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To think that Mother’s Day just rubs your nose in it if you haven’t got one? :(

(136 Posts)
Chattycat78 Sun 18-Feb-18 21:15:50

Just that really.

Here it is again I see.

My mother died in 2009. It still kicks me in the guts like crazy every time I pass the shops with all the cards and know I can’t buy a card ever again as I have no one to buy for.

There was some radio program last year talking about how “inclusive” Mother’s Day is because “everyone has one”. No they don’t. sad

The sting isn’t even taken away by the Fact I’m a mother now myself.

I’m not looking to ban it. I realise Mothers should be celebrated. But boy does it remind me of what i no longer have.

WitchesHatRim Sun 18-Feb-18 21:17:29

The thing is you could say that about any days like this.

Fathers Day, Valentine's Day etc.

FlouncyDoves Sun 18-Feb-18 21:18:47

Everyone has had one though.

Sorry for your loss, but it’s a bit daft to bemoan Mother’s Day. Have a nice meal and raise a glass to your memory of her.

Chattycat78 Sun 18-Feb-18 21:19:23

Yes that’s true. I guess my take on it is fairly irrational and based entirely on grief.

MalcolmsBrokenWalrusMoneybox Sun 18-Feb-18 21:20:12

I'm very sorry for your loss Chatty. After my mum died I found it difficult to look at cards with "mum" on them.
I think I'm getting hardened now but I knew what you mean.
Could you buy your mum a card and write it out anyway?
Abit like making 2 cups of tea and having a chat with her?

lljkk Sun 18-Feb-18 21:21:01

She still exists in your heart, OP. x

GlitterMagicPompom Sun 18-Feb-18 21:21:38

I know what you mean OP. I lost my Mum over 20 years ago now and Mother’s Day upsets me badly. Even more so now that I am a Mum. I do still buy a card for my Mum as I feel I do have one. Just not physically with us anymore. This somehow comforts me a little. Hugs to you for going through this 🌺

Boulshired Sun 18-Feb-18 21:21:47

I have a box of my mums favourite chocolate that I buy to remember her and eat them throughout the day. Raspberry ruffle. I suppose I embrace the day to remember her.

IreneDunne Sun 18-Feb-18 21:22:49

I lost my mum when I was a child and I hated Mothers Day for years and years, so I know it can be hard.

I think the crappy thing with grief is that really nothing gets you through it any quicker, you just have to ride it. That means that some things are just really hard.

It does get easier though. I think as time passes you may be able to enjoy celebrating it with your children. That doesn't mean you'll forget your mum, just that your grief will stop being so raw. Until then flowers

huha Sun 18-Feb-18 21:22:51

We always toast to MIL on Mother's Day.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP thanks

Jaygee61 Sun 18-Feb-18 21:23:05

Mothers Day is hard on people without mothers and without children. I have neither. Then again Valentine's day is hard on the single, I suppose.

Mulberry72 Sun 18-Feb-18 21:23:38

flowers for you Chatty.

I lost my beautiful Mum in 2015, quickly and very unexpectedly. I feel sick when I see Mother’s Days displays in shops, I really do.

I try not to be sad or cry on Mother’s Day as DS & DH love to make a fuss of me but it’s so hard, I miss her every minute of every day.

Laiste Sun 18-Feb-18 21:23:42

flowers OP

I'm a bit like this about father's day.

It stings but life goes on. I get sad when DD4 happily talks about DHs dad as grandad, but will never chat like that about my dad as she was born after he died. Lots of little things catch you when you don't expect it.

mslevine86 Sun 18-Feb-18 21:24:17

You're not unreasonable to feel like this. I lost my mum in 2011 I was only 24. The following year I was in boots buying some makeup and the lady on the counter asked what I was getting my mum for mothers day. I didn't want to make her feel awkward and ended up saying oh nothing (her face was a bit wtf) because I couldn't bring myself to say 'actually she died last year' this year will most likely be my DPs last mothers day as she has terminal cancer. It hurts like a bitch but I raise a glass to her and hope you have some lovely memories xx

Chattycat78 Sun 18-Feb-18 21:25:12

Thanks to those who have responded and feel
Similar things. Helps me realise I’m not crazy for still feeling like this after 9 years. flowers

SleepIsForTheWeek Sun 18-Feb-18 21:25:26

I've lost both my parents and am newly divorced and it is tough to go through all these significant days. I try to look at it as commercialised crap but it does highlight your losses. flowers OP

Welshmaenad Sun 18-Feb-18 21:25:47

It's not daft at all and you are not unreasonable. Retailers push it so hard there's just no bloody escape, and it really really hurts.

I lost my mum in 2014 and it hurts me too. Fathers Day will be no easier, this one will be the second since I lost my dad also.

I'm so sorry for your loss thanks

Willow2017 Sun 18-Feb-18 21:26:22

Yes i know what you mean plus the fact you dont want to ban it for others.
I guess you know its a lovely day for some mums and the smallest thing from your kids is wonderful. But the downside is not every mum gets something. Sometimes thier partners dont see it as a big deal or thier kids just dont bother. Others remember what they have lost.

I prefer to enjoy whatever my kids do and remember my own lovely mum with fondest memories through the day and have a sniffle in bed on my own at night.

We could relate any occaision to someone we have lost really, its just hard when its a 'specific special day' for a parent thats so heavily commercialised.
Like you i would give my right arm for another day with my mum. Being an adult sucks sometimes.

Sarsparella Sun 18-Feb-18 21:26:47

OP I completely agree, my mum died two years ago

I feel like the shops go completely overboard on mother’s day and I’ve walked out of places mid shop before when it’s taken me by complete shock & I can’t cope with being bombarded with the Mother’s Day stuff everywhere

I feel where you’re coming from completely

makeitalargegin Sun 18-Feb-18 21:28:40

I'm the same op, when my mum died I remember having to go and get food from a supermarket and it wasn't long before Mother's Day that year and all I could see was Mother's Day stuff. I will never forget feeling like my whole world had gone at that moment and seeing mums every where going about their business. I'm a mum now and I get lovely things off my boys but truth be told I hate Mother's Day.

ChishandFips33 Sun 18-Feb-18 21:29:58

I feel you OP and gave the same sorts of feelings.

I flip it now and treat myself to something I know she would have liked then when I use it think of her not that I don't think of her anyway and use her special crockery that day for an afternoon tea

PurpleDaisies Sun 18-Feb-18 21:30:18

I hate it because I don’t have children. I stay off social media but it’s hard in school where you can’t avoid it.

flowers to you op. It’s not easy.

AthenasOwl Sun 18-Feb-18 21:30:22

I lost my mum in November and honestly I don't feel anything about Mother's Day, it's just another contrived day to make you buy cards and flowers.
My mum is never far from my thoughts, I miss her every single day but I don't begrudge anyone using that day to spoil and cherish their mum. It's doesn't affect me in the slightest.

PositivelyPERF Sun 18-Feb-18 21:31:27

My mother stood by my father even after he went to jail for sexually abusing a child, physically abusing some of his children and permitting if not encouraging his best friend to abuse my siblings and me. I hurt every day it comes around but don’t let others see it, because good mothers should get recognition. I get thoroughly fucked off when poor mums come on her to say how their partner/husband and children have did fuck all for them on mother’s day. If you’re lucky enough to have a good mum or are married to one, show her some appreciation and let her know she is loved. I adored my wee mil and put flowers on her grave to thank her for producing the wonderful son that was my late husband.

LaContessaDiPlump Sun 18-Feb-18 21:31:30

I get you op. My mum died nearly 4 years ago, 2 weeks before Mothers Day. Very inconsiderate of her, my sister and I said; we were especially hmm at the big fuck-off sign outside Tesco saying 'DON'T FORGET MUM ON MOTHER'S DAY' when we popped in in the midst of planning her funeral....


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