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AIBU?

To ask for help deciding whether to change my name or not?

3 replies

LoveInTokyo · 18/02/2018 11:19

I moved abroad to be with my other half and we recently got married. I can’t decide whether to change my name or not. Not coming under any pressure from my husband or anyone else.

Pros:

My surname is quite common in the UK (not quite like Smith but maybe like Evans or Taylor or something like that), and I also have a very ordinary first English name. My husband’s surname is very unusual so combined with my English first name I would be unique in the world.

My surname is very difficult for people where we live to spell and pronounce, and it drives me nuts. And actually, despite being a common surname in the UK, it quite often gets misspelled at home too. His surname is unusual but easy for people here to spell and pronounce, and not too difficult for people at home either. (They can at least say it properly once they’ve been told how to, whereas native speakers of his language just can’t seem to wrap their tongues round the pronunciation of mine!)

I’ve never felt particularly attached to my surname and his is quite nice. It goes well with my first name as well.

I’m not yet very well established professionally (especially here) so it wouldn’t be particularly disruptive from a career point of view.

It might make integration a bit easier if I had a more local sounding name.

When we have kids it would be nice for us to all share the same surname.

Cons:

I am living in his country, and am likely to be here for a long time (maybe permanently) and plan to eventually apply for citizenship. Maybe changing my name would be like losing an important part of my British identity.

Lots of women don’t change their names here. My colleague uses her Russian maiden name professionally.

The paperwork associated with changing your name here looks absolutely daunting. (Although I could use his name unofficially and keep mine on official documents.)

My boss thinks I should keep my name because I work in an international environment where being foreign (and, for my job, specifically being British) is seen as an asset. As hard as it is to believe, my very ordinary surname is seen as quite exotic here.

My husband was named after his paternal grandfather and after we got married his grandmother said to me, “Now we are both called Mrs X X!” and my immediate reaction was “WTF no! That’s not my name!”


Thoughts, Mumsnetters? What would you do in my situation?

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HildaZelda · 18/02/2018 11:45

I think if you have to ask then you probably don't want to. I didn't change mine but to each their own.

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LoveInTokyo · 18/02/2018 12:07

I don’t know. Maybe there is something in what you say, but I honestly feel torn. It feels like a bigger decision than I thought it would.

We are legally married already but by having our wedding ceremony until later in the year so I have a while to decide.

OP posts:
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insideoutsider · 18/02/2018 13:42

Perhaps double barrel both names and use either in different countries. My cousin is e.g. Eva Smith-Chan and in the UK, she's called Eva Smith, in her DH's country, she's Eva Chan.

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