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To think innocent until proven guilty even at school?

(161 Posts)
PurplePenguins Wed 21-Feb-18 09:38:43

There's 2 parts to my post really. Both annoy me but AIBU?
1. My DS3 is 15yo and very quiet and shy. A boy at his school was attacked in the playground (not badly so as to call the police). He accused my DS3 of the assault. I didn't believe him. It's not DS3 nature and the size difference would make it impossible (DS3 being a lot lighter and shorter). Anyway, DS3 was to spend the day in isolation while the school investigated. It took 3 days to watch the CCTV!!!! They discovered that it wasn't DS3 who attacked the boy in fact DS3 was the other side of the school grounds at the time so DS3 has spent 3 days in isolation for no reason. He has not even had an apology from anyone.
2. During his time in isolation, he has missed all breaks including lunch. DS3 wears braces (so no sugary foods or drinks) and is dairy intolerant. He has not been allowed a proper school dinner, but has been offered either a jam or cheese sandwich for which I have been charged £2.60 even though DS3 refused both. The school has a no packed lunch policy, saying they can cater for all dietary requirements. I wasn't told about the lunch arrangements when I was told about isolation. When I complained, the response was, in a nut shell all.students are treated equally and if DS3 doesn't want to eat that is up to him. AIBU to feel annoyed and feel as though they may have been treating him as though he was the one in the wrong?
(Sorry if I'm rambling)

Scabbersley Wed 21-Feb-18 09:40:10

I think an apology would be good but tbh the teachers are busy enough.

PurplePenguins Wed 21-Feb-18 09:41:12

Sorry I missed a bit. The accusation was DS3 had punched the boy repeatedly in the stomach and then pinned him against the wall by his throat so that his feet left the floor. (DS3 is a lot lighter and a fair bit shorter)

Wakeuptortoise Wed 21-Feb-18 09:41:28

Yanbu. I would complain loudly until they apologise.

Skittlesss Wed 21-Feb-18 09:42:10

I think 3 days to check the CCTV is very unreasonable and had I been the mother of the child who was attacked I would be pretty pissed off.

Your son does deserve an apology. Also why no proper lunch? Just because they're in isolation? That doesn't make sense.

Mousewatch Wed 21-Feb-18 09:42:55

You need to sort this asap, 3 days is not good enough. I would want an apology for my dc.

scurryfunge Wed 21-Feb-18 09:42:57

That’s pretty rubbish but you have to remember teachers are not investigators by trade.

C0untDucku1a Wed 21-Feb-18 09:44:11

Firstly, treated equally does not mean being treated the same.

Three days in isolation before looling at the cctv is appalling.

Avasarala Wed 21-Feb-18 09:45:30

They offered your dairy intolerant son a cheese sandwich? And I know a lot of parents who don't give their kids jam due to the sugar content (just like they'd refuse chocolate spreads etc). Ask for the schools complaint procedure and go through it. Three days to investigate a violent attack in another pupil is not on, and wrongly punishing your child and giving him unhealthy meal options whilst doing so is really poor of the school. If their attitude afterwards had been different then maybe I would let it go, but they're acting really arrogantly about it all so you should push for them to realise and apologise to your son, and refund you the lunch charge!

BarbarianMum Wed 21-Feb-18 09:46:01

I think isolation whilst they investigate an assault is fair enough really - but the investigation should be fast - half a day at most. 3 days in isolation, no food, no apology is unacceptable.

Can I ask why you waited 3 days before contacting the school? Were they not in contact with you throughout?

DevilsDoorbell Wed 21-Feb-18 09:46:03

I would be expecting an apology to my and my son. I would also be demanding a refund. I know it’s not much money but it’s the principle.

I don’t give a shiny shit about how busy the teachers are in this case. We teach our children that’s it’s ok to make mistakes, it’s ok to be wrong, it’s how you handle yourself after those mistakes. We teach them that if they have done something wrong they apologise. Why shouldn’t the school or at least the people involved admit they were wrong.

I would not let this lie.

Scabbersley Wed 21-Feb-18 09:46:39

Couldn't you have given him a packed lunch

Peeetle Wed 21-Feb-18 09:46:40

That’s really appalling. I’d be putting a complaint in writing to the head and asking how are they going to apologise to your ds.

BarbarianMum Wed 21-Feb-18 09:47:08

If you are dairy intolerant any sandwich made w margarine is off the menu (I assume).

PurplePenguins Wed 21-Feb-18 09:47:11

I have no idea why no proper lunch skittlesss. I know I'm primary but I take all the children who are not allowed out in the playground, into the dinner hall, get their lunches and they come back to the reflection room to eat. I don't see why DSs school can't do similar.

NoqontroI Wed 21-Feb-18 09:48:44

I would take that further. Totally unacceptable.

PurplePenguins Wed 21-Feb-18 09:49:13

No scabbersley. There is a not packed lunch policy.

PurplePenguins Wed 21-Feb-18 09:51:43

He avoids all butter and margarine when not at home Barbarian just in case. The school no this. They also know he can't have jam or similar at the minute because of his braces.

saladdays66 Wed 21-Feb-18 09:56:05

3 days to watch CCTV after a serious assault is ridiculous. Should have been the HT's top priority. And punishing your ds before finding out what had happened is also ridiculous - especially if he is generally a good kid with no history of fighting. The lunches is also crap.

PurplePenguins Wed 21-Feb-18 09:58:23

I've just had an email. According to the head, DS3 "was offered a cheese, jam or tuna mayo sandwich, which he declined. Our policy is that all students who have been sent to the duty room do not mixed with the general population...Students are only permitted to eat in the dining hall so our policy food is not to leave the dining hall." 😠

Mxyzptlk Wed 21-Feb-18 09:59:11

That is appalling! I'd be furious!!!!!!!!

ChocFudgeLover Wed 21-Feb-18 09:59:18

Yanbu. Complain to the head and governors.

Quadrangle Wed 21-Feb-18 10:00:17

DS3 has spent 3 days in isolation for no reason. He has not even had an apology from anyone
I think that's very bad

PurplePenguins Wed 21-Feb-18 10:00:48

3 days is ridiculous, especially when it only took 2 hours to view CCTV when DS2 and friends set off fire extinguishers to skate down the corridor.

Fishface77 Wed 21-Feb-18 10:01:39

Email them back to say
“Thanks for your response. I will respond further following legal advice and discussion with ofsted.”

See what the fuckers say then.

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