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My 4 YO DD can’t/won’t wipe her arse. AIBU?

(45 Posts)
Imnotposhjustquaint Wed 21-Feb-18 20:07:25

To think she should?

I’ve spoken to her school about the fact that she needs help when wiping her bum. I’ve taught her how to do it and also told her how important it is that she’s made sure it’s clean when she’s finished.

The thing is that she seems embarrassed and doesn’t want to ask for help to wipe off her teachers which I can understand but when asked why she doesn’t do it herself she says that she doesn’t want to get poo or wee on her hands.

I’m at a loss with her, I got her changed out of her uniform and she told me that her bits were sore so I got her to wipe the excess off and then put her in the bath. When I got her out of the bath she still had bits of poo in her bits so I suggested that I try and get the tricky bits out. She point blank refused to let me clean her down there as she was still sore and wanted to do it herself. The thing is that she doesn’t have the dexterity to get the poop that’s in her little crevices (for want of a better word) which in all fairness wouldn’t have been there if she had wiped her backside properly at school. Part of me thinks it’s laziness and part of me thinks it’s bevause she genuinely doesn’t like to get poo on her hands etc. She was very sore tonight and didn’t want me to clean her because of this. Eventually managed to gently clean it all off.

AIBU and expecting too much or should she be doing this by now?

FranticallyPeaceful Wed 21-Feb-18 20:11:43

Some kids just don’t yet, I wouldn’t worry or be frustrated.
If it bothers you so much just get her to make an effort whilst you’re there and then redo it after she’s done and tell her how she can improve - because when they start doing it on their own it can be awhile before they start actually doing it properly

Legwarmersareohsoeighties Wed 21-Feb-18 20:11:47

Yes! YABU!! My 6 year old still struggles! It's normal! They r likely to have train tracks and slightly brown pants in reception and yr1! As long as she has a bath daily that's fine! She'll get the hang of it! Don't make it a big thing! If she's a bit sore, put some metanium yellow cream on. We still have nappy cream in our house! Even though nappies left the house overs 3 years ago!

All completely normal, leave her be!

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Wed 21-Feb-18 20:12:01

It's a tricky one. But teachers do not wipe bums. It's not a nursery. Just try to be firm with practicing wiping her own bum. Make sure she knows it isn't negotiable. She has to wipe her bum then wash her hands really well. She'll get there if you're consistent.

FranticallyPeaceful Wed 21-Feb-18 20:12:20

Oh and also do the flushable wipes whilst she gets used to it - a god send!

Londonlivin Wed 21-Feb-18 20:12:51

Honestly, it is simply that she is only four years old. I would let her try first then always check and wipe too at that age. As for still having poo on her after a bath, again at that age I would still be washing her.

She will just have to do her best at school and then you will have to check her when she gets home. It will improve as she gets older.

Imnotposhjustquaint Wed 21-Feb-18 20:14:59

That’s put my mind at ease. She’s my first so I don’t really know where she should be at in this department. I haven’t been putting pressure on her or telling her off, would never do that.

She baths daily and I’ve been putting metanium on her as sudocreme seemed to be a nightmare to clean off.

More bothered about infections etc.

Catatlarge Wed 21-Feb-18 20:15:38

There’s just been a huge long thread about wipes (and lots of campaigns by water boards)
The only things that should go down the loo are poo, pee and PAPER.
Please don’t get her to flush wipes. They don’t dissolve. Just because it says they can be flushed (this means they will go round the u-bend) it doesn’t mean they should be.
They block up so many pipes!

Lucked Wed 21-Feb-18 20:15:59

Oh and also do the flushable wipes whilst she gets used to it - a god send!

Use wipes by all means but don't put them down the toilet regardless of what the packet says they play havoc on our sewers.

Imnotposhjustquaint Wed 21-Feb-18 20:16:35

Thank you all. I don’t expect her teachers to wipe her bum at all and I completely get that, just thought they could keep an eye and remind her when she goes to the loo.

cathy87 Wed 21-Feb-18 20:16:41

@FranticallyPeaceful - even “flushable” wipes shouldn’t be flushed. If a bin is available it’s an option.

ShellyBoobs Wed 21-Feb-18 20:16:43

As a pp said, she's still at the sort of age where they aren't always great at this.

Poor thing being sore but it might encourage her to try a bit harder to get clean. She'll get the hang of it before long.

Imnotposhjustquaint Wed 21-Feb-18 20:17:29

Oh no I won’t use wipes. We are on a sceptic tank so goodness knows what havoc that could cause!

OhWotIsItThisTime Wed 21-Feb-18 20:17:39

Keep reinforcing it. Keep telling her it needs to be front to back. She will get there, she’s still v little.

stickytoffeevodka Wed 21-Feb-18 20:17:43

* Oh and also do the flushable wipes whilst she gets used to it - a god send!*

These wipes are not flushable - no matter how they're advertised! Please make sure they're put in the bin.

Avasarala Wed 21-Feb-18 20:19:27

When you say school, do you mean nursery/pre-school or actually school with classrooms and teachers? If she's in proper school, then you can't ask the teachers to wipe her - it's just not their job and they can't leave a classroom full of kids to go wipe a child's bottom. It's also really not good for their self-esteem when they're in a school environment and need help in the toilet.
It takes some kids longer than others and is just something she needs to work on - schools usually only have dry toilet paper too so maybe send her in with some flushable wipes (I know we're still not meant to flush those but it will help her for now). She'll find it much easier to wipe and it will feel so sore if she's already tender. She'll get there, just keep trying as much as you can to spare her embarrassment at school.

ruleshelpcontrolthefun Wed 21-Feb-18 20:21:17

YABU. My 4yo still needs help. She has a go when she has to but she likes me to freshen her up when she gets home, get a fresh pair of pants etc. She's 4, that's still very little.

Imnotposhjustquaint Wed 21-Feb-18 20:21:23

Thank you. We’re being consistent with her at home. She wipes first and then I wipe to ‘double check’.

She’s a proper school but was an August baby and the youngest in the school by a good few months.

Avasarala Wed 21-Feb-18 20:25:39

I meant to say cottonelle wipes - apparently those do dissolve. Lots of brands don't, but these ones are have been shown too. Could be total nonsense, but that's what I meant by flushable wipes.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Wed 21-Feb-18 20:29:28

One of mine thought this was totally beneath her, I am sure that she is the reincarnation of Henry VIII and she thought I was the groom of the stool. Sometimes (at home) dampened down loo roll helps, ultimately we just had to put up with a lower level of cleanliness while she adjusted to her lower station in life in the 21st century.

Imnotposhjustquaint Wed 21-Feb-18 20:33:04

@shouldwestayorshouldwego you’ve described DD to a T! grin

Funnily enough, her nickname is ‘Anne Boleyn.’

Mistoffelees Wed 21-Feb-18 20:36:30

I'm a teacher and when I was in reception I would expect children to mostly wipe themselves but I or my TA would do a last checking wipe if needed or a complete clean up if any child got themselves in a right state. I can't imagine leaving them dirty and uncomfortable all day sad

Namechangerextrodinaire Wed 21-Feb-18 20:38:27

@shouldwestayorshouldwego gringrin

My DD who is 6 is horrendously bad at bum wiping. Im still heading up that department.. probs till she's 16ish

RazzleDazzle3 Wed 21-Feb-18 20:39:26

Back in the 70’s when I was the same age smile and was starting school I too didn’t like to wipe.... my nan said to my dm “don’t worry that’s not a problem, that’s what the teachers are there for shock” didn’t help my dm and the worry....

StillMedusa Wed 21-Feb-18 20:41:45

If it cheers you up any I was definitely still 'check wiping' all four of mine at that age, and some took longer than others!

DD2 was very keen to keep my services, and was 7 before she finally consented to sort herself out (she never went at school). How it came about was a bit of tale... she called me up 'I've fiiiiiinished..' I grabbed a wipe off the windowsill (before we knew not to flush them) wiped, left...
A few minutes later 'Mum my bottom stings!' Hmm odd. Went back up to check her and realised I'd just wiped her bottom with bleach wipes !!!!

She never asked for help again!

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