Advanced search

To be a bit upset by this teacher

(362 Posts)
processthewreckage Tue 20-Feb-18 17:04:31

Having a few problems with DD at the moment. I really am doing my best but it's not really getting us very far.

Her teacher rang today to say DD hadn't turned up for her detention. I apologised and the teacher said "well, sorry isn't good enough, you need to bring her back here."

I was honest and said I doubted I'd be able to do that. The response was that I'd better!

Inappropriate or AIBU?

Rewn7 Tue 20-Feb-18 17:06:24

How old is your DD?

Perendinate Tue 20-Feb-18 17:06:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy Tue 20-Feb-18 17:06:32

Well the teacher was hardly going to say it doesn’t matter was she?

I would have thought taking her back would (if logistics allowed) be a good way of showing School and you working together

Daddystepdaddy Tue 20-Feb-18 17:09:05

I'd be getting you DD to the detention and deciding on an appropriate additional punishment at home for missing it.

processthewreckage Tue 20-Feb-18 17:10:09

She is 15.

There are a number of options that aren't "it doesn't matter" or "sorry isn't good enough."

ineedamoreadultieradult Tue 20-Feb-18 17:10:19

I would request a meeting with the teachers to discuss effective strategies moving forwards. Detentions that she doesn't turn up to and you can't make her go to are not helping anyone. Always best to try to work together for a solution.

processthewreckage Tue 20-Feb-18 17:11:11

How, Daddy? I can't really pick her up and carry her.

LifeBeginsAtGin Tue 20-Feb-18 17:11:39

Had your DD come home? Did you know she was supposed o be in detention?

TheFallenMadonna Tue 20-Feb-18 17:11:58

A week of lunchtime detentions is quite a punishment for the teacher...

processthewreckage Tue 20-Feb-18 17:13:31

Yes, she knew, but she is just rude, I'm afraid, and won't go because she dislikes the teacher.

My AIBU is not about whether DD's behaviour is appropriate or not, it's not, I just feel that to be rude to me because of it isn't very professional.

RatherBeRiding Tue 20-Feb-18 17:14:40

At 15 you quite possibly can't physically make her return to school, and the school needs to work with you to ensure effective means of enforcing detentions in the future. Simply telling you "you'd better" is pretty poor. What does the teacher expect you to do? Wrestle a disgruntled teenager out of the door and into a car?

I would request a meeting with school and ask them for advice. And don't be fobbed off with "it's your problem/responsibility". Yes it is, but equally there isn't a lot you can do if your teenager refuses to listen or legs it out of the door.

MrsDustyBusty Tue 20-Feb-18 17:15:09

It sounds like the teacher is nearing the end of her tether here. Is there any chance she's having problems with her management if students don't turn up?

RatherBeRiding Tue 20-Feb-18 17:16:02

To answer you AIBU - the teacher's response was both unprofessional and unhelpful. Might be worth pointing that out when you contact the school.

processthewreckage Tue 20-Feb-18 17:16:07

That's the issue, Riding - I am so sympathetic to the teachers, she is foul to me as well, but threatening me is not the way forwards!

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross Tue 20-Feb-18 17:17:57

I imagine the teacher felt that your response - that you doubted you'd be able to get your DD to the detention - sounded perhaps as if you didn't support the teacher/school/punishment, or weren't really that fussed whether she went or not.

BarbarianMum Tue 20-Feb-18 17:18:33

But your dd's behaviour is a big part of this. Teacher might not be being very polite about it but youre not exactly being "professional " about being a mum if you duck out of your responsibilities here. Why not meet with the school and agree a way forward - maybe an internal suspension?

LondonHereICome Tue 20-Feb-18 17:18:57

Some teachers really do cross the line.

If that's the teachers attitude to you, then I'm not surprised your DD refused to go!

Get her side of the story

Daddystepdaddy Tue 20-Feb-18 17:19:33

Make it more attractive than the alternative. You have more power here than think.

Cutting off access to the internet is always a good opening gambit to focus the mind of a 15 year old.

Lizzie48 Tue 20-Feb-18 17:19:45

That's the thing, why is the teacher threatening a parent when the parent herself is struggling and isn't disagreeing with her? And what exactly can she do anyway?? It's a ridiculous threat and is creating an antagonism that it doesn't need to.

And no, at 15 you can hardly make her go back to school!

LondonHereICome Tue 20-Feb-18 17:20:51

My her response to her 'you'd better' would be 'or else'?

What does she think she can do?

processthewreckage Tue 20-Feb-18 17:21:02

I was very clear that I supported the school but that there was no way I'd be able to get DD back.

Barbarian I have and they know I would support them to the hilt. It's not about ducking out of my responsibilities, just that recognising my own limitations in the matter.

Lizzie48 Tue 20-Feb-18 17:21:57

The OP has said she's willing to work with the school. It's just a bit late now, though there should be a penalty agreed between the school and the parents.

PerfumeIsAMessage Tue 20-Feb-18 17:22:28

I think you need to arrange a meeting with the head and work out how your daughter's behaviour will be managed from both sides.

Will there be a more serious disciplinary procedure now she's not turned up?

Did you know she should have had detention? Did you know where she was when she wasn't at school? I guess the teacher is duty bound to inform the parents when the student has effectively gone awol.

Rewn7 Tue 20-Feb-18 17:22:33

The teacher sounded pissed off so possibly not the height of politeness. But really is the teachers level of manners the important thing to focus on here?

You need to work with the school to do everything possible to support them in addressing the issues with your DD’s behaviour. By saying you doubted you could help you weren’t offering any ideas of a solution. I’m sure that’s why the teacher lost patience.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: