go for a run on the treadmill etc

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag Thu 22-Feb-18 11:22:14

It sounds like you’re quite involved in somebody else’s relationship and now you have a vested interest in that relationship failing. She might be a “piece of shit”, but you aren’t coming across to me as particularly saintly yourself. Your poor dh. If you’re unhappy with your dh, then that’s something you need to be investing your time in, (either working on it or finishing with him), instead of sticking your beak into your crush’s relationship tbh. Are you trying to line up your new dp before you let your dh know that you aren’t happy?

Emmageddon Thu 22-Feb-18 11:25:24

If he comes round before your DH gets home, don't let him in. Answer the door with a coat on and tell him you're just off out, sorry. Keep yourself busy, don't engage with him, don't get involved with his dramatic love-life, concentrate on your relationship with your husband and child. This man is your DH's best friend, so steer clear.

Birdsgottafly Thu 22-Feb-18 11:25:46

The first thing you need to do is keep out of their relationship. It wasn't for you to pull her up on getting back with him, after all you aren't a Saint yourself.

He doesn't sound great, he shouldn't have said what he did In front of you.

You need to distances yourself for a while and make a real effort to have fun with your DH and as a family.

NutellaFitzgerald Thu 22-Feb-18 11:28:03

This man is not the catch you think he is. Is he still with his unpleasant gf? Why is that, do you think.

Sticking up for you against his gf you are taking as a love token from him, but is it?

If you jack in your relationship with your DH you'd be chasing fools gold because he's not better. Think about it: what kind of a man would your (as you say, very similar) DH be if he acted exactly like this other man but you the gf and he defending another woman. How would you rate him then?

pinkdelight Thu 22-Feb-18 11:32:32

Exactly what ermageddon said, and also, as far as "there is something very wrong with me" - no there isn't and this kind of thinking is just more feeding the melodrama. You got a bit of a crush, that's normal, nothing wrong with you. The problem starts when you feed it by reframing your marriage, picking out your dh's faults, focusing on the other guy's best points and his girlfriend's flaws, and building this romantic fantasy that'll only lead to strife. Stop all that, detach from this guy and put your energy into your marriage. TBH he doesn't sound that much of a catch if he loves someone who calls women cunts. It's hardly the stuff of romance!

mimibunz Thu 22-Feb-18 11:34:12

Sounds like one for Jeremy Kyle.

fruitbrewhaha Thu 22-Feb-18 11:52:58

Grass is always greener.............

I think you need to leave well alone. It all sounds very messy. Work on your relationship.

Idobelieveinfairies2018 Thu 22-Feb-18 12:10:49

Hi thanks. Both dh & I are very involved in his relationship as he is dh best mate and it is us he runs to wen he's had to leave. I have never liked his gf even b4 these feelings surfaced and dh was always telling him to get rid 4 good but there's something about her that keeps him trapped so now I told dh to stop on at him as it will affect their friendship but be there for him.
I am not leaving my dh and would never cheat on him. We are working on the physical side of our relationship but its not improved much. I'm not unhappy I am frustrated.
I don't see it as a token of his love more that he cares. I have classed him as a friend for 8 /9 years.
I am going 2 try 2 not be alone with him although I don't see the point as nothing is ever going 2 happen. I'm a grown adult I do know how 2 keep my hands 2 myself. Not sure if that will cause further problems as both him & dh would immediately know there's a problem.

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