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Not to go and see her?

(65 Posts)
Rosiie Mon 19-Feb-18 17:04:25

MIL is having surgery soon and I just don’t have a good relationship with the woman. She’s put me through hell over the years I’ve been with her son. She’s very jealous and has lied about me to DH
Here’s a some examples

⁃We lived with her for a year before getting our own place, I would be in the kitchen ( it’s next to the bathroom) and one time he was on the phone in the bathroom, she told him I was listening to his conversation
⁃When I first met her very early days we had what I felt like a really good conversation, she went to DH and told him I was playing mind games ( the fuck?)
⁃Had a go at me because I would iron the clothes DH was going to wear for the day and not his whole wardrobe.
⁃Has told DH he deserves someone better than me because my kitchen was a bit messy and there was piles of clothes that needed washing( this was a time when I just had my third DS and no help from DH or anyone, being up all night because of a baby that wouldn’t sleep and up all day because of other DC that needed to be taken care of, no mention of how useless her son is, just how messy the house is because of me)
⁃Has given my DC coffee when they were toddlers even after I told her not to
⁃Ignores when she comes to my house sometimes and gives me the silent treatment
⁃Never invites us to her house but comes to ours 2-3 a week and sometimes unannounced
⁃Tries to set DH up with other women when they’re out on their own
⁃Slags me off to her family, last thing I heard was at Christmas when she made some comments about my weight

There’s so much more, but over the years I’ve learned I can’t have relationship with this women and I should just keep my distance.
So ladies, AIBU not to see her after the surgery?
Am I being a big baby about this? Should I just buy some flowers and a card and go to her house? Or should I just let DH and SIL deal with it?

SleepingInNewYork Mon 19-Feb-18 17:06:29

Could you compromise with your conscience and send flowers and a card, but not go there in person? Considering her behaviour, I am sure most people would understand you not wanting anything to do with her but she is your DH’s mother and if he needs the support, you could think of it as keeping the peace for him.

BrazzleDazzleDay Mon 19-Feb-18 17:09:12

Would i fuck send her a card/flowers, nevermind visit her!

MoistCantaloupe Mon 19-Feb-18 17:09:39

I would take the 'rise above it' approach and send the flowers and card. I don't think you should normal reward people being dicks, but if you don't go in person, will this be something that is even more annoying for YOU to deal with i.e. Her mentioning to people that you didn't visit. Because if that's the case, I might go regardless of her behaviour, just to save myself some grief.

Poor you, she sounds like a nightmare.

NewImprovedNinja Mon 19-Feb-18 17:17:08

I'd probably send a get well card but not bother visiting.

DancesWithOtters Mon 19-Feb-18 17:18:06

I wouldn't visit or send anything. She sounds like a vicious old cow.

MyBrilliantDisguise Mon 19-Feb-18 17:19:54

She tries to set her son up with other women? Fuck the flowers!

Bluelady Mon 19-Feb-18 17:21:03

Would she actually want to see you, given the history between you?

Leeds2 Mon 19-Feb-18 17:21:22

Let your DH deal with her.
Does your DH accept that his mum is/has been horrible to you?

DevilsDoorbell Mon 19-Feb-18 17:22:10

I wouldn’t send her anything. Her son can get her flowers and a card.

Most of the time I’m with the ‘be a bigger person’ camp. Screw that.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 19-Feb-18 17:23:25

Reading all that, you owe her nowt, so. YANBU
She sounds warped trying to set her ds up with other women.
Also is your dh not big enough and ugly enough to do his own ironing. You're his wife you're not his maid.

Greensleeves Mon 19-Feb-18 17:23:28

Flowers?!?! Send her a fucking Triffid

Ellendegeneres Mon 19-Feb-18 17:25:15

Like fuck, I’d be courteous when I saw her- not friendly mind, just barely ‘there’ and very low contact. She’s a vicious cow, if your dh isn’t going nc it would be difficult for you to, but I would be very firm in that she clearly doesn’t like you so why should you pretend you’ve a relationship when there’s none.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 19-Feb-18 17:26:03

grin. A triffid.
Just got all nostalgic thinking about the day of the triffids.

Aprilshowerswontbelong Mon 19-Feb-18 17:26:03

How about a nice cactus? And dh can drop it in? As you most definitely won't be a hypocrite and visit. Show your dc by example that you don't accept poor treatment from people - you deserve more.

Ellendegeneres Mon 19-Feb-18 17:26:23

I’d send her bindweed not flowers anyhow

DeathStare Mon 19-Feb-18 17:28:01

Even if you had a great relationship surely it would be DH's responsibility to sort out cards and flowers. She's his mum

Valkyrie99 Mon 19-Feb-18 17:29:48

Don't bother OP. She sounds awful. Agree with greensleeves suggestion of sending her a triphid

Valkyrie99 Mon 19-Feb-18 17:30:12

Or triffid even

aaaaargghhhhelpme Mon 19-Feb-18 17:31:03

What does your DH say when she tries to set him up with other women!?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Mon 19-Feb-18 17:34:14

Tries to set DH up with other women when they’re out on their own

!!!!!!!! confused

WTF!? Red card right there if that were me. Does she not have any respect for you and your relationship with her son? That is appalling!

Just don't go. Say you're too busy as you don't get any help from DH and don't want to drag the DC into a hospital.

clippityclock Mon 19-Feb-18 17:36:13

I'd do fuck all. Its not your mum so let your DH sort it out, mind you he doesn't sound that great a husband tbh!

Gemini69 Mon 19-Feb-18 17:36:28

Would i fuck send her a card/flowers, nevermind visit her!

this ... with bells on grin

MichaelBendfaster Mon 19-Feb-18 17:37:20

YANBU. She sounds like a cunt. I wouldn't go and my conscience would be squeaky-clean about it.

Get your DH to sort her out, for heaven's sake.

And at the very least

- have a go back at her if she bitches about your ironing
⁃ calmly leave the room if she comes to your house and gives you the silent treatment
- Don't let her in if she comes to yours unannounced

TemptressofWaikiki Mon 19-Feb-18 17:37:34

Oh, I’d visit her. However, I’d be wearing a long black cloak with a hood and accessorise it with a chic scythe. Or set up a fake future calendar, pretend that several years passed and tell her you’re glad that she finally woke up… grin

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