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To think this is a terribly selfish thing to do when you have children

(150 Posts)
WinterAx Wed 21-Feb-18 22:55:12

A friend of mine has two children and she and her DH (the step father) regularly take drugs. It started with one off use here and there at the odd party or concert but over time it’s developed in to weekly “sessions” where a large group of them go round to their house (when her DC are staying with their father) and are all up until the early hours binging on large amounts of MDMA and cocaine. It’s also become apparent that they sneak off to do these drugs at family parties, weddings, birthdays, basically any excuse. It’s all they seem to think about now and can’t have fun without it. People have no idea this is going on see them as a decent couple with lovely children, a beautiful large family home, both older parents and in very successful jobs.

AIBU in being worried for the children and thinking their behaviour is shockingly selfish and irresponsible as parents? I’m not aware that they actually use drugs with the children present, however, I know they’ve spoken about having to pick the kids up the morning after a heavy night, feeling terrible. I dread to think if anything were to happen to her and the poor children would be left without a mother. I’ve tried to speak to her as an older friend who cares but she is well and truly in denial, apparently everyone uses drugs these days and it’s all perfectly normal and ok to continue doing so as parents. Surely when you make the decision to have children this sort of behaviour should stop?!

Eliza9917 Wed 21-Feb-18 22:58:59

If they aren't doing it when looking after the kids you can't really say anything, it's their business isn't it.

Sarahjconnor Wed 21-Feb-18 22:59:42

Yes, it's completely irresponsible. Its no different to couples who binge drink regularly - you can't be out of your mind and responsible for children.

CrispPacket Wed 21-Feb-18 23:02:21

Ridiculously irresponsible and very selfish sad it doesn't take much to accidently over do it and a child is left without a parent sad

Amanduh Wed 21-Feb-18 23:04:33

Yanbu and this is absolutely not normal and disgusting if they’re picking their kids up a few hours after being out of their minds on MDMA. And yes although binge drinking isn’t good this is much worse.
Not much you can do I suppose if they’re doing it when the kids are there. Aside from it being highly illegal. Or they’ll die taking it and leave those poor children alone.

AlpacaLypse Wed 21-Feb-18 23:05:07

Who are these 'apparently everyone uses drugs these days' people? Not me and not any of my friends with parental responsibility.

KERALA1 Wed 21-Feb-18 23:06:36

Ring social services? Surely not safe for druggies to have care of young children - even if they are middle class. Needs monitoring

Weezol Wed 21-Feb-18 23:07:33

If they drive within 24 hours of taking cocaine they'd fail a roadside drug wipe.

ApproachingATunnel Wed 21-Feb-18 23:12:13

Does the father of kids know?

LoveYouSo Wed 21-Feb-18 23:13:22

SS seem to keep families together even if the parents are druggies. I know of family with a half dozen kids, where the parents are substance abusers and still SS have not had any power to stop it. Sad, but true.

Pre-kids not so much an issue. With it's abominable behaviour.

caringcarer Wed 21-Feb-18 23:15:20

So they are driving these children under influence of drugs. That is disgusting and not safe and you have responsibility to report it. Because, how would you feel if there was an accident and one of the children was hurt or even killed and you had not reported it? SS will come out and access and if they do not take it further then at least you have a clear conscience as you tried to protect them. I think you can call SS anonymously.

SavageBeauty73 Wed 21-Feb-18 23:18:19

I don't take drugs (did loads when younger so no angel) but Coke and MDMA are rife in my social circle. That includes teachers, dr's blah blah. They get hammered, bed at 4/5am then up then up with the kids. I've got no advice except to say it is common for those who say no one does drugs.

ConciseandNice Wed 21-Feb-18 23:20:45

It’s abysmal behaviour. There is an element nowadays that tries to normalise drug taking and claim it’s a reasonable pastime to have. When you’re a parent and have other lives dependent on you, no it isn’t. Also, it’s amazing what the middle classes can get away with that would be seriously frowned upon in someone who is working class (and I say that as a middle class person ashamed of such arseholery)

Amanduh Wed 21-Feb-18 23:21:43

It being common in your circle does not make it right.
Also it’s definitely not common to me or any person I know or have known. And if they were hammered on drugs at 5am then up at 7am with their kids they definitely would NOT be in my social circle.

Wdigin2this Wed 21-Feb-18 23:22:48

What is MDMA?

windchimesabotage Wed 21-Feb-18 23:24:26

I have a pretty relaxed attitude to drugs, i consider them as I consider alcohol. However if someone were drinking to excess every single weekend I would actually find that pretty alarming and think it constituted an addiction. So I feel the same way about drugs.

Every so often at a party is one thing.... but if its something their lives are becoming centred around then I would be very worried.

I dont agree that in order to be a good parent you need to completely stop using any drugs ever in much the same way as I dont agree you need to never drink. But if you are using drugs or drinking every weekend or even every other weekend then it will very quickly get out of control and that will effect your ability to parent whether or not the children actually see you high or drunk... you will permanantly be recovering from being high or drunk and will probably also be thinking about when you are next going to get high or drunk. You wont have the energy to give your children the emotional attention they need and they will eventually notice and it will mess them up.

So I think the way you have phrased this OP comes across as quite judgemental HOWEVER I actually do think your concerns here are legitimate if they are doing this as frequently as you say they are.

Do you think this is something you could talk to them about? I think if it is this frequent that deep down they must know there is an issue here, they must feel out of control.

NotUmbongoUnchained Wed 21-Feb-18 23:24:38

I went on a night out with a load of mums from the school my daughter will be going to in September. Every single one of them does coke. It’s so common where I am!
(I don’t —anymore— )

MyDcAreMarvel Wed 21-Feb-18 23:25:52


Andro Wed 21-Feb-18 23:25:59

MDMA is better known as ecstasy.

windchimesabotage Wed 21-Feb-18 23:26:25

and btw SS will not do anything about parents taking drugs if the children are not present when the parent is high or there are no other safeguarding concerns they can point to due to the drug taking. They really will not.

GottadoitGottadoit Wed 21-Feb-18 23:35:53

How is it selfish?

ReanimatedSGB Wed 21-Feb-18 23:44:23

Not great, but not your business.

Graphista Wed 21-Feb-18 23:51:51

Are they driving the children the next day? I was on another thread recently and ended up googling and apparently Coke can stay in the system to an illegal level for driving for up to 3 days.

And yes I do think it's dangerous and irresponsible on top of the driving. Sadly we seem to be getting more lax in our attitude to drugs in this country.

littlemisscomper Wed 21-Feb-18 23:53:35

I'm amazed that adults take drugs, I thought it was just a teenage/student thing!! shock

Wintertime4 Wed 21-Feb-18 23:56:45


It’s immature, stupid and irresponsible. Time for them to grow up.

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