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AIBU to buy my own engagement ring?

(39 Posts)
moofeatures Mon 19-Feb-18 12:53:10

Recently I saw a ring. I've never fallen in love with a piece of jewellery before, but wow, I adored it. I may have walked past the jewellers window a few times over the next few weeks (occasionally stealing the odd wistful glance), and one time I noticed it was 20% off. Amazing!

Now, I'm a fairly "shit, or get off the pot" kind of person but my boyfriend, well, isn't. We moved in together last year and it's all been going well, and even before that we'd discussed marriage. I have no doubt that he's the one.

I love this ring, and I just know I'd never be able to find any other as gorgeous and as 'me', although obviously it's the thought and gesture behind it which matters most. I've talked about it with my boyfriend, and his view was "whatever you want to do".

WIBU to buy the ring, and then our options are:
a) It stays in a drawer somewhere until he's ready to pop the question (I really don't mind if that's months or years away)
b) He might get scared by what I did, in which case I'd be more than happy to wear it on my right hand as 'just a ring' (it's not your stereotypical engagement ring)

APermanentlyExhaustedPigeon Mon 19-Feb-18 12:59:27

I bought my own ring - saw it, loved it, bought it. My then boyfriend (now husband) and I had already discussed marriage. It then sat in his drawer for a few months as I still wanted to be able to have a bit of a surprise element to the actual proposal. But I love my ring, and I think I'd still wear it even if we ever divorced!(although on the other hand, obvs)
Do it! smile

britnay Mon 19-Feb-18 12:59:56

if it makes you happy, buy it and enjoy wearing it

1ndig0 Mon 19-Feb-18 13:00:44

What does he mean by, "Whatever you want to do?"

Tell him you have seen a ring you would like. If he wants to make it an engagement ring it's up to him. But no, don't buy your own ring in advance because it won't have the same meaning.

WorraLiberty Mon 19-Feb-18 13:04:46

This is about more than just a ring isn't it?

It sounds like he's either not ready to get engaged, or he just doesn't want to.

It's a piece of jewellery, if you like it then buy it and wear it on another finger.

Willswife Mon 19-Feb-18 13:05:27

Buy it! I did the same, although mine was a combined engagement/wedding ring.

Could you give it to your Mum or something and then she could just say to him something along the lines of "if ever you decide you want to propose to moofeatures, I have the ring she wants here".

I just told my husband I had the ring. I'd seen it years before I'd even met him in a shop whilst on holiday. I told my friend that it was my wedding ring. When I found one for sale there was no way I was going to miss out so I bought it. My husband didn't mind at all.

Ifailed Mon 19-Feb-18 13:10:04

You don't need a ring to be engaged, and 'engaged' has no meaning in Law nowadays, it's just a convention.

PaperdollCartoon Mon 19-Feb-18 13:12:28

Talk to him about it.

Willswife Mon 19-Feb-18 13:13:51

My ring has plenty of meaning to me, my husband not choosing it doesn't change my feelings about it, or him, or our marriage.

I don't need a ring that my husband chose to make me or our marriage feel special. In fact I don't need one at all as I often don't even wear it!

I'm assuming the OP doesn't feel that sentimental or emotional about it either as otherwise she wouldn't be considering buying her own.

BertrandRussell Mon 19-Feb-18 13:16:55

Just buy it and wear it. Why does it have to be an engagement ring?

RoseWhiteTips Mon 19-Feb-18 13:21:07

What a romantic idea.

susurration Mon 19-Feb-18 13:21:14

I think there are two separate things here.

1) you love the ring, buy the ring and just wear it as a ring. It doesn't need to be an engagement ring.

2) Your boyfriend might not be ready for marriage. Ask if he is. If not, leave it and carry on happily. If you're at the stage where it's marriage or nothing then leave him. Don't play silly games over a bit of shiny jewellery.

Chocolate1984 Mon 19-Feb-18 13:26:56

Just buy the ring and wear it on your right hand. If you are buying the ring anyways why does it have to be an engagement ring? Let him propose if and when he wants.

moofeatures Mon 19-Feb-18 13:37:49

The reason why I'd only buy it and wear it if my boyfriend felt strongly that he wanted to choose. He doesn't, and I feel any other ring (seriously, I adore this one) wouldn't be as 'me'.

Just wondering if it was acceptable... the majority of replies so far seem positive, so I might nip into town after work...

JudyLevinson Mon 19-Feb-18 13:47:28

I think it is a stupid idea. If you did buy it, what would be the point in stashing it in a drawer somewhere until he is ready to propose? He may never be ready and even if/when he is, you know he already has the ring so I don't get the point of the proposal!!

Just buy it for yourself and wear it on your other hand.

SnackMaBitchUp Mon 19-Feb-18 13:48:24

Buy it, I bought mine!
The man that sold it to me was very "who does that?" But I basically just shut him up with a look and that was that, I'm not going to see him again - am I? 😂

Coastalcommand Mon 19-Feb-18 13:51:51

Buy it and propose to him, if you want to marry him.

1ndig0 Mon 19-Feb-18 13:53:39

Yes seize the day and buy yourself the ring. Just see it as treating yourself to a piece of jewellery. Don't give it to him to propose with, just wear it straight away. If you don't buy it, someone else might do!

When he comes to propose you could go and choose something else together. It's a win - win really. You might find something like an eternity ring to wear next to it? There need not be any limits to jewellery - e.g. there will be other occasions such as milestone birthdays, your wedding, giving birth or anniversaries...

mrsBeverleyGoldberg Mon 19-Feb-18 14:06:19

Can't you buy the ring and wear it without it being an engagement ring?

Skittlesss Mon 19-Feb-18 14:09:16

By all means buy It, but I won't be supportive if you don't show us it gringringrin

Only kidding, if it's The Ring then buy it and if need be then use it as a RHR.

demirose87 Mon 19-Feb-18 14:09:40

I wouldn't do this. He should be asking you and buying the ring himself. Fair enough if you like it, buy it and wear it. But it wouldn't be an engagement ring, and would hold no sentimental value.

demirose87 Mon 19-Feb-18 14:17:30

You can't really base an engagement on a ring. If you were single, would you still consider buying the ring? And would you be considering marrying this man if you hadn't seen the ring?

agentdaisy Mon 19-Feb-18 14:30:54

If you like it then buy it. If you want it to be an engagement ring then propose to him. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks as long as you're happy.

I don't understand the whole 'he has to choose and buy the ring for it to be an engagement ring'. Each time their own but just because your dp didn't pick and buy the ring doesn't make it any more special.

I picked my engagement ring and dh paid for it. Doesn't make it any less special than if he'd picked it.

agentdaisy Mon 19-Feb-18 14:33:07

It absolutely would be an engagement ring if that's what you both want it to be.

The only reason I didn't buy my ring and propose is because dh got there first and proposed to me (without the ring) and then I showed him which ring I'd like (not an expensive one) and he bought it.

ferrier Mon 19-Feb-18 14:34:55

I think it's a great idea - I'd buy it and wear it. If dp proposes you can suggest putting it on your left hand. If not, you've still got your lovely ring.

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